Life in the shape of decay (a repost)
(We do this shite on FB, why the fuck not - maybe re-publishing some of my old thoughts will help me find the keys or where I left this vehicle that used to be my soul...)
It all started with my friend Scott. Because we work at the same place we see each other from time to time – always greeting with a hug. This time as he hugged me and I asked after him he told me his dad was admitted to hospice...it’s been coming...the gathering storm...life in decay...
Work’s been blasé, stressful, and irritating…
‘This ain’t the summer of love’; ‘Love, love will tear us apart...’
People around me are imploding in their relationships…a frantic call from a friend who is barely hanging by a thread...listening to stories about others’ marriages failing...love in decay...
Last night was the concert at the Beachland Ballroom to see Ladytron. Mr. C and I went. Beforehand, I stopped at his friend’s (D~ who lives above a funeral home with his girlfriend S~) – to meet prior to the concert. D & S looked like death warmed over (pun intended). Both are doing the ‘student’ thing and seemed just totally lethargic.
D~ greeted me: ‘SO how’s the new ‘man’ thing?’
Me: ‘Ah….*shrugs* OK…today’s a bad day to ask...’
Him: ???????
As I was leaving he told me ‘C – don’t do the ‘girl thing’’
WTF?
So yeah there may be a little bit of trouble in paradise but what gets to me is that when you don’t answer in some sort of ‘glowing and/or incredibly blissful’ way about a new relationship, people think something is terribly wrong…
The concert was great. Got to meet Mr. C’s son – he was a riot – cute, funny, adorable, and affectionate. We had a lot of fun…he is a work in progress and it’s nice to meet that ‘Y chromosome’ from his set of offspring – he’s a great young man.
Amidst a venue of an old Croat hall there was music. First act was called CSS – the pint-sized dynamo who was the singer kicked ass. I really enjoyed them and their energy.
Then came Ladytron - music to decay by…intense, rhythmic, dark, trance/ambient/techno/Gothic/Germanic
Perhaps it was the beer, the clove cigarettes, the xtasy (insert drug of choice here) kicking in but after about 5 songs the hall was moving in syncopation, we stood close, you could smell body heat, you could feel people’s breath we swayed/moved in unison we seemed of one mind.
Got home called Erin, talked, went to bed.
Slept fitfully. Woke up upset, fretful, concerned.
Life isn’t smooth. ‘Fasten your seat belts, we’re in for a bumpy ride!’
I struggle with trust (rightly so I might add). I struggle period…don’t we all? I say and write things that cause me problems. I STILL think too much. I want to be reassured but there’s no reassurance when the problems lie within or when the things I perceive AS issues are ‘pooh-poohed’. (Keep telling yourself 'it’s JUST a relationship, it’s JUST a relationship' – Dorothy clicking those ruby slippers). Perception might be within the eye of the beholder but it’s still there – I was once told when studying psychology that YOUR reality may be flawed but it is the ONLY reality your perceive – sometimes it’s hard to move past your own limitations for whatever reason If it grows wearisome to the other parties so be it...I wonder what the point is a lot of the time...I’m not little Miss Mary Sunshine, and I never have been….I never will be which is fine. I am filled with joy and hope and sometimes my darkness over-rides the joy and hope, but to me that *IS* normal – I hate perky, plastic people (don’t you?)...yeah OK, I thought so...
I want to be the person I am meant to be – whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. It’s changeable. I am not the same as I was yesterday, or will be tomorrow. Let me share my decay with you, perhaps together we will be able to stop it...
Yeah...
I’ll leave you to your thoughts...
It all started with my friend Scott. Because we work at the same place we see each other from time to time – always greeting with a hug. This time as he hugged me and I asked after him he told me his dad was admitted to hospice...it’s been coming...the gathering storm...life in decay...
Work’s been blasé, stressful, and irritating…
‘This ain’t the summer of love’; ‘Love, love will tear us apart...’
People around me are imploding in their relationships…a frantic call from a friend who is barely hanging by a thread...listening to stories about others’ marriages failing...love in decay...
Last night was the concert at the Beachland Ballroom to see Ladytron. Mr. C and I went. Beforehand, I stopped at his friend’s (D~ who lives above a funeral home with his girlfriend S~) – to meet prior to the concert. D & S looked like death warmed over (pun intended). Both are doing the ‘student’ thing and seemed just totally lethargic.
D~ greeted me: ‘SO how’s the new ‘man’ thing?’
Me: ‘Ah….*shrugs* OK…today’s a bad day to ask...’
Him: ???????
As I was leaving he told me ‘C – don’t do the ‘girl thing’’
WTF?
So yeah there may be a little bit of trouble in paradise but what gets to me is that when you don’t answer in some sort of ‘glowing and/or incredibly blissful’ way about a new relationship, people think something is terribly wrong…
The concert was great. Got to meet Mr. C’s son – he was a riot – cute, funny, adorable, and affectionate. We had a lot of fun…he is a work in progress and it’s nice to meet that ‘Y chromosome’ from his set of offspring – he’s a great young man.
Amidst a venue of an old Croat hall there was music. First act was called CSS – the pint-sized dynamo who was the singer kicked ass. I really enjoyed them and their energy.
Then came Ladytron - music to decay by…intense, rhythmic, dark, trance/ambient/techno/Gothic/Germanic
Perhaps it was the beer, the clove cigarettes, the xtasy (insert drug of choice here) kicking in but after about 5 songs the hall was moving in syncopation, we stood close, you could smell body heat, you could feel people’s breath we swayed/moved in unison we seemed of one mind.
Got home called Erin, talked, went to bed.
Slept fitfully. Woke up upset, fretful, concerned.
Life isn’t smooth. ‘Fasten your seat belts, we’re in for a bumpy ride!’
I struggle with trust (rightly so I might add). I struggle period…don’t we all? I say and write things that cause me problems. I STILL think too much. I want to be reassured but there’s no reassurance when the problems lie within or when the things I perceive AS issues are ‘pooh-poohed’. (Keep telling yourself 'it’s JUST a relationship, it’s JUST a relationship' – Dorothy clicking those ruby slippers). Perception might be within the eye of the beholder but it’s still there – I was once told when studying psychology that YOUR reality may be flawed but it is the ONLY reality your perceive – sometimes it’s hard to move past your own limitations for whatever reason If it grows wearisome to the other parties so be it...I wonder what the point is a lot of the time...I’m not little Miss Mary Sunshine, and I never have been….I never will be which is fine. I am filled with joy and hope and sometimes my darkness over-rides the joy and hope, but to me that *IS* normal – I hate perky, plastic people (don’t you?)...yeah OK, I thought so...
I want to be the person I am meant to be – whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. It’s changeable. I am not the same as I was yesterday, or will be tomorrow. Let me share my decay with you, perhaps together we will be able to stop it...
Yeah...
I’ll leave you to your thoughts...
posted by Colette at 11:03 AM
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