Tonight..as the world sleeps
I am in a strange house (not all that strange I love these people, I've slept here before - but not without them being here...)
I am restless. I don't know if I am going to be able *to* sleep.
I could write about all I am feeling right now...have been feeling lately...I would not know where to begin...
There's a leap of faith going on here. I am not sure I am ready to leap (and part of me is frightened that I may have gone too far already). I am trying to stay true to myself, to not upset the delicate balance that holds my psyche together like so much silken thread, sure it's strong but it's fragile too...
There are some 'issues' that need to be worked out...and they are niggling like the little doubts in the back of my mind. I am trying to keep it all in perspective but it's hard...I don't like the idea of throwing babies out with bathwater...
And..if one more fucking person tells me to 'just have fun' I am going to fucking scream....arrrrggghhhh! Shut the hell up - OK! (For the record I AM having fun - I am enjoying every single moment that I get with him - it just never feels like enough.)
"Be of love more careful than of anything else" - who the hell said that? (at one point I *thought* it was e.e. cummings) - whomever it was, they were wise.
...and I don't know WHY I am agonizing....maybe because it's been so long since I've had anything this good, that I feel like a kid in a candy store and I want it all. NOW! *stomps foot*
*sheepish grin*
I know I need to breathe...and relax...it's just difficult and I feel a bit unhinged by the whole thing and as I said needing to just keep my wits about me - but I feel disarmed too - flying without a safety net...
It's just all really fucking scary, gang...exhilarating...but scary.
I am restless. I don't know if I am going to be able *to* sleep.
I could write about all I am feeling right now...have been feeling lately...I would not know where to begin...
There's a leap of faith going on here. I am not sure I am ready to leap (and part of me is frightened that I may have gone too far already). I am trying to stay true to myself, to not upset the delicate balance that holds my psyche together like so much silken thread, sure it's strong but it's fragile too...
There are some 'issues' that need to be worked out...and they are niggling like the little doubts in the back of my mind. I am trying to keep it all in perspective but it's hard...I don't like the idea of throwing babies out with bathwater...
And..if one more fucking person tells me to 'just have fun' I am going to fucking scream....arrrrggghhhh! Shut the hell up - OK! (For the record I AM having fun - I am enjoying every single moment that I get with him - it just never feels like enough.)
"Be of love more careful than of anything else" - who the hell said that? (at one point I *thought* it was e.e. cummings) - whomever it was, they were wise.
...and I don't know WHY I am agonizing....maybe because it's been so long since I've had anything this good, that I feel like a kid in a candy store and I want it all. NOW! *stomps foot*
*sheepish grin*
I know I need to breathe...and relax...it's just difficult and I feel a bit unhinged by the whole thing and as I said needing to just keep my wits about me - but I feel disarmed too - flying without a safety net...
It's just all really fucking scary, gang...exhilarating...but scary.
posted by Colette at 12:04 AM
2 Comments:
lordy miss collette sounds like you in love ... rory ain't got no advice ... like you say in the next post, person in love don't need the truisms ... but your post is filled with the feelin' of it ... and that smells like lilies and sweetfern watered with tears ... best to you
(siiigh) l'amour. bon courage madame, bon courage .. ^_^
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