DId I ask you?
No, I didn't think so....
It absolutely amazes me how people have advice about love/relationships/dating to offer you regardless of your asking for such ‘gems of wisdom’…
Do I sound peeved? A little – why? Cause I don’t give a flying fuck what you have to say usually – does that make me a bitch? Refer to the ‘Cause I don’t give a f**k’ statement – keep going there until you get it...
(I mean if I come to you ASKING for advice – YES I WANT it – but that’s different. I am trying to gain perspective when I ask advice – this time it wasn’t the case...)
I was talking to one of my old friends – yeah you know the type, they’re the ones that never seem to pick up the phone and call you...
So we are talking and I am trying to relate all that has happened in the past 4 months to her. In talking about how I’ve met the kids, I get to the part about how the guy I am dating has a good relationship with his ex (something for the record, that I admire). There’s this pause. Then she says: ‘You mean they talk all the time?’ I respond that they talk often times when he calls to talk to the kids when they are in her care. ‘Why???’ she says sounding incredulous. Irritated I tell her ‘Because they share parenting – because it’s good for the kids for them to get along’ (I being to wonder why I called her and wonder in turn why the fuck I am having to explain this). She then says: ‘Are you sure nothing is going on – that he does not still have feelings for her?’ I assure her things are OK and that he probably will always have feelings for her – she is the mother to his children – I remind her I still have feelings for the father of both my kids (including the dead guy – sorry kids had to go there). She gets kind of indignant: ‘Oh I could not do that – that’s ridiculous’. Now I am angry: ‘Why I say – because it’s always been done that way? Why? Because we can’t ever (as women) become more tolerant, loving or enlightened? We always have to play the catty/bitchy card? How about the kids? If I am going to be in his life I HAVE to get used to this woman – how’s it going to be for these kids if there’s animosity between her and I and bad feelings and jealousy????’
Silence – I can sense she is hurt...
WTF?????
I change the subject.
I am not saying that things are perfect. Perfect? Does that exist between humans? My eyes are wide open here – they way everyone SHOULD be in their relationships. Sure it can be a bit uncomfortable – but nothing worth having is seldom easy. But still the whole thing is so damned irritating – it’s like those people who haven’t had a baby come out of their womb in decades giving advice unwanted or not elicited by the current pregnant woman…and sure, some ‘old’ advice is wonderful – but we are living in different times now. Like the whole issue of dating. I can’t get the girl I work with to stop razzing me about dating not just a younger man but one with kids. ‘You said you’d NEVER date anyone younger or with kids’ she keeps chiding me –and, I keep wanting to knock her blonde bimbo head into a wall. That’s right I did say that – but then a couple of things happened after all the dating mishaps and finally just about giving up on finding someone altogether. I began to realise that a lot of guys my age AND older HAD kids. OK she wins on the younger thing – I DID NOT want to date a younger guy (thanks to my ex) – but then when I met Erin I did not realise either of those aspects about him (age & kids) and by the time I did – it did not matter, I was completely taken by him. I’ve met 60 years olds with less wisdom and aplomb. The kids thing – sure it’s a little frightening to be a possible influence in their lives but it’s also a joy and a wonder to behold them. I feel blessed. I am having fun. Remember fun? (I thought I had forgotten).
So the next time you think you are helping – unless you are EXTREMELY close to your friend or being asked BY your friend – perhaps you should shut the hell up.
It absolutely amazes me how people have advice about love/relationships/dating to offer you regardless of your asking for such ‘gems of wisdom’…
Do I sound peeved? A little – why? Cause I don’t give a flying fuck what you have to say usually – does that make me a bitch? Refer to the ‘Cause I don’t give a f**k’ statement – keep going there until you get it...
(I mean if I come to you ASKING for advice – YES I WANT it – but that’s different. I am trying to gain perspective when I ask advice – this time it wasn’t the case...)
I was talking to one of my old friends – yeah you know the type, they’re the ones that never seem to pick up the phone and call you...
So we are talking and I am trying to relate all that has happened in the past 4 months to her. In talking about how I’ve met the kids, I get to the part about how the guy I am dating has a good relationship with his ex (something for the record, that I admire). There’s this pause. Then she says: ‘You mean they talk all the time?’ I respond that they talk often times when he calls to talk to the kids when they are in her care. ‘Why???’ she says sounding incredulous. Irritated I tell her ‘Because they share parenting – because it’s good for the kids for them to get along’ (I being to wonder why I called her and wonder in turn why the fuck I am having to explain this). She then says: ‘Are you sure nothing is going on – that he does not still have feelings for her?’ I assure her things are OK and that he probably will always have feelings for her – she is the mother to his children – I remind her I still have feelings for the father of both my kids (including the dead guy – sorry kids had to go there). She gets kind of indignant: ‘Oh I could not do that – that’s ridiculous’. Now I am angry: ‘Why I say – because it’s always been done that way? Why? Because we can’t ever (as women) become more tolerant, loving or enlightened? We always have to play the catty/bitchy card? How about the kids? If I am going to be in his life I HAVE to get used to this woman – how’s it going to be for these kids if there’s animosity between her and I and bad feelings and jealousy????’
Silence – I can sense she is hurt...
WTF?????
I change the subject.
I am not saying that things are perfect. Perfect? Does that exist between humans? My eyes are wide open here – they way everyone SHOULD be in their relationships. Sure it can be a bit uncomfortable – but nothing worth having is seldom easy. But still the whole thing is so damned irritating – it’s like those people who haven’t had a baby come out of their womb in decades giving advice unwanted or not elicited by the current pregnant woman…and sure, some ‘old’ advice is wonderful – but we are living in different times now. Like the whole issue of dating. I can’t get the girl I work with to stop razzing me about dating not just a younger man but one with kids. ‘You said you’d NEVER date anyone younger or with kids’ she keeps chiding me –and, I keep wanting to knock her blonde bimbo head into a wall. That’s right I did say that – but then a couple of things happened after all the dating mishaps and finally just about giving up on finding someone altogether. I began to realise that a lot of guys my age AND older HAD kids. OK she wins on the younger thing – I DID NOT want to date a younger guy (thanks to my ex) – but then when I met Erin I did not realise either of those aspects about him (age & kids) and by the time I did – it did not matter, I was completely taken by him. I’ve met 60 years olds with less wisdom and aplomb. The kids thing – sure it’s a little frightening to be a possible influence in their lives but it’s also a joy and a wonder to behold them. I feel blessed. I am having fun. Remember fun? (I thought I had forgotten).
So the next time you think you are helping – unless you are EXTREMELY close to your friend or being asked BY your friend – perhaps you should shut the hell up.
posted by Colette at 1:58 PM
1 Comments:
je pense qu'elle projetait ses propre insécurités. personne n'est parfait.
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