Passive agressive behaviours...
…drive me insane.
This all involves my ex. I have, since the break up of our marriage, been livid (well duh you guys can all read), been put through the ringer, tired throwing myself into the ‘Dating Game’, given up and then subsequently met and fallen in love with one of the most wonderful men in all Christendom (LOL – sorry inside joke there)...
During the time of our break up I was directing a lot of venom and hatred towards my ex. There was a love/hate relationship thing going on because I was the dumped not the dumper. But I managed to get passed that. As time went on every now and then we’d talk – get together – I’d help him with things. He always talked about wanting to get together with me – I always played that down. I did not lead him on – I did not make him believe there was hope – except that perhaps BY getting together with him to help take him to get his laundry done or maybe his grocery shopping (he does not have a car) – I did somehow (in his mind) lead him on. For that I am truly sorry. As my one good friend put it – with guys if they think there’s a chance they are going to latch onto that for all it’s worth – I do not know for certain this is a ‘gender-based issue’.
When I began to date Erin – I kept that from my ex – but I was pretty firm in not wanting to see him and I was very clear about me dating someone. As I fell in love, he found out who I was dating and had a conniption and started getting more frantic about wanting to see me. I told him over and over that I did not wish to see him, that I did not think we could be friends, that he did not respect my feelings about wanting to move on with my life (and my love). He seemed to calm down. Every now and then I would get phone calls – I’d try to be polite but distant at the same time. He’d ask to see me – I’d say no. He’d call me at work and I’d try to hurry him off the phone – he works at another facility that’s connected to my institution. Recently he’s been in one of his more depressed stages and he’s tried calling more. The other day he left me a msg on my voice mail at work – it came in at 10PM at night – telling me he missed me and he wanted to see me and wanted to ‘talk’ to me – he sounded desperate, near tears. That for some reason was it for me – it was the proverbial straw upon the camel’s over-laden back…I snapped. I told him off over the phone AND I wrote to him to tell him enough was enough. That he obviously does not understand that I don’t need the emotional blackmail, that we could not be friends because he could not respect me or listen to me telling him I did not wish to ‘see him’ anymore because he could not or would not stop trying to create a scenario that had us ‘getting back together’ – you know I don’t know what I expected or why I was being so stupid about being kind – after all he could not even bring himself to tell his own parents that we had gotten divorced – but then he could not manage to tell the strumpet he was with about him having a wife either – go figure.
All the while, Erin has offered to help – by answering my cell phone when the ex would call me. Recently (I think we were past 3 months of dating), Erin actually made some comment about it having been that long and the next time the ex called, he WAS going to answer – Erin was irritated, I was beside myself, my ex was being a fuck tard (I mean give it up man!). Well Saturday it happened; I had told Erin about the ex calling me and leaving the msg at work – I had told Erin about how I was at my wits end and wanted to not even deal with this anymore. While we were in Home Depot, he called and I handed the phone to Erin. He handled himself beautifully. He was nice but had an edge and was very clear. He told my ex to stop harassing me. My ex said something to the affect hat I was always thinking that people were ‘harassing me’ (um yeah OK). I did not get another phone call this weekend - at least not on my cell.
I came into work today to 2 msgs from my ex – he was livid about Erin answering my phone – in the msg he kept saying ‘We NEED to discuss this like adults. We NEED to talk – you know I am not harassing you – now this makes sense in terms of your past relationships’...
WTF?????????? He called again while I was at my desk – I did not pick up and I won’t - I wrote to him one last time and told him to leave me alone (for the last time)...I am praying he will finally stopand I am done being ‘nice’.
This all involves my ex. I have, since the break up of our marriage, been livid (well duh you guys can all read), been put through the ringer, tired throwing myself into the ‘Dating Game’, given up and then subsequently met and fallen in love with one of the most wonderful men in all Christendom (LOL – sorry inside joke there)...
During the time of our break up I was directing a lot of venom and hatred towards my ex. There was a love/hate relationship thing going on because I was the dumped not the dumper. But I managed to get passed that. As time went on every now and then we’d talk – get together – I’d help him with things. He always talked about wanting to get together with me – I always played that down. I did not lead him on – I did not make him believe there was hope – except that perhaps BY getting together with him to help take him to get his laundry done or maybe his grocery shopping (he does not have a car) – I did somehow (in his mind) lead him on. For that I am truly sorry. As my one good friend put it – with guys if they think there’s a chance they are going to latch onto that for all it’s worth – I do not know for certain this is a ‘gender-based issue’.
When I began to date Erin – I kept that from my ex – but I was pretty firm in not wanting to see him and I was very clear about me dating someone. As I fell in love, he found out who I was dating and had a conniption and started getting more frantic about wanting to see me. I told him over and over that I did not wish to see him, that I did not think we could be friends, that he did not respect my feelings about wanting to move on with my life (and my love). He seemed to calm down. Every now and then I would get phone calls – I’d try to be polite but distant at the same time. He’d ask to see me – I’d say no. He’d call me at work and I’d try to hurry him off the phone – he works at another facility that’s connected to my institution. Recently he’s been in one of his more depressed stages and he’s tried calling more. The other day he left me a msg on my voice mail at work – it came in at 10PM at night – telling me he missed me and he wanted to see me and wanted to ‘talk’ to me – he sounded desperate, near tears. That for some reason was it for me – it was the proverbial straw upon the camel’s over-laden back…I snapped. I told him off over the phone AND I wrote to him to tell him enough was enough. That he obviously does not understand that I don’t need the emotional blackmail, that we could not be friends because he could not respect me or listen to me telling him I did not wish to ‘see him’ anymore because he could not or would not stop trying to create a scenario that had us ‘getting back together’ – you know I don’t know what I expected or why I was being so stupid about being kind – after all he could not even bring himself to tell his own parents that we had gotten divorced – but then he could not manage to tell the strumpet he was with about him having a wife either – go figure.
All the while, Erin has offered to help – by answering my cell phone when the ex would call me. Recently (I think we were past 3 months of dating), Erin actually made some comment about it having been that long and the next time the ex called, he WAS going to answer – Erin was irritated, I was beside myself, my ex was being a fuck tard (I mean give it up man!). Well Saturday it happened; I had told Erin about the ex calling me and leaving the msg at work – I had told Erin about how I was at my wits end and wanted to not even deal with this anymore. While we were in Home Depot, he called and I handed the phone to Erin. He handled himself beautifully. He was nice but had an edge and was very clear. He told my ex to stop harassing me. My ex said something to the affect hat I was always thinking that people were ‘harassing me’ (um yeah OK). I did not get another phone call this weekend - at least not on my cell.
I came into work today to 2 msgs from my ex – he was livid about Erin answering my phone – in the msg he kept saying ‘We NEED to discuss this like adults. We NEED to talk – you know I am not harassing you – now this makes sense in terms of your past relationships’...
WTF?????????? He called again while I was at my desk – I did not pick up and I won’t - I wrote to him one last time and told him to leave me alone (for the last time)...I am praying he will finally stopand I am done being ‘nice’.
posted by Colette at 3:36 PM
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