Friday, December 01, 2006

The other shoe...

Dropped.

Finally. Thank God.

Look I am sick and fucking tired of people even using that phrase in terms of ‘affaires du coeur’: “I/we keep waiting for the other shoe to drop” Um yeah OK – how daft. OF COURSE the other shoe is going to drop – it has to….it’s a relief especially if you can get through it – and especially if it helps you to ‘navigate’ other potential problems.

The situation: My love has an ex – big surprise there eh? He made a promise to her when they were dating about helping her to transfer data from a cassette to a CD – it is very important to this woman that this be done.

Well they broke up and he did not do that. He has occasion to ‘run into her’ apparently from time to time and he recently did and it got him to thinking about the ‘promise’ he made to help her. So he called her and he offered to help her. THEN he told me...

*holds breath – lets it go*

So yeah I went to the fear/insecure ‘what the fuck do you need to do this for her for?’ place. He IS an honorable man. This was not about him doing something nice for someone. It was about me being uncomfortable (and yes hurt) by him doing something for an ex lover.

Now – I was pretty upset. I was hurting. We have talked this through and he IS going to do this – and I still DO feel uncomfortable – but I will survive this as long as he is honest.

As the wonderfully wise Mr. C pointed out:

If there is continued contact with this woman, then we have a problem...

I would like you to try to look at it like this: If in fact this is to do this chick on his lunch hour, he would not have said anything. Two, if in fact, that was the case, then it will come out in the wash then, only then will an anger be justified. Three: Remember, we don't own our lovers, if we truely love then, we give them the freedom to do both the right thing, or the wrong thing for that matter


Ah darling Mr. C (hey are you married? Just kidding) – yes we give our lovers enough rope to hang themselves – what a great idea.

Seriously, he’s right.

Relationships are not easy (LOL that’s why they call them ‘relationships’). We are all – every single one of us - going to (at any given time) be haunted by ghosts of relationships past, by our dysfunctional childhoods, by all sorts of traumas, and, (as with having children) we don’t get an owner’s manual (um well except he DID provide me with one – but so what - that does not negate/cancel out my ‘fears’ ALL the time) – as long as we remember the reasons why we fell in love in the first place and work things through (and are WILLING to work things through) – I think we will find that in the end we are blessed with a much stronger love – one that can survive the ups and downs of life.

Now, that is not to say I am going to be OK if he continues to ‘do things’ for this chick. Nor will I be really all that ‘good’ about this if he has to spend hours ALONE with her – that will not set well with me – I don’t share very well – so be it. But again we can cross that bridge if and when we come to it.

Both of us have ‘situations’ that the other has to be patient about ‘ex-wife/ex-husband’ bullshit) and we are. I am hoping that as this relationship evolves, we will be able to continue to have the ability to discuss and work through the emotions and come out on the other side stronger and even more in love with each other.

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