" And the white knight is talking backwards..."

I am a crisis magnet...

..and I am going to lose my son...if I don't do something.

There's squirminess here - there's a sense of 'Gee C - we really feel bad, but we would really rather not know about your personal life' - this from co-workers.

Family and good friends are a bit better - but as Mr C. (the original) pointed out - who wants to listen to anyone else's problems (unless of course you are a barkeep and get paid to do this)....

My son is doing drugs, drugs that he has no business doing and he is so close to 18, that I only have so long to try to keep him from turning himself into an addict (that is unless it's already too late)...

There is something about us in our society that 'permits' kids to do this - we all think it's a 'rite of passage'. I mean I'd be lying if I told anyone I did not abuse drugs, alcohol and the like when I was in my late teens early 20s. But there is nothing like seeing your friends OD or die (which did happen in my case to quite a few of my friends) to change your mind fast about following in their footsteps; not to mention the fact that I KNEW my dad was an alcoholic and I KNEW if I wasn't careful I'd end up dead....

The problem is I can only say or do so much. Yes I can (and am very willing to) play the bitch/I'm your mother card - but then what? Then he runs away? Then he turns 18 and I can't do a friggin' thing anyway? It's delicate, it's hard and I haven't slept in like 4 days (I mean not a real good nights sleep). It's a chess game and I have to be very careful. My son 'talks' a good game - he sounds oh so bright...so knowing.

His dad is on board with me to help but it's like pulling teeth and his dad comes at it from a different way and my son connects better and responds better to his father than he does to me. But dad's view is 'well pot and drinking and occasional 'experimentation' are OK' - mine is you can't say to a kid 'Well this drug is OK but all others are off limits'.

I know he's going to go to parties, I know he is going to experiment. I've tried telling him that all it takes is ONE time to OD - I've tried warning him of all the dangers; I've tried being supportive but firm. I've let him know because of our familial history he is genetically predisposed to being a 'addict' - he feel he knows it 'all' though (I am apparently 'lame' when it comes to this shit accoridng to him), and he believes that being an addict is all 'in your head'; that it's not a 'disease' and you have to be pretty stupid to not recognise such things - he refuses to acknowledge that snorting opiates can lead to addiction incredibly fast, and his sense of bravado and 'I looked it up on the internet so I know what I am doing' astounds me and makes me so frightened and so crazy that I can't even begin to describe it coherently....

He's not yet hit bottom, he's not 'sick and tired of being sick and tired'. He will ultimately do what he wants to do and ultimately all I can do (other than play the 'I'm the parent, you're the minor and this is how it's going to be as long as you live under my roof' card - which I AM indeed playing) is pray...

Pray and do my damndest not to be emotionally weak and lose my cool in front of him. I need to keep a level head...because I only have 3 months until he turns 18...and Goddess help me I really need to play this chess game to win...

...but then in the end - it may very well end up with the 'Red Queen' offing his head...

So once again I'll ask those of you out there to send some good energy his way etc. and hope for the best...