Reposts from September 2005
(Again just a little window into my 'space' last year that this time - I leave you with 2 different posts)
Summer Sings its Swan Song
It's the end of summer. I am sad to see it go - I was always a bit wistful when this time would come around, growing up as well...
I love the fall - with it's crisp days and cold night - but once again I face another dark season with no one to really keep me warm. Not sure what the universe is trying to tell me here.
I also enjoy winter - the solitude is good - but now it begins to fray me a bit around the edges and I feel more lonely. I wish I could just shake all of these feelings but I refuse to be put on drugs to ease melancholy because I feel it's part of life too. This is going to sound awful but I'd rather just kick the crap out of someone (cause yes the anger is here with me as well) - pretty nice coming from a woman claiming to be a pacifist, eh? But it's here and my level of being fed up is holding court currently - I mean with everything and everyone I encounter these days. I am just sick of all of the constant barrage of crap. Daily. It never seems to go away...from the political bullshit and morons in charge of this country, that I onced loved but now am thinking it's time to get out of here before it's too late; to the idiots I am forced to work with and serve; to the losers that are 'back in the saddle again' and trying to date at the same time I am....
I am not saying another human in my life as a love interest would ease this necessarily - but part of me thinks it might make it easier. Just to help take the edge off a little.
****************
'A Hard Rain's A Gonna Fall'
It's been a rough week in the way of losses.
My son turned 17 years old this week - he's losing his childhood and trading it in for manhood - this involves wins and losses - I am proud of him and I am glad to say I helped raise him.
One of the girls at work who was about 8 months pregnant - found out on Friday last that she had lost her baby. The baby just died inside of her - no one knows why. This girl is my daughter's age and for some reason finding out about her loss hit me real hard - I started crying...
On Monday evening (the same day as my son's birthday) we found out that our landlord's wife passed away. She had been ailing most of her life. She was a kind and quiet woman and the way she carried herself as she battled her various illnesses is something to be admired. Most of us would never have acted with such grace. Tonight I went to the funeral home to pay my respects. Seeing her in her casket so small and frail belied the strength I had seen in her - it saddened me - but her husband, my landlord - who is one hell of a guy - he stood by her through her illness (he married her knowing she had polio) - it was his attitude his calm in the face of this loss that touched me the most. Jane - wherever you are now - I hope your suffering's done.
And as I write this the sky has opened up and it's pouring down rain - a hard rain indeed. And so for all this loss - and all that's to come:
Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, where have you been, my darling young one?
I've stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains,
I've walked and I've crawled on six crooked highways,
I've stepped in the middle of seven sad forests,
I've been out in front of a dozen dead oceans,
I've been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard,
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard,
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.
Oh, what did you see, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what did you see, my darling young one?
I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it
I saw a highway of diamonds with nobody on it,
I saw a black branch with blood that kept drippin',
I saw a room full of men with their hammers a-bleedin',
I saw a white ladder all covered with water,
I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken,
I saw guns and sharp swords in the hands of young children,
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.
And what did you hear, my blue-eyed son?
And what did you hear, my darling young one?
I heard the sound of a thunder, it roared out a warnin',
Heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world,
Heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin',
Heard ten thousand whisperin' and nobody listenin',
Heard one person starve, I heard many people laughin',
Heard the song of a poet who died in the gutter,
Heard the sound of a clown who cried in the alley,
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.
Oh, who did you meet, my blue-eyed son?
Who did you meet, my darling young one?
I met a young child beside a dead pony,
I met a white man who walked a black dog,
I met a young woman whose body was burning,
I met a young girl, she gave me a rainbow,
I met one man who was wounded in love,
I met another man who was wounded with hatred,
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.
Oh, what'll you do now, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what'll you do now, my darling young one?
I'm a-goin' back out 'fore the rain starts a-fallin',
I'll walk to the depths of the deepest black forest,
Where the people are many and their hands are all empty,
Where the pellets of poison are flooding their waters,
Where the home in the valley meets the damp dirty prison,
Where the executioner's face is always well hidden,
Where hunger is ugly, where souls are forgotten,
Where black is the color, where none is the number,
And I'll tell it and think it and speak it and breathe it,
And reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it,
Then I'll stand on the ocean until I start sinkin',
But I'll know my song well before I start singin',
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.
A Hard Rain's A Gonna Fall - by Bob Dylan
Summer Sings its Swan Song
It's the end of summer. I am sad to see it go - I was always a bit wistful when this time would come around, growing up as well...
I love the fall - with it's crisp days and cold night - but once again I face another dark season with no one to really keep me warm. Not sure what the universe is trying to tell me here.
I also enjoy winter - the solitude is good - but now it begins to fray me a bit around the edges and I feel more lonely. I wish I could just shake all of these feelings but I refuse to be put on drugs to ease melancholy because I feel it's part of life too. This is going to sound awful but I'd rather just kick the crap out of someone (cause yes the anger is here with me as well) - pretty nice coming from a woman claiming to be a pacifist, eh? But it's here and my level of being fed up is holding court currently - I mean with everything and everyone I encounter these days. I am just sick of all of the constant barrage of crap. Daily. It never seems to go away...from the political bullshit and morons in charge of this country, that I onced loved but now am thinking it's time to get out of here before it's too late; to the idiots I am forced to work with and serve; to the losers that are 'back in the saddle again' and trying to date at the same time I am....
I am not saying another human in my life as a love interest would ease this necessarily - but part of me thinks it might make it easier. Just to help take the edge off a little.
****************
'A Hard Rain's A Gonna Fall'
It's been a rough week in the way of losses.
My son turned 17 years old this week - he's losing his childhood and trading it in for manhood - this involves wins and losses - I am proud of him and I am glad to say I helped raise him.
One of the girls at work who was about 8 months pregnant - found out on Friday last that she had lost her baby. The baby just died inside of her - no one knows why. This girl is my daughter's age and for some reason finding out about her loss hit me real hard - I started crying...
On Monday evening (the same day as my son's birthday) we found out that our landlord's wife passed away. She had been ailing most of her life. She was a kind and quiet woman and the way she carried herself as she battled her various illnesses is something to be admired. Most of us would never have acted with such grace. Tonight I went to the funeral home to pay my respects. Seeing her in her casket so small and frail belied the strength I had seen in her - it saddened me - but her husband, my landlord - who is one hell of a guy - he stood by her through her illness (he married her knowing she had polio) - it was his attitude his calm in the face of this loss that touched me the most. Jane - wherever you are now - I hope your suffering's done.
And as I write this the sky has opened up and it's pouring down rain - a hard rain indeed. And so for all this loss - and all that's to come:
Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, where have you been, my darling young one?
I've stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains,
I've walked and I've crawled on six crooked highways,
I've stepped in the middle of seven sad forests,
I've been out in front of a dozen dead oceans,
I've been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard,
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard,
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.
Oh, what did you see, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what did you see, my darling young one?
I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it
I saw a highway of diamonds with nobody on it,
I saw a black branch with blood that kept drippin',
I saw a room full of men with their hammers a-bleedin',
I saw a white ladder all covered with water,
I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken,
I saw guns and sharp swords in the hands of young children,
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.
And what did you hear, my blue-eyed son?
And what did you hear, my darling young one?
I heard the sound of a thunder, it roared out a warnin',
Heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world,
Heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin',
Heard ten thousand whisperin' and nobody listenin',
Heard one person starve, I heard many people laughin',
Heard the song of a poet who died in the gutter,
Heard the sound of a clown who cried in the alley,
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.
Oh, who did you meet, my blue-eyed son?
Who did you meet, my darling young one?
I met a young child beside a dead pony,
I met a white man who walked a black dog,
I met a young woman whose body was burning,
I met a young girl, she gave me a rainbow,
I met one man who was wounded in love,
I met another man who was wounded with hatred,
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.
Oh, what'll you do now, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what'll you do now, my darling young one?
I'm a-goin' back out 'fore the rain starts a-fallin',
I'll walk to the depths of the deepest black forest,
Where the people are many and their hands are all empty,
Where the pellets of poison are flooding their waters,
Where the home in the valley meets the damp dirty prison,
Where the executioner's face is always well hidden,
Where hunger is ugly, where souls are forgotten,
Where black is the color, where none is the number,
And I'll tell it and think it and speak it and breathe it,
And reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it,
Then I'll stand on the ocean until I start sinkin',
But I'll know my song well before I start singin',
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.
A Hard Rain's A Gonna Fall - by Bob Dylan
posted by Colette at 10:15 PM
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