LOSING MY RELIGION
...and I find myself wishing some of my family would too....
*sigh*
This is so hard to write about. I am not even sure I should. But if I don't get this out of me it will fester and too much lately has been causing my brain to implode.
I am usually touched off by stories like this - where I feel my decision to leave behind the Catholic faith was a good one.
As snipets of the phrase 'What would Jesus do?' echo in my head and the anger rises in my throat and I find myself wondering how people look at themselves in the mirror.
***********
When I was young, I was raised by a devout (Italian) Roman Catholic mom and a pretty laid-back-liberal Irish Catholic dad. I grew up going to Catholic school where the nuns ran rampant with rulers and one was used on me at the tender age of 6 yrs because I was writing with my left hand. After being slapped with the ruler – I kicked the nun as hard as I could in the shins...
OK so we can see where this is leading….at the ripe old age of 12-years I was kicked out of Catholic school. So I’ve never been real big on authority nor organised religions.
I raised my children differently. I did not want them to feel like religion (more importantly) their spiritual nature was a mandate from mom. I wanted them to commune with their God – not be frightened by it. So I did not give them a ‘church’ upbringing. Oh sure we went to church on the holidays with my family and my daughter (through visiting her relatives down in West VA) – was exposed to the Baptist tradition. But there was never any ‘set-in-stone’ following in our house and although I was a practicing Pagan/Wiccan – I did not feel it was right to expose them to that either; when they asked I was honest. They also saw me practicing Yoga/meditation.
So my daughter did not become ‘religious’ – in fact, at one point, she announced she was an atheist. I winced at this a little – but again I did not mean to be hypocritical – something I used to get into screaming matches with my mom about due to my view of the Catholic Church and it’s policies.
Life with my daughter was hellish all throughout her teen years (a lot of moms I think, can attest to difficulties with their daughters). I have some serious horror stories I can tell. But I like to think of it as ‘growing pains.’ When she settled down with her current husband – it was perhaps not the ‘path’ I wanted for her – but then she’s not here to live MY life – she is here to live her OWN life. So I tried to roll with it…
That is until one day she informed me she had ‘found God” (yeah, yeah I didn’t know he was lost either (*cymbal roll* Thanks Folks – be here all week ^_^) – well since I knew her hubby was a ‘Christian’ I didn’t think this was odd. But then the more she began sharing with me – the more I became suspicious of just what ‘type’ of Christianity she was following….finally when she told me she wanted MY son to watch tapes while he was visiting her – I decided it was time to press for real details. And THIS is where she sent me to ‘explain’ what they had 'found'.
Seriously, I was aghast. I just didn’t know what to say – and I certainly did not want to alienate my daughter who was now living in Michigan with her ‘new’ family. For the record, her husband is the ONLY one in the family who seems drawn into this – the others are more ‘normal’ and reasonable people.
Now, some of you may remember that recently I became a grandmother again. I am absolutely in love with my grand-children. They are amazing, beautiful, wondrous little beings. I was worried about my daughter being able to handle two little ones but she’s done a great job. But now I’ve found out that she is expecting again! (Remember my grand-daughter is only just now 4 months old) – so now these two will be 11 months apart. This will be already on top of having a 3 year old running around.
I try having frank, honest and open discussions with my daughter. I figure she’s a woman, I’m a woman we can talk, right? WRONG. She will not even entertain the idea of birth control – it’s against God’s law somehow. I can’t fathom a God like this. And before some whacked-out Christian starts going off on me – I want to let you know that because of all the problems with labour and delivery from her last child – my daughter was told it was not such a good idea to have another baby and that IF she absolutely had to have another – she should wait at least a year and a half. Further more she was told she was that under no circumstances was she to go into active labour or have contractions.(Someone needs to explain to me how one has a baby WITHOUT contractions.)
So now, I am frightened for my daughter. (Scared to death would be a more appropriate term). And she wanted me to be as thrilled about this family as her ‘in-laws’ are and I just can’t be...so we are once again on edge with each other. At one point during our conversation I asked if she thought God’s order to Adam and Eve to ‘go forth, be fruitful and multiply’ applied directly JUST to her and her husband...yeah OK not a good thing to say…but I wasn’t going to pull my punches with her – I never have with either of my kids.
I just can’t help but feel that once again here we have an innocent ‘lamb’ being led to a slaughter and she doesn’t even know she’s the main course.
*sigh*
I’ve asked for prayers before, I am asking again…
*sigh*
This is so hard to write about. I am not even sure I should. But if I don't get this out of me it will fester and too much lately has been causing my brain to implode.
I am usually touched off by stories like this - where I feel my decision to leave behind the Catholic faith was a good one.
As snipets of the phrase 'What would Jesus do?' echo in my head and the anger rises in my throat and I find myself wondering how people look at themselves in the mirror.
***********
When I was young, I was raised by a devout (Italian) Roman Catholic mom and a pretty laid-back-liberal Irish Catholic dad. I grew up going to Catholic school where the nuns ran rampant with rulers and one was used on me at the tender age of 6 yrs because I was writing with my left hand. After being slapped with the ruler – I kicked the nun as hard as I could in the shins...
OK so we can see where this is leading….at the ripe old age of 12-years I was kicked out of Catholic school. So I’ve never been real big on authority nor organised religions.
I raised my children differently. I did not want them to feel like religion (more importantly) their spiritual nature was a mandate from mom. I wanted them to commune with their God – not be frightened by it. So I did not give them a ‘church’ upbringing. Oh sure we went to church on the holidays with my family and my daughter (through visiting her relatives down in West VA) – was exposed to the Baptist tradition. But there was never any ‘set-in-stone’ following in our house and although I was a practicing Pagan/Wiccan – I did not feel it was right to expose them to that either; when they asked I was honest. They also saw me practicing Yoga/meditation.
So my daughter did not become ‘religious’ – in fact, at one point, she announced she was an atheist. I winced at this a little – but again I did not mean to be hypocritical – something I used to get into screaming matches with my mom about due to my view of the Catholic Church and it’s policies.
Life with my daughter was hellish all throughout her teen years (a lot of moms I think, can attest to difficulties with their daughters). I have some serious horror stories I can tell. But I like to think of it as ‘growing pains.’ When she settled down with her current husband – it was perhaps not the ‘path’ I wanted for her – but then she’s not here to live MY life – she is here to live her OWN life. So I tried to roll with it…
That is until one day she informed me she had ‘found God” (yeah, yeah I didn’t know he was lost either (*cymbal roll* Thanks Folks – be here all week ^_^) – well since I knew her hubby was a ‘Christian’ I didn’t think this was odd. But then the more she began sharing with me – the more I became suspicious of just what ‘type’ of Christianity she was following….finally when she told me she wanted MY son to watch tapes while he was visiting her – I decided it was time to press for real details. And THIS is where she sent me to ‘explain’ what they had 'found'.
Seriously, I was aghast. I just didn’t know what to say – and I certainly did not want to alienate my daughter who was now living in Michigan with her ‘new’ family. For the record, her husband is the ONLY one in the family who seems drawn into this – the others are more ‘normal’ and reasonable people.
Now, some of you may remember that recently I became a grandmother again. I am absolutely in love with my grand-children. They are amazing, beautiful, wondrous little beings. I was worried about my daughter being able to handle two little ones but she’s done a great job. But now I’ve found out that she is expecting again! (Remember my grand-daughter is only just now 4 months old) – so now these two will be 11 months apart. This will be already on top of having a 3 year old running around.
I try having frank, honest and open discussions with my daughter. I figure she’s a woman, I’m a woman we can talk, right? WRONG. She will not even entertain the idea of birth control – it’s against God’s law somehow. I can’t fathom a God like this. And before some whacked-out Christian starts going off on me – I want to let you know that because of all the problems with labour and delivery from her last child – my daughter was told it was not such a good idea to have another baby and that IF she absolutely had to have another – she should wait at least a year and a half. Further more she was told she was that under no circumstances was she to go into active labour or have contractions.(Someone needs to explain to me how one has a baby WITHOUT contractions.)
So now, I am frightened for my daughter. (Scared to death would be a more appropriate term). And she wanted me to be as thrilled about this family as her ‘in-laws’ are and I just can’t be...so we are once again on edge with each other. At one point during our conversation I asked if she thought God’s order to Adam and Eve to ‘go forth, be fruitful and multiply’ applied directly JUST to her and her husband...yeah OK not a good thing to say…but I wasn’t going to pull my punches with her – I never have with either of my kids.
I just can’t help but feel that once again here we have an innocent ‘lamb’ being led to a slaughter and she doesn’t even know she’s the main course.
*sigh*
I’ve asked for prayers before, I am asking again…
posted by Colette at 6:33 AM
1 Comments:
I can totally sympathize. I was raised Irish Catholic (luckily the rulers and nuns were non-existant until I was in high school), neither my parents or I attend Church. Possibly for political reasons. And yes, I feel guilty (I practically consider it a racial trait). So, you definitely have my prayers.
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