White elephants...

Yesterday my son went to see his pediatrician – his dad accompanied him to the appointment. He and his father are increasing getting upset with me for being such a hard nose about this situation. I feel there is no other way to act. While I wish to keep the lines of communication open between my son and myself (his dad can go pound salt as far as I am concerned), I am NOT his friend – I am his mother – first and foremost. His dad is relaxed, passive-aggressive (gee just like when we were married) – and while he too does not wish to see Tony having drug ‘issues’ he is way more accepting (i.e. ‘Well it’s OK for him to do pot and booze but NOT anything else)…

The good thing that came of this was that he agreed to go to counseling. He is going to see someone the doctor recommended not the woman I am dealing with already (who strikes me as a bit of an alarmist – which makes my nerves worse)…I don’t necessarily have a problem with him seeing another person – especially if he can ‘talk’ and feel comfortable with that person….

Last night as I went to my bedroom to relax a bit I decided better of it and asked if my son wanted to watch a repeat episode of Bill Maher with me…we sat there, I listened to my son breathe – a bit laboured. I felt not tension, exactly, but just what was going on looming over us – and I knew if I kept my mouth shut it would just continue between us, growing bigger, becoming an albatross around the neck of our relationship…

I asked him how his appointment went. He shrugged a bit. I asked him where they ‘hit’ him up for blood. He showed me. I then did something weird – at least considering (well to me at least) – I thanked him for going and getting tested. I told him I loved him very much. We even talked a bit about how there might be something ‘physically’ the matter with him…

I am not sure if it helped or not or what he thought of it. He asked if he could go hang with some of his friends – I hesitated and told him OK – he just needed to be home at a decent hour and do take out the trash. I did go to bed before he came home – I AUTOMATICALLY woke up at 2AM to make sure he DID come home – how I did that I don’t know – perhaps when you sense your child is in danger you become Super Mom or something….

Today his test results came back. ALL NEGATIVE! Everything except for cannabis – which I knew would be in his system…now what????? Mr. C said barbiturates are out of the system in 3 days – but he took a lot of another Rx his doctor gave to him – and considering that was something like 54 pills in 3 weeks time you would have thought something would have remained….that is unless he did a detox – but they took his blood too!


AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

So now I suppose it’s time to play cat and mouse and get him screened randomly and get him to talk to a counselor and hope against hope that he will not decide to keep using anything that’s going to cause him to become so addicted that I won’t know him anymore…

I know this all sounds melodramatic and soap-opera-ish to all of you – but to me this is my baby – he is precious to me and while I know I need to let go, there are just some drugs you don’t want your kid involved with…

This all sounds very ‘Prima Donna’ of me…I am not against the use of marijuana, I am not against the use of wine/beer or even a good stiff drink every once in a while – but I am against addiction – I think you need to be the one in control not the drug. And it’s not that I did not do my share of drugs (serious drugs) but I never stuck a needle in my arm, I never took downers like they were candy, and I never became an addict…I was able to walk away. I am just hoping my son is able to have the same strength when he needs it and does not end up like a lot of my friends (either dead or to this day addicted to some substance to help them cope with life).