*NOW* is the winter of our discontent

Or so it would seem...winter has arrived – just in time for spring

*smirk*

Snow – it’s been snowing a lot lately – outside and inside my head. I am still not feeling well – a head cold rages inside of me and I feel like I have wads of cotton balls glued together with rubber cement stuffed up my nose and sinus passages...UGH!

I really need more energy – I really need more rest…..but I need to rest to help get rid of this whatever-the-hell-it-is I have...I feel so drained – but it’s because I have not slept well in about a week because I can’t breathe...it’s awful...doctor’s appointment tout suite...(more on this later)

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So the weekend was nice – except for me showing up to teach a class where once again none of the students showed to my studio – after talking with Scott, I’ve come to the decision that it would be best to pre-register people and make them pay in advance – I did not wish to do it this way but time is money – if I am going to be hindered by the fact that we have literally no foot traffic then the only thing that leave me to do is advertise and get people to pay for 4 classes or 6 classes up front - I am also at the point where I am feeling like this studio space is a waste of my time because I don’t have any foot traffic and therefore can’t draw from the community – word of mouth is all well and fine and good but it’s not working either and my budget for advertising is non-existent but I have to either advertise or network...

Saturday was spent with Liam and Sid – we were suppose to go out to Bounce (a local club) to celebrate Liam’s b-day (Happy Birthday sweetums!) – however I was feeling still so tired and drained and could not breathe that I knew I could not go to a club where people might be smoking – so we opted instead to stay in and eat pizza and watch movies.

We watched (in order of appearance):

'Big Eden' - which was sort of a gay version of 'Northern Exposure' meets a little bit of 'Twin Peaks' - entertaining and sweet...kind of bizarre too...

Then we watched 'Latter Days' - Sid I love you I really do - and while this movie was OK - I don't think it was that wonderful (like I said they just seemed to be trying too hard)(sorry)don't get me wrong I liked the message of the movie but still...and guys we need to have a hetero marathon one of these nights (just kiddin')...

Lastly (see image in post below) we watched Margaret Cho's 'Revolution'

I swear to Goddess there were times I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to choke up food...

She is amazing and I have apparently found a secret twin in her - I agreed with just about everything she said from politics to how to live your life....

For instance she was commenting on how certain things make her feel - and how she really gets incensed - like being an Asian-American and trying to deal with the stereotyping and our ignorance - and while I can not identify with that I absolutely identified with her reaction to when things make her outraged....

SHE GOES THERE!

SHE STOOPS TO THEIR LEVEL WHEN PEOPLE PISS HER OFF WITH THEIR IGNORANCE!

To that I say Bravo Ms. Cho

Because you see I am always (well not always but a lot of the time) - having to defend myself when I find myself wanting to tell people how rude they are in public - I've been told they aren't going to learn anything by me letting them know just what fucktards they are being - you know what I DON'T CARE IF THEY LEARN ANYTHING. As a matter fo fact they AREN'T going to learn anything we've already established the fact that they are ignorant fucktards - it does not mean that *I* am going to be 'Ms. Nice Girl' and shut the hell up to make *everyone else* comfy, because sometimes you CAN teach a fucktard....

Further I am sick to death of acting like I am a lesser person for being angry with the c*nt that helped destroy my marriage. I was in fact (the next morning) saying to Liam that if I do run into her at my work (or elsewhere), she's toast - and I mean bloody toast - I asked him if he understood why I felt that way and he totally did - I am not suggesting he approved. And I of course deplore violence but sometimes you just can't help letting your baser actions come through and I am tired of feeling like it's wrong or somehow making me a lesser person - seriously - because it isn't - the lesser people here are my ex - for cheating and her for breaking up a marriage - even though the little bitch claims to friends that we weren't married (she also claimed that I wrote to her and said things I *never* said - probably to keep the lie going and to save face to *her* friends) - oh yeah I get it - it's OK to break up any OTHER relationship huh? So explain why then you went on to destroy a *real* family??? And by the way my dear, the kids in THAT house are suffering now (no fridge, leaking roof in winter) because you stole their dad from their mom - way to go bitch - but *I* am somehow not suppose to stoop that low???? Uhm no...I don't think so....

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OK so back to the doctor thingy....so here I am in my 40s and I think by now I know my own body - so you'd think (especialy considering where I work), that I could call up my doctor and get her to call in an RX for some antibiotics because I can feel what I have turning into an infection - I KNOW THIS (WHY?) BECAUSE IT'S *MY* BODY! - ya think???? Nope - I *have* to be seen - so today I had to leave work early just to go get seen (not even by my normal PCP) - to be told yes indeed I am right and get prescribed the antibiotics (by the time I got to the doctor's office I was running a low-grade fever - only proving my case) - all that time wasted, when all they had to do was call in a script. I don't get it - I am not a 'drug-seeker' and besides you can't get high off of antibiotics, and, I would rather do anything in the world besides take medicine but I know when something like this comes along if I don't 'nip it in the bud' it WILL progress into pneumonia - and I know a lot of people who are this intelligent - it just seems like such a waste of time, money (which yes indeedy folks, time is money), and man-power - I can tell you right now why the medcial system is fucked up in this country and how we can fix it but why bother - most people just plod along accepting everything and refuse themselves to GO THERE - perhaps they just aren't as outraged as me yet - perhaps they haven't connected with their inner Margaret Cho yet....

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Finally, I was not trying to suggest in my recent post about 'Freedom' (of expression that is)- that what the Chinese government recently pulled isn't insane and a crime against humanity - if Yahoo and the other biggies like Google aren't going to back human rights then what should we (as supposed global citizens) do to help our brothers and sisters in China - of course those people are being de-humanized - all we seem to be able to do is sit back and watch - Google and Yahoo and MicroSoft are huge companies and all they seem to see is dollar signs - is it enough to get YOU (joe-blow consumer) out there to boycott them - to send your own message that you won't tolerate them doing business with a country that violates human rights?????? Do you think you have the gumption to do that? Are you angry enough to do that?

Tomorrow I will try to find the link to what I heard on NPR tonight (on 'Marketplace')where one commentator was talking about how companies like Yahoo and Google are upset that the government wants them to turn over information to help put an end to child porn - they are up in arms, squawking about how it's an 'invasion of people's privacy' - that the internet shouldn't be censored and never has - that is unless you are China asking Yahoo to give up the personal e-mails of your citizens that have been writing anti-communist-government stuff.....and then of course being Yahoo and seeing all those dollar signs, well you just HAVE to comply with the Chinese government...don't you?????

Food for thought.....GO THERE! STOOP THAT LOW! BE OUTRAGED!

*sniffles*

Good night kids.