Reposting II
(This is a reposting from last year - there was a lot to choose from....it's long and rambling kids...but than hey - welcome to the world inside my head ^_^)
"What is Love?"
(LOL – great now I have the song going through my head - was it the movie ‘A Night at the Roxbury’ that breathed new life into that one?)
It’s amazing to me all the convolutions/evolutions/permutations we go through as humans when it comes to this (I’ll call it a virus; because to me that’s what it seems like).
LOVE.
What would we do without it? Part of me thinks we may be a lot happier – part of me knows truthfully we would die without love in our lives – in some form.
What of love?
I remember reading the little tart’s writing where she wrote something like ‘They don’t let you love enough here’
WTF does that mean? Does it mean that one should be allowed to love without discrimination, hurting anyone that gets in the path of their supposed love. And how can it be called love if it harms others involved. Is it that their love because it’s so lustful, so hot, so flavour du jour, is the ONLY love that matters? What of love and loyalty to family; to someone that you took vows with? Does that love not compare somehow – is it diminished because the hubby can’t get it up for his wife any longer?
I used to think it was OK to love more than one person at a time – I still think it’s OK – heck I think it’s natural – but oh the heartache we set ourselves up for by doing that.
I’ve talked to people about this and tried reasoning it out somehow in my head and I’ve come to believe there is no reasoning with the heart – the heart wants what the heart wants, the hell with the head. We set ourselves up for this you know...
Like Mr. Hess remarked we should have ‘renewable/negotiable contracts’ between each other so that parties can enter arbitration yearly instead of being stuck in a loveless/sexless marriage (or is that just the latest pick up line guys are using these days?) ; I’ll get an e-mail msg ‘Hi C – would love to meet you – I am ‘stuck’ in a loveless/sexless marriage and my wife and I have a ‘don’t ask/don’t tell’ agreement – I’d LOVE to meet you’ or ‘My wife just doesn’t understand me’
Yeah ok buddy, I’ve got news for you – she doesn’t want to understand you – is that your excuse for cheating?
Is it any wonder I feel the way I do about this shit. I feel like I was born at the wrong time, that I am too romantic, old-fashioned, stuck in some mind set that won’t allow me to somehow let go.
Margaret Cho remarked in one of her live acts that she wanted a ‘Henna husband’.
I do too. Wouldn’t it be nice to just ‘wash that many right out of your hair’ when things get bad? But then what happens when they get under your skin? What happens when no matter what you do – they won’t go away – they haunt you – and does that really ever happen anymore? Do *I* have the ability to get under a man’s skin anymore? I kind of doubt it – and is that the ONLY thing I will be satisfied with – cause I want it all –otherwise why bother, I’ll just end up bored out of my skull...
*yawn*
They’re all so blatantly pedestrian and boring...no fire, no substance, no edginess, no willingness to just let it fly, it’s all about the ‘comfort zone’ or pretending to be anything but – yet in reality when faced with the danger, the possibility, the fear takes over and off they run screaming for their mothers, it’s absurd and ridiculous and I am tired of all of it completely.
They are threatened by my stances, by my anger, by my unwillingness to be anything other than what I am, they don’t hear me when I talk (or rant) – they think I am nagging, negative, complaining, bitchy or bitter – ah I see but when it’s a man it’s turned around somehow, and suddenly instead it’s viewed that they are aggressive (but in a good way), capable, able to get the job done, no nonsense etc. They want someone safe, not challenging, not intellectual, not confrontational, or aggressive (as a woman that is - cause that’s somehow that's a bad trait in the ‘weaker sex’), and certainly not someone who is going to ‘fight back’ – and perhaps I can’t really blame them – but, what’s absolutely hysterical to me is yet they don’t want it boring either….BE CREATIVE – but only in the confines of the bedroom….
Passion to me is something I wear on my sleeve – it’s here for the entire world to see a la this medium – my home here on the internet – it is here I come to whisper my secrets, my fears, where I rant and rave at society, the world in general…it’s where I expose myself, become self-deprecating, morose, bitter, sarcastic, sad, self-recriminating, it’s where I take a good look at myself and try to figure things out. It’s ME I am ME – how about that – strange having someone truly be themselves without apology isn’t it? It’s not meant to be fodder for anyone else – yet the entire world is fodder for me to write about...unfair huh? Too bad.
I have loves in my life. A lot of them are still ‘around’ they are wrong for me – I for them – some are actually a detriment to my health. Some are unrequited – I will never be with them because either I have some weird moral code or they are in love elsewhere. *laughs* it’s like the J. Geils band song ‘Love Stinks’ : “You love her, but she loves him And he loves somebody else, you just can't ever win…”
We drive ourselves crazy over something that began as a biological imperative and has now turned us into horny, lustful, dissatisfied, bored, complacent, irresponsible dullards. I don’t want to go back to the ‘way things were’– mainly cause I’ve no reason to bear children anymore – I LIKE ROMANCE, but I will say this for being ‘scientific’ and unflinchingly brutal about it – at least it was more honest and at least our feelings didn’t get so hurt.
In tribes it was (and for all I know still is) – acceptable for the chief to have his pick of women and for him to father many children with different women because the blood-lines, the best of the genetic make up were passed on and, since he was the ‘leader’ supposedly the bravest, the best/the crème de la crème, well that was all for the betterment of society. It somehow became not the thing to do and suddenly we sprouted 'morals' and needed a ‘God’ and thus became civilised - but really after all this time – and all I see on the Internet, on TV, in the movies - have we?
Affairs of the heart have gone on for time immemorial – they always will. Kings have gone to war, abdicated their thrones all for the love of a woman; possibly a woman that was forbidden. Is that really romance, or is that the folly of a fool? Empires crumbled, art was created, books, music all manner of tributes paid in the name of love – so what is it that keeps us going back for more after we feel like our heart has been torn to shreds and we are numb inside. Is it fear of loneliness? Is it because we figure we’ll finally ‘get it right’ this time?
Beats the hell out me – this is more a rambling, probably incoherent attempt at some half-assed introspection. I’ve said time and time again I’d like someone in my life – but maybe I’d just be better off getting a dog – cause I am just not up for, nor do I have the energy for, the games or the stomach or gumption to take on all that risk anymore….part of me is simply beginning to feel it just isn’t worth it at all. Romance was probably just a figment of my tattered imagination – something – perhaps an ad campaign, crafted long ago by a genius to keep all of us distracted…and like the faerie tale it is *poof* after a while it disappears like so many childhood memories, never to be recaptured.
"What is Love?"
(LOL – great now I have the song going through my head - was it the movie ‘A Night at the Roxbury’ that breathed new life into that one?)
It’s amazing to me all the convolutions/evolutions/permutations we go through as humans when it comes to this (I’ll call it a virus; because to me that’s what it seems like).
LOVE.
What would we do without it? Part of me thinks we may be a lot happier – part of me knows truthfully we would die without love in our lives – in some form.
What of love?
I remember reading the little tart’s writing where she wrote something like ‘They don’t let you love enough here’
WTF does that mean? Does it mean that one should be allowed to love without discrimination, hurting anyone that gets in the path of their supposed love. And how can it be called love if it harms others involved. Is it that their love because it’s so lustful, so hot, so flavour du jour, is the ONLY love that matters? What of love and loyalty to family; to someone that you took vows with? Does that love not compare somehow – is it diminished because the hubby can’t get it up for his wife any longer?
I used to think it was OK to love more than one person at a time – I still think it’s OK – heck I think it’s natural – but oh the heartache we set ourselves up for by doing that.
I’ve talked to people about this and tried reasoning it out somehow in my head and I’ve come to believe there is no reasoning with the heart – the heart wants what the heart wants, the hell with the head. We set ourselves up for this you know...
Like Mr. Hess remarked we should have ‘renewable/negotiable contracts’ between each other so that parties can enter arbitration yearly instead of being stuck in a loveless/sexless marriage (or is that just the latest pick up line guys are using these days?) ; I’ll get an e-mail msg ‘Hi C – would love to meet you – I am ‘stuck’ in a loveless/sexless marriage and my wife and I have a ‘don’t ask/don’t tell’ agreement – I’d LOVE to meet you’ or ‘My wife just doesn’t understand me’
Yeah ok buddy, I’ve got news for you – she doesn’t want to understand you – is that your excuse for cheating?
Is it any wonder I feel the way I do about this shit. I feel like I was born at the wrong time, that I am too romantic, old-fashioned, stuck in some mind set that won’t allow me to somehow let go.
Margaret Cho remarked in one of her live acts that she wanted a ‘Henna husband’.
I do too. Wouldn’t it be nice to just ‘wash that many right out of your hair’ when things get bad? But then what happens when they get under your skin? What happens when no matter what you do – they won’t go away – they haunt you – and does that really ever happen anymore? Do *I* have the ability to get under a man’s skin anymore? I kind of doubt it – and is that the ONLY thing I will be satisfied with – cause I want it all –otherwise why bother, I’ll just end up bored out of my skull...
*yawn*
They’re all so blatantly pedestrian and boring...no fire, no substance, no edginess, no willingness to just let it fly, it’s all about the ‘comfort zone’ or pretending to be anything but – yet in reality when faced with the danger, the possibility, the fear takes over and off they run screaming for their mothers, it’s absurd and ridiculous and I am tired of all of it completely.
They are threatened by my stances, by my anger, by my unwillingness to be anything other than what I am, they don’t hear me when I talk (or rant) – they think I am nagging, negative, complaining, bitchy or bitter – ah I see but when it’s a man it’s turned around somehow, and suddenly instead it’s viewed that they are aggressive (but in a good way), capable, able to get the job done, no nonsense etc. They want someone safe, not challenging, not intellectual, not confrontational, or aggressive (as a woman that is - cause that’s somehow that's a bad trait in the ‘weaker sex’), and certainly not someone who is going to ‘fight back’ – and perhaps I can’t really blame them – but, what’s absolutely hysterical to me is yet they don’t want it boring either….BE CREATIVE – but only in the confines of the bedroom….
Passion to me is something I wear on my sleeve – it’s here for the entire world to see a la this medium – my home here on the internet – it is here I come to whisper my secrets, my fears, where I rant and rave at society, the world in general…it’s where I expose myself, become self-deprecating, morose, bitter, sarcastic, sad, self-recriminating, it’s where I take a good look at myself and try to figure things out. It’s ME I am ME – how about that – strange having someone truly be themselves without apology isn’t it? It’s not meant to be fodder for anyone else – yet the entire world is fodder for me to write about...unfair huh? Too bad.
I have loves in my life. A lot of them are still ‘around’ they are wrong for me – I for them – some are actually a detriment to my health. Some are unrequited – I will never be with them because either I have some weird moral code or they are in love elsewhere. *laughs* it’s like the J. Geils band song ‘Love Stinks’ : “You love her, but she loves him And he loves somebody else, you just can't ever win…”
We drive ourselves crazy over something that began as a biological imperative and has now turned us into horny, lustful, dissatisfied, bored, complacent, irresponsible dullards. I don’t want to go back to the ‘way things were’– mainly cause I’ve no reason to bear children anymore – I LIKE ROMANCE, but I will say this for being ‘scientific’ and unflinchingly brutal about it – at least it was more honest and at least our feelings didn’t get so hurt.
In tribes it was (and for all I know still is) – acceptable for the chief to have his pick of women and for him to father many children with different women because the blood-lines, the best of the genetic make up were passed on and, since he was the ‘leader’ supposedly the bravest, the best/the crème de la crème, well that was all for the betterment of society. It somehow became not the thing to do and suddenly we sprouted 'morals' and needed a ‘God’ and thus became civilised - but really after all this time – and all I see on the Internet, on TV, in the movies - have we?
Affairs of the heart have gone on for time immemorial – they always will. Kings have gone to war, abdicated their thrones all for the love of a woman; possibly a woman that was forbidden. Is that really romance, or is that the folly of a fool? Empires crumbled, art was created, books, music all manner of tributes paid in the name of love – so what is it that keeps us going back for more after we feel like our heart has been torn to shreds and we are numb inside. Is it fear of loneliness? Is it because we figure we’ll finally ‘get it right’ this time?
Beats the hell out me – this is more a rambling, probably incoherent attempt at some half-assed introspection. I’ve said time and time again I’d like someone in my life – but maybe I’d just be better off getting a dog – cause I am just not up for, nor do I have the energy for, the games or the stomach or gumption to take on all that risk anymore….part of me is simply beginning to feel it just isn’t worth it at all. Romance was probably just a figment of my tattered imagination – something – perhaps an ad campaign, crafted long ago by a genius to keep all of us distracted…and like the faerie tale it is *poof* after a while it disappears like so many childhood memories, never to be recaptured.
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posted by Colette at 8:22 AM
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