The 'Soul-Mate' delusion

No Virginia, I don’t believe in Santa Claus…(actually I *DO* believe in the spirit of Father Christmas {only I call him Pere Noel})

I never thought of romance in terms of ‘soul-mates’. Oh sure, I’ve had guys that have touched my soul, but then I’ve had children, small animals, picture, words and a good wine do that too…

I think we get way too caught up in the willingness to surrender ourselves. I am not talking about un-selflessness, I talking about selling out, I am talking about trying so hard to find 'Mr./Mrs./ Right' that you compromise yourself to the point of not being able to recognise who you really are anymore.

I am the first to admit I am picky. REALLY picky now – I wasn’t always so picky – nope, I used to fall for just about anything. I have now convinced myself I am no longer able to fall in love any longer. I simply don’t trust anyone anymore – I feel too fragile, too damaged. And it’s not that I am not willing to take that leap of faith but only when it’s required and I have to tell you for the most part, at least through the channels I’ve gone through of late, it is utterly and most definitely not worth my while to jump…

And I think it’s ridiculous the way people portray themselves on-line. I mean it’s like they are selling a used car (and they are). They don’t have current pictures, or worse, they lie about themselves. Alarms go off when I find a guy in his 40s who has never been married or had kids (and I am sure there ARE some guys out there who don’t have any baggage – but frankly, I WANT someone who already knows what marriage is about and whose kids are at least in high-school not 3 through 13 yrs old – cause I don’t want to raise anyone’s kids at this point). I am sure I am simply pigeon-holing myself into a box and I am going to miss out on something really special (but I kind of doubt it).

And sociologically this is ALL very fascinating – not that I view it as some kind of experiment because I really would like to date someone – but you have to wonder what with the constant barrage of on-line dating sites, match-making services, etc. just what exactly IS going on out there and why oh why can’t we simply meet each other without all this subterfuge or (frankly) the cost. I don’t feel one should pay to meet ones supposed ‘soul-mate’ (*laughs*).

The other night I met the lady my landlord is currently seeing. He and I had a definite attraction between us, however every single friggin’ time I went over there, the guy was 3-sheets to the wind – EVERYTIME. I can’t, I won’t, and I absolutely refuse to date a drunk. So recently I noticed that there was another car parked in his drive night after night. My son indicated it was his ‘lady-friend’. Well I finally met her. She too was drunk. But we began talking and I found out they met through losing their respective spouses (my landlord lost his spouse to the ravages of COPD and also believe it or not polio; she lost her spouse to cancer) and, that she herself was dealing with the aftermath of cancer. She is trying to become a certified Reiki practitioner and she is big on Yoga. She is also a successful editor and free-lance writer. She’s smart, wickedly funny, cute and very damaged (she’s EXACTLY like me – cause I am all these things as well) – we clicked instantly. And I realised then and there, that it’s not about having a soul-mate at all. It’s about being with someone who has some similar life experiences, someone you can related to, laugh with, enjoy and mainly someone who can help to keep the dark night at bay when everything seems endless, fruitless, and hopeless, but then rise each morning together to greet a new chance for happiness, contentment and love.