Parenting...even when they're grown...
'Life goes on...long after the thrill of living is gone...'
May this famous ‘curse’ from the John Mellancamp song never visit you.
‘May you live in uninteresting times…..’
I had always hoped my joie de vivre would last throughout my life. Despite a lot of what’s happened with me – I have managed to keep my ‘zest’ my passion alive.
Unfortunately, what happens is that we have children. When our children suffer we suffer (well at least *I* do). There have been something(s) happening with my kids. My son is struggling with who he wants to be when he grows up. He is hanging out with kids that seem to be ‘lost’/without direction. We (his dad and I) have put our foot down about him starting school in January.
He’s been living like a grown up though without any of the responsibilities. He comes and goes as he pleases…sometimes not coming home at night – at these times he does not call me to let me know he is OK. I get no help from him, no cleaning; trying to get him to do ANYTHING is like pulling teeth (MINE!). He does not pay rent. I don’t like using the ‘back in the day’ crap with him however, when I was HIS age I had left home and I had MY OWN apartment. I lived hand-to-mouth. Sometimes I didn’t eat. NO ONE helped me. I made it on my own….when I DO mention these things he of course could care less. I am beginning to get tired of this scenario – yes he is my son, yes I love him – but when do you ‘push them out of the nest’? I think he should go to school elsewhere but he insists on staying ‘here’. I am willing to pay for his schooling but in return, I expect him to live by the ‘rules’ of the house. His dad expects the same from him but often times it’s a passive-aggressive situation between the two of them with no consistency – there is back up for me – but often times I am left feeling like the ‘bad guy’ or like I just ‘don’t get it’…I hate that.
My daughter is yet another country heard from. She is married to a young man who seems to be a religious zealot and who believes every word of the bible literally. He uses the bible to get her to ‘please him’, to stay pregnant (constantly) to the detriment of her health – by January of 2007 they will have 4 children UNDER 4 years old!; to isolate her, to not be a partner. Her cousin has related several ‘incidents’ of very subtle ‘abuse’. Waking her up (even though she is pregnant and has to deal with the 3 little ones ALONE most of the time), not letting her talk to her cousin at times on the phone. Now, perhaps I am over-reacting to these ‘rumours’. Perhaps I am re-living some of the abusive situations in my own life…reliving the fear.
She ‘confesses’ these ‘incidents’ to her cousin and it’s hard for me to ‘confront’ her without betraying the confidence. All I can do is what I already do by asking her if she is OK – by letting her know I am here to talk and by praying (yes to possibly the same God – but in this case I pray to the Goddess/Great Mother) to protect her and keep her from harm. Today, for the first time in I can’t tell you when I actually contemplated some ‘spell work’ – so if any of you sisters/brothers out there know of a good protection spell to use – other than the norm – or have some ideas as to what’s worked in the past for you/your loved ones – let me know – it’s appreciated.
May you never know fear for your children….but then who am I kidding.
Bright blessings to you all.
May this famous ‘curse’ from the John Mellancamp song never visit you.
‘May you live in uninteresting times…..’
I had always hoped my joie de vivre would last throughout my life. Despite a lot of what’s happened with me – I have managed to keep my ‘zest’ my passion alive.
Unfortunately, what happens is that we have children. When our children suffer we suffer (well at least *I* do). There have been something(s) happening with my kids. My son is struggling with who he wants to be when he grows up. He is hanging out with kids that seem to be ‘lost’/without direction. We (his dad and I) have put our foot down about him starting school in January.
He’s been living like a grown up though without any of the responsibilities. He comes and goes as he pleases…sometimes not coming home at night – at these times he does not call me to let me know he is OK. I get no help from him, no cleaning; trying to get him to do ANYTHING is like pulling teeth (MINE!). He does not pay rent. I don’t like using the ‘back in the day’ crap with him however, when I was HIS age I had left home and I had MY OWN apartment. I lived hand-to-mouth. Sometimes I didn’t eat. NO ONE helped me. I made it on my own….when I DO mention these things he of course could care less. I am beginning to get tired of this scenario – yes he is my son, yes I love him – but when do you ‘push them out of the nest’? I think he should go to school elsewhere but he insists on staying ‘here’. I am willing to pay for his schooling but in return, I expect him to live by the ‘rules’ of the house. His dad expects the same from him but often times it’s a passive-aggressive situation between the two of them with no consistency – there is back up for me – but often times I am left feeling like the ‘bad guy’ or like I just ‘don’t get it’…I hate that.
My daughter is yet another country heard from. She is married to a young man who seems to be a religious zealot and who believes every word of the bible literally. He uses the bible to get her to ‘please him’, to stay pregnant (constantly) to the detriment of her health – by January of 2007 they will have 4 children UNDER 4 years old!; to isolate her, to not be a partner. Her cousin has related several ‘incidents’ of very subtle ‘abuse’. Waking her up (even though she is pregnant and has to deal with the 3 little ones ALONE most of the time), not letting her talk to her cousin at times on the phone. Now, perhaps I am over-reacting to these ‘rumours’. Perhaps I am re-living some of the abusive situations in my own life…reliving the fear.
She ‘confesses’ these ‘incidents’ to her cousin and it’s hard for me to ‘confront’ her without betraying the confidence. All I can do is what I already do by asking her if she is OK – by letting her know I am here to talk and by praying (yes to possibly the same God – but in this case I pray to the Goddess/Great Mother) to protect her and keep her from harm. Today, for the first time in I can’t tell you when I actually contemplated some ‘spell work’ – so if any of you sisters/brothers out there know of a good protection spell to use – other than the norm – or have some ideas as to what’s worked in the past for you/your loved ones – let me know – it’s appreciated.
May you never know fear for your children….but then who am I kidding.
Bright blessings to you all.
posted by Colette at 2:34 PM
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