Raison d'etre

For those of you just beginning to read this blog...you may not know how all of this started - you can feel free to go back to the beginning and read all the sordid details - go ahead do it now so you can come back and be caught up with the rest of us....(if you want a brief synopsis that might help you to understand this particular post you can check out my post from September 19, 2004).

OK

I have said that I really need to 'focus' on other things. To let go of the past torment - and for the most part that still holds true and I am trying to work on that. However, sometimes - something brings me back to that place - that dark place where this all began.

As I had mentioned before, I DO read the journal of the young man who was the former boyfriend of the little bitch/slut that my husband was 'seeing'. One of the reasons I do this is because I care about this young man - there is some sort of weird bond there - perhaps we are 'compadres' who have shared time on the battle field of love and we have wounds that won't heal and so I check on him from time to time - every now and then his writing causes me to send off an e-mail because he just seems so down. And every now and then his posts are so compelling that I put them here on my blog. Well this is the case now. He has apparently decided to 'tell off' the man and woman that our dear little slut is now living with (yes you see she has moved on the wreck yet another marriage but in this case the 'wife' in that marriage (and I use this term very loosely) - does not seem to mind that her 34 year old husband is sleeping with a 19 year old (their baby-sitter apparently). In fact at one time she referred to herself as (are you ready): "the love of Erin's life's wife - my Goddess how enlightened this woman must be - either that or she's a real genuine Stepford Wife *rolls eyes*.

So at any rate, below you will find his post in which he gives them all a much deserved piece of his mind. Below that - you will find my two cents' worth because I decided to 'sign' his guest book and add my own comments...just couldn't resist.

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2004-11-06::6:25 p.m.

"What is going on?

So I decided to check the guestbook on this thing that never ever gets signed, until now. I am more than a bit surprised. So allow me to ask a question (and I don't expect a response):
Why do you people read my diary? With the one exception (you know who you are) I have no idea why you would read this stuff. I mean, why would Erin give you the address to this? Does she share ABSOLUTELY everything with you, her surrogate parents? From my point of view, I would think that my writing would not really concern you at all. I have no bearing on your life except for the fact that I am someone who was once very close with Erin. So, if you are really that interested, and I know you are because Erin responds to stuff I put on here that bugs her in about two days, I would like to know why.
If you were to ask me, there is guilt because a little light somewhere in your brain is blinking, saying something is rotten somewhere. Guess what, I know what is rotten and so does everyone else. I do not have specific "moral" beliefs tied to any religion, in fact I am an amoralist, but I do have ethics - these ethics tell me that mature adults have responsibilities to society and other people to do certain things and NOT do other certain things. Right now, you are all doing something you shouldn't be doing, and you all know it. This makes you feel not so good, so you look in an apologetic way to my diary for some sort of answer to the dilemna.

If you want to analyze this, let me make it easy for you. I do not approve of the choices you all have made, but this shouldn't concern you because I don't matter to you. I don't care about you very much and I spend zero time wondering what you are doing with your lives...they're yours and I am not part of them. I care about one thing and that is Erin. It doesn't bother me that she doesn't care (or says she doesn't) because she will always be someone of whom I have fond memories and with whom I shared an emotional bond.

Honestly, I hope you have better things to do that to read this and chat about it. I have been accused of not moving on, but from my seat, hypocrisy looms large on the screen through the words of those around her. "

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This is what I wrote in his guest-book:

You go my dear!

I could not have said it better myself. And I am sorry but I could not help but comment on this...

*I* read your writing because I truly care about you - I think you are exceptional. I think Erin blew it - quite frankly.

What kills me about the Erin thing (with all due respect to your feelings, because I know you care very deeply about her) - is that she had the gaul to accuse me of hunting her down, and somehow hunting you down - which any idiot reading her blog at the time, could have gleaned *that* information (how stupid is it to have a phone number listed on your blog?) as I said to my dear cheating soon-to-be-ex-husband (who actually is the main reason I was able to find out her information in the first place) - if you don't want me finding out what you are doing behind my back, don't put it out on the Internet - what a bunch of idiots (again I am sorry - but it so sophomoric - so high-school)- and to further be accused of pretending to be my husband's wife, and to further call ME the drama queen??? Gee Erin isnt' that the pot callling the kettle black? And on top of it all - for being expected to NOT REACT to all of this - right - you fuck around with *MY* husband and I should stand by like your new lover's 'wife' and do nothing??? (too bad I have a spine eh?) - and how about that new lover of yours- what a man - are you starting a harem my dear? (Way to teach your son how to treat women!)- Hugh Heffner would be so very proud of you - this is all so rich - anymore it's just hysterically funny... oh well I guess in their eyes - (Erin's as well as her 'surrogate parents') we are all stupid bystanders relegated to the boring nothingness of our dull lives because we are not into unhealthy threesomes and lying to ourselves and all of those around us....

Having a moral code or even better yet ethics does not necessarily stem from being religious or even spiritual - how about the phrase 'do no harm'? Does that mean anything to you people? Not to judge but what goes around does come around and it will - you can bank on it. But then you might all be so ignorant as to not notice when your pitiful lives are crumbling around you - hey here's a clue folks, the 60's is over and free love is so very 8 days ago - but whatever. I guess so long as you are all using some form of protection whatever the hell you want to do is OK. Isn't it?

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Nice to get that off our collective chests I suppose....