Time...
..heals all wounds…
So goes the quote.
I have passed the ‘anniversary’ yet again of me finding out about my husband’s infidelity…shortly thereafter I began this ‘journal’ which will be 3 years old in November.
3 years.
The ‘divorce group’ I belong to sends out reminders of the anniversary of people’s ‘divorce-date’. Ouch. How odd to ‘congratulate’ someone on something so filled with sadness/anger, sometimes unresolved feelings. I am not sure I want to be reminded of that day. I remind myself anyhow - of the anger, the hurt, the tears, the shame of the failure. I don’t remember on THAT day – I remember around this time of year. Oh yeah, I got divorced the week of Thanksgiving…like an idiot I went into work after my court appearance that day.
Crying at work is no fun...
Time hasn’t healed me. *I’ve* healed *myself* with help from God/Goddess, my precious family, and friends - slowly. By this past summer, I was healed enough and had let go enough to be able to fully embrace love again. I think I may have fallen in love a couple of times BEFORE now (briefly), but nothing compares to the freedom I feel, or the contentment. Not listening to the fear, not letting it stop me from being with a wonderful person, that’s a victory.
Small victories win wars.
I don’t think I will ever forget what he did. What we ALL did (he, she, me) all the cast of bizarre characters involved. I am not sure I ever forgave him completely either – it just seemed all so heinous, so dastardly, so cowardly. There’s a hole somewhere in my heart and an ache – not for the past – but the promise of what could have been had things been different. I don’t live in/with regret – I am where I need to be now – I am enjoying this moment/all of these moments in my life. There will always be some lingering pain from those wounds – they cut deep – loss usually does. Loss of our loved ones no matter how we lose them is difficult – we are fools to think otherwise; yet there a peace to it in the end – an acceptance. Hindsight isn’t always 20/20 – sometimes the vision’s cloudy no matter how long you look at ‘the picture’ – sometimes it just never comes into focus – sometimes it’s just not meant to...(not that it’s soft around the edges, but if you are lucky the edges wear smooth – if you allow yourself to stop living there long enough to let go).
So goes the quote.
I have passed the ‘anniversary’ yet again of me finding out about my husband’s infidelity…shortly thereafter I began this ‘journal’ which will be 3 years old in November.
3 years.
The ‘divorce group’ I belong to sends out reminders of the anniversary of people’s ‘divorce-date’. Ouch. How odd to ‘congratulate’ someone on something so filled with sadness/anger, sometimes unresolved feelings. I am not sure I want to be reminded of that day. I remind myself anyhow - of the anger, the hurt, the tears, the shame of the failure. I don’t remember on THAT day – I remember around this time of year. Oh yeah, I got divorced the week of Thanksgiving…like an idiot I went into work after my court appearance that day.
Crying at work is no fun...
Time hasn’t healed me. *I’ve* healed *myself* with help from God/Goddess, my precious family, and friends - slowly. By this past summer, I was healed enough and had let go enough to be able to fully embrace love again. I think I may have fallen in love a couple of times BEFORE now (briefly), but nothing compares to the freedom I feel, or the contentment. Not listening to the fear, not letting it stop me from being with a wonderful person, that’s a victory.
Small victories win wars.
I don’t think I will ever forget what he did. What we ALL did (he, she, me) all the cast of bizarre characters involved. I am not sure I ever forgave him completely either – it just seemed all so heinous, so dastardly, so cowardly. There’s a hole somewhere in my heart and an ache – not for the past – but the promise of what could have been had things been different. I don’t live in/with regret – I am where I need to be now – I am enjoying this moment/all of these moments in my life. There will always be some lingering pain from those wounds – they cut deep – loss usually does. Loss of our loved ones no matter how we lose them is difficult – we are fools to think otherwise; yet there a peace to it in the end – an acceptance. Hindsight isn’t always 20/20 – sometimes the vision’s cloudy no matter how long you look at ‘the picture’ – sometimes it just never comes into focus – sometimes it’s just not meant to...(not that it’s soft around the edges, but if you are lucky the edges wear smooth – if you allow yourself to stop living there long enough to let go).
posted by Colette at 10:20 AM
3 Comments:
depuis je suis célibataire et très naif, je ne comprends pas pourquoi le divorce éxiste. j'ai besoin de croire qu'il y avait un temps dans le passé lointain quand tu et ton mari étaient bien en amoureuse .. et puis quelque chose a changé ...
We don't 'congratulate' you for getting divorced. We congratulate you for going forward and hopefully doing what you need to.
Erin,
It's still seems a strange thing to say to people in the 'context' of the group...heck for that matter in context of divorce.
I am not sure how I would have reacted had someone congratulated me the day of my divorce - yes my life had been miserable - but congratulaitons?? It just seems a bit off...
Max,
You are not that naive. Yes most people fall in love and mean to stay together and yes things change. Most of us are very hurt by divore when it happens. It's never a 'good or easy' thing but sometimes it is necessary. Had this been my mother's generations, I would have been told to just put up with the misery. To me that is an unacceptable way to live. That does not mean though that I wuold not have worked harder to save my marriage had that been an option - but it takes two people to be in a marriage. Unfortunately that seems to be why a lot of people ultimately give up...
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