Home again, home again
jiggity, jig...
Yes back home again. My son is STILL having problems but he knows if he does not get his diploma, he's in deep shit. So I talked to his teacher today (the woman is a lunatic bitch - seriously a bitch and as computer illiterate as my work mates which is pretty friggin' bad)...but he IS according to her getting his work in on time now.
Keep your fingers crossed.
************
Today I had to take my dearest friend's daughter to the hospital with me - she is in need of tests. She is seriously ill and she looks it - every inch of what used to be a gorgeous body is ravaged by illness. It makes my heart sick to see her. She was always so vivacious, so beautiful so full of energy and light and now she is so gravely ill - we don't even know just how bad it is - we should know something soon.
I want to add something here I failed to mention yesterday when I posted this - that despite this young woman's outward 'appearance' shie is still very much HER - she is full of fire and passion and is (to me at least) still clear and vital and vibrant and yes even beautiful and it dawns on me that beauty isn't being superficial or just to gaze upon, 'real/true' beauty comes from within...
I got a chance to talk to her at some length. I am in awe of her grit and her peacefulness about what is going on. Meanwhile, her mother, my dear friend is losing her mind over this - as any mom would be. The problem is the daughter is shutting her out. Not because the daughter is trying to be cruel but because the daughter can't take the mother's constant barrage of 'What's wrong? Why aren't you doing more?' and on and on and on...
I can very clearly see both sides. No, I don't have a daughter that may be dying - but I know what it's like to have your daughter's life be at risk and her seeming to be oblivious to the entire 'drama'.
I can understand why this young woman is acting the way she is - we are after all born only 1 day apart (although decades apart) from each other. It's called 'leave me the fuck alone and let me die in peace'. Seriously. I don't like being sick. No one does. I tell people when I have worries (hell I told all of YOU about me possibly having cancer)...but despite me saying it (perhaps as a courtesy - perhaps as a bid for attention); I still wanted to be left alone about it. And, when I am sick I NEED to be left alone. I think because my mother used 'hover' over me when I was sick and I just don't like that. I hate going to doctors (again we all do), but I was pretty sickly as a child (I was actually quarantined from my family because they thought I might have had 'Scarlet fever')...so I did some time in the sick rooms and hospital and stayed at home quite a bit as a grammar-school kid. Sometimes, you want to be left alone. Sometimes you NEED this. Sometimes you just want to sort through it on your own. The 'trick' here is that they both need to find a 'balance' and it isn't going to be easy, and I fear I am going to have to tell my friend the thing she fears hearing the most about her own daughter: 'Leave her alone, she will come to you when she is ready...and, she may never come to you'. It is so hard to be a parent. So hard to let go of those you love the most. I would think this friend of mine in particular would understand this part as she DID deal with cancer and almost died from the illness. But as a parent...you just can't seem to let go at times.
And children have it rough too - they want to be their own people. They don't want to cling, they don't want us to cling to them. They are given to us for only a short time and THEY know that better than WE do at times. They don't mean to be cruel and it's not that they don't love us - they do - but at a distance and in their own time and space.
Ultimately I wish them both peace and kindness and love. I hope and pray that the universe will see them through this as humanely as possible.
Yes back home again. My son is STILL having problems but he knows if he does not get his diploma, he's in deep shit. So I talked to his teacher today (the woman is a lunatic bitch - seriously a bitch and as computer illiterate as my work mates which is pretty friggin' bad)...but he IS according to her getting his work in on time now.
Keep your fingers crossed.
************
Today I had to take my dearest friend's daughter to the hospital with me - she is in need of tests. She is seriously ill and she looks it - every inch of what used to be a gorgeous body is ravaged by illness. It makes my heart sick to see her. She was always so vivacious, so beautiful so full of energy and light and now she is so gravely ill - we don't even know just how bad it is - we should know something soon.
I want to add something here I failed to mention yesterday when I posted this - that despite this young woman's outward 'appearance' shie is still very much HER - she is full of fire and passion and is (to me at least) still clear and vital and vibrant and yes even beautiful and it dawns on me that beauty isn't being superficial or just to gaze upon, 'real/true' beauty comes from within...
I got a chance to talk to her at some length. I am in awe of her grit and her peacefulness about what is going on. Meanwhile, her mother, my dear friend is losing her mind over this - as any mom would be. The problem is the daughter is shutting her out. Not because the daughter is trying to be cruel but because the daughter can't take the mother's constant barrage of 'What's wrong? Why aren't you doing more?' and on and on and on...
I can very clearly see both sides. No, I don't have a daughter that may be dying - but I know what it's like to have your daughter's life be at risk and her seeming to be oblivious to the entire 'drama'.
I can understand why this young woman is acting the way she is - we are after all born only 1 day apart (although decades apart) from each other. It's called 'leave me the fuck alone and let me die in peace'. Seriously. I don't like being sick. No one does. I tell people when I have worries (hell I told all of YOU about me possibly having cancer)...but despite me saying it (perhaps as a courtesy - perhaps as a bid for attention); I still wanted to be left alone about it. And, when I am sick I NEED to be left alone. I think because my mother used 'hover' over me when I was sick and I just don't like that. I hate going to doctors (again we all do), but I was pretty sickly as a child (I was actually quarantined from my family because they thought I might have had 'Scarlet fever')...so I did some time in the sick rooms and hospital and stayed at home quite a bit as a grammar-school kid. Sometimes, you want to be left alone. Sometimes you NEED this. Sometimes you just want to sort through it on your own. The 'trick' here is that they both need to find a 'balance' and it isn't going to be easy, and I fear I am going to have to tell my friend the thing she fears hearing the most about her own daughter: 'Leave her alone, she will come to you when she is ready...and, she may never come to you'. It is so hard to be a parent. So hard to let go of those you love the most. I would think this friend of mine in particular would understand this part as she DID deal with cancer and almost died from the illness. But as a parent...you just can't seem to let go at times.
And children have it rough too - they want to be their own people. They don't want to cling, they don't want us to cling to them. They are given to us for only a short time and THEY know that better than WE do at times. They don't mean to be cruel and it's not that they don't love us - they do - but at a distance and in their own time and space.
Ultimately I wish them both peace and kindness and love. I hope and pray that the universe will see them through this as humanely as possible.
posted by Colette at 7:40 PM
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