Stepping stones and milestones...

Streaming consciousness and observations...

(...did not sleep at all last night – I am so fucking tired…this is getting old…WTF???)

This weekend, spending quality time with my son; Having (as usual) wonderful and interesting conversations with him – laughing – being amazed at his insight and wit. Talking about music, politics, life in general. Taking him with me to Erin’s Sunday and he got to be around the kids for a little and brought his guitar to play. I am hoping for more interactions like this...

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Found out my friend, Scott (Yoga studio guy) – lost his father over the weekend. Last night I went to the funeral home to pay my respects. It was weird and uncomfortable. He’s now going through a divorce with his wife so there was tension in that respect. When he saw me he hugged me – a bit to tightly, a bit too long, I could sense her and her in-laws looking at me in that ‘other woman’ sort of way...

*shivers*

Of course it did not help when at various points, Scott brought up ‘dating me’ and finally at the end of the night as we hugged goodbye him telling me he was sorry he ‘missed his opportunity with me..’ Just weird; Peyton Place at Davis Funeral Home...

geez...

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Went over to be with my beloved Erin last night after the visit with Scott. I was there to give him a back rub; his neck, shoulders, back have been really bothering him. He has ‘issues’ that need some medical intervention. He is in pain a lot and it’s hard for me to see him (or for that matter, anyone I care for) suffer. I think I gave him a nice massage (LOL for an ‘unprofessional’ I am getting rather good at this)….afterwards he got a call asking him to run into the office for a bit. He asked me to stay there because he could not leave the kids alone. They were asleep in bed. He asked me to stay. I was willing to stay until he got home. He asked me to spend the night. WOW. This is the second time I have spent the night WHILE the kids were there. It’s HUGE to me – to him.

As we lie in bed together after he got back from the office, we talked – I will echo what he tells me – this feels ‘right’. There is an energy between us that continues to resonate within and through us, connecting us to each other and I am still amazed by the power of this love.

I have my doubts – I am human – I have a tendency (due to past relationships what-have-you) to fret a little to doubt the veracity of some situations – not my feelings I trust my gut. I’ve been told enough by friends/acquaintances, even strangers to stop looking a gift horse in the mouth, to stop ‘wondering’ if this is all going to work out...

There are definite issues though and the biggest one is age. It’s not that *I* care – it’s not that *HE* cares – it’s just what IS. I can see it causing potential problems. I can see it being an issue down the road. I don’t want this to stop anything because a slight potential exists for ‘issues’ – if things change they changes…it IS scary to me to be approaching the future at times without a road map. Flying by the seat of my pants with nothing but love and my faith to guide me – it’s also one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done...but then ALL love is risk. I have to say – I’ve never been so willing to gamble.