Bleh
Trying to write - to actually finish up the last of the 'Carnivale Chronicles' but the room where my computer is housed has no air-conditioning - it's warm and humid, and I can't think right now.....
I might just curl up in my bedroom with a pad of paper (because this is actually how I DO compose/write stories)- I at least have air-conditioning in there....
As usual there's a lot going on in my head. I can't seem to get my thoughts to stop coming, spinning, weaving their very own spider-webs that catch me and tie my logic in knots.
I am feeling out of sorts about many things - mostly centered on relationships in my life. Just out of sorts. I am trying to think, trying to apply some semblance of order to the feelings that keep flooding in, filing them, sorting through them, seeing if they are even worth noticing.
Perhaps it's the onset of the 'dreams'; perhaps it's this blossoming relationship that has me a bit off-kilter. Perhaps I need some space and some time...I don't know - I've had SO much fucking time to myself for a couple of years now it isn't funny. Yet it feels weird to be feeling this close to another human being. Why is that?
No easy answers - for me - not ever - never has been, never will be...
I don't even feel 'connected' at times, I feel sort of like a boat adrift on the waters of my own hesitation and yet buoyed at the same time by the 'high' of the romance. It's so confusing - so very tentative and fragile (still) and I don't know if I am just projecting my own fragility or if I really should be a little 'frightened'/hesitant...
Bah! There's no solving this - ultimately what will be revealed will be revealed, hopefully I'll be paying close attention....
I might just curl up in my bedroom with a pad of paper (because this is actually how I DO compose/write stories)- I at least have air-conditioning in there....
As usual there's a lot going on in my head. I can't seem to get my thoughts to stop coming, spinning, weaving their very own spider-webs that catch me and tie my logic in knots.
I am feeling out of sorts about many things - mostly centered on relationships in my life. Just out of sorts. I am trying to think, trying to apply some semblance of order to the feelings that keep flooding in, filing them, sorting through them, seeing if they are even worth noticing.
Perhaps it's the onset of the 'dreams'; perhaps it's this blossoming relationship that has me a bit off-kilter. Perhaps I need some space and some time...I don't know - I've had SO much fucking time to myself for a couple of years now it isn't funny. Yet it feels weird to be feeling this close to another human being. Why is that?
No easy answers - for me - not ever - never has been, never will be...
I don't even feel 'connected' at times, I feel sort of like a boat adrift on the waters of my own hesitation and yet buoyed at the same time by the 'high' of the romance. It's so confusing - so very tentative and fragile (still) and I don't know if I am just projecting my own fragility or if I really should be a little 'frightened'/hesitant...
Bah! There's no solving this - ultimately what will be revealed will be revealed, hopefully I'll be paying close attention....
posted by Colette at 8:49 PM
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Perhaps you will wake to find that it is you that has been revealed unto yourself...
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