History WILL teach us nothing...
...because it seems time after time we do not learn the lessons needed.
I LOVE talking to Erin. I don't know what happens to us - we can just talk for hours.
The subject of becoming more permanent comes up from time to time - I am not going to use the 'M' word and jinx anything - I am so weird (and so frightened).
I think that after having some failed marriages behind me, I (and anyone else who falls into that category) should be put through shock therapy for even considering that prospect again.
Sad isn't it?
And it's not the idea of love or being with someone for the rest of my life that worries me - it's what seems to happen to couples AFTER they take those vows. The bottom seems to fall out.
I have fear. Real. Palpable. Fear. It's scary people. I have a lot of stuff that gives me pause - rightly so if you want to base your life on the past. I do not. Yet, try as I might, the past haunts me like a ghost and as I said to Erin - ghost win hands down every time (this is out of context but it applies here too). Now I also get feelings and premonitions. My premonitions are hardly ever wrong - if you ask people I've read Tarot for they can tell you that I have a gift. Well, one of my gifts is that I SEE things. I see the past (when I don't know you) - I can see future event with a clarity that is amazing. Unfortunately it's often not until after the event happens that I realise I was given a glimpse into the event. It sucks having it happen that way. Now, sometimes I do get the 'message/vision' beforehand. I am often at a loss though ('what if I am wrong?' comes into my mind alot)- like dreaming about my mom dying, dreaming about my husband cheating on me. Although I don't know that I would have been able to do anything about those situations, regardless.
So when I have my fears packaged up for me in a not-so-pretty dreamscape, and shoved down my psychic throat I am left bereft, walking around with this 'knowing' like a lodestone around my heart and mind. Sucks. Seriously sucks.
What to do?
A friend said to me - and many people say to me - people are going to do what they are going to do - we have no control over what others do - only our reaction to *their* actions. I don't want to live in reactionary mode. Part of the fear manifests in the idea that: 'fine, I will just get out of here BEFORE they have a chance to do damage to me' - which is then interpreted as me running away (and may very well be accurate). I don't wish to run away - but I don't wish to be hurt yet again either. The only barometer we have to measure future behaviours is by past actions. So if you have someone who has had a rough time in a relationship and it seems that they keep making the same mistakes over and over again - do you embrace that? Do you set yourself up to be the next domino? I am talking about both parties - I don't think there is a person out there who does not have baggage in the form of love-gone-wrong unless they are really young, or have never been married or in a long-term relationship. We've all had our hearts broken. What is it that makes us want to get up on the horse and ride off into the sunset yet again? History teaches us nothing. We are creatures of habit. We want love - we crave belonging, companionship. I suppose the best 'ideal' is the Buddhist perspective of that person being a gift to you in that moment and you just enjoy that moment for what it is. Many of us though want to plan our lives, our futures, and we want to base those futures on the relationship at hand. To me I guess the best indicator for what's going to happen is how are things going. Do you get along with that person? Do you have fun together? Do you respect each other? Is the love/sex good and do you feel comfortable making your needs known without WWIII starting? Can you give each other help (yes sometimes in the form of guidance or criticism) and NOT let it taint your love?
My take on love has always been somewhat more liberating - yet I find myself not being that way. I believe it's hard to love just one person (and remain faithful), that we have no right to dictate who someone else can and can't love. Yet most of us don't want our main squeeze/significant other to be in love with anyone but us - it's a double-edged sword. The old 'If you love something set it free...' (wouldn't you just like to ring that person's neck for saying that?) comes to mind. But how hard is it to NOT want to keep someone to yourself? In the end all you can do is make your feelings known, know what your limits are and stick to them - for you have no one to blame but yourself if you see patterns starting to form and you don't either say something, or put your foot down, or leave the situation altogether if that is what's warranted. But it seems history does not teach us that - I know a lot of us (me included) want to learn from our pasts, want to not keep making the same choices over and over again that lead to the same outcomes (per Mr. C (paraphrasing a bit): "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome") - yet we continue to meet, fall in love, and then suffer. Bleak isn't it?
I know this much. This man I am currently 'in love' with is different than any other lover I've had. We seem to be 'different' with each other. We enjoy the moments we share and I've been told that life is composed of moment after moment strung together one after another. So maybe my 'history' will change somehow. Maybe just maybe this is the start of something lasting, momentous and beautiful.
I LOVE talking to Erin. I don't know what happens to us - we can just talk for hours.
The subject of becoming more permanent comes up from time to time - I am not going to use the 'M' word and jinx anything - I am so weird (and so frightened).
I think that after having some failed marriages behind me, I (and anyone else who falls into that category) should be put through shock therapy for even considering that prospect again.
Sad isn't it?
And it's not the idea of love or being with someone for the rest of my life that worries me - it's what seems to happen to couples AFTER they take those vows. The bottom seems to fall out.
I have fear. Real. Palpable. Fear. It's scary people. I have a lot of stuff that gives me pause - rightly so if you want to base your life on the past. I do not. Yet, try as I might, the past haunts me like a ghost and as I said to Erin - ghost win hands down every time (this is out of context but it applies here too). Now I also get feelings and premonitions. My premonitions are hardly ever wrong - if you ask people I've read Tarot for they can tell you that I have a gift. Well, one of my gifts is that I SEE things. I see the past (when I don't know you) - I can see future event with a clarity that is amazing. Unfortunately it's often not until after the event happens that I realise I was given a glimpse into the event. It sucks having it happen that way. Now, sometimes I do get the 'message/vision' beforehand. I am often at a loss though ('what if I am wrong?' comes into my mind alot)- like dreaming about my mom dying, dreaming about my husband cheating on me. Although I don't know that I would have been able to do anything about those situations, regardless.
So when I have my fears packaged up for me in a not-so-pretty dreamscape, and shoved down my psychic throat I am left bereft, walking around with this 'knowing' like a lodestone around my heart and mind. Sucks. Seriously sucks.
What to do?
A friend said to me - and many people say to me - people are going to do what they are going to do - we have no control over what others do - only our reaction to *their* actions. I don't want to live in reactionary mode. Part of the fear manifests in the idea that: 'fine, I will just get out of here BEFORE they have a chance to do damage to me' - which is then interpreted as me running away (and may very well be accurate). I don't wish to run away - but I don't wish to be hurt yet again either. The only barometer we have to measure future behaviours is by past actions. So if you have someone who has had a rough time in a relationship and it seems that they keep making the same mistakes over and over again - do you embrace that? Do you set yourself up to be the next domino? I am talking about both parties - I don't think there is a person out there who does not have baggage in the form of love-gone-wrong unless they are really young, or have never been married or in a long-term relationship. We've all had our hearts broken. What is it that makes us want to get up on the horse and ride off into the sunset yet again? History teaches us nothing. We are creatures of habit. We want love - we crave belonging, companionship. I suppose the best 'ideal' is the Buddhist perspective of that person being a gift to you in that moment and you just enjoy that moment for what it is. Many of us though want to plan our lives, our futures, and we want to base those futures on the relationship at hand. To me I guess the best indicator for what's going to happen is how are things going. Do you get along with that person? Do you have fun together? Do you respect each other? Is the love/sex good and do you feel comfortable making your needs known without WWIII starting? Can you give each other help (yes sometimes in the form of guidance or criticism) and NOT let it taint your love?
My take on love has always been somewhat more liberating - yet I find myself not being that way. I believe it's hard to love just one person (and remain faithful), that we have no right to dictate who someone else can and can't love. Yet most of us don't want our main squeeze/significant other to be in love with anyone but us - it's a double-edged sword. The old 'If you love something set it free...' (wouldn't you just like to ring that person's neck for saying that?) comes to mind. But how hard is it to NOT want to keep someone to yourself? In the end all you can do is make your feelings known, know what your limits are and stick to them - for you have no one to blame but yourself if you see patterns starting to form and you don't either say something, or put your foot down, or leave the situation altogether if that is what's warranted. But it seems history does not teach us that - I know a lot of us (me included) want to learn from our pasts, want to not keep making the same choices over and over again that lead to the same outcomes (per Mr. C (paraphrasing a bit): "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome") - yet we continue to meet, fall in love, and then suffer. Bleak isn't it?
I know this much. This man I am currently 'in love' with is different than any other lover I've had. We seem to be 'different' with each other. We enjoy the moments we share and I've been told that life is composed of moment after moment strung together one after another. So maybe my 'history' will change somehow. Maybe just maybe this is the start of something lasting, momentous and beautiful.
posted by Colette at 8:41 AM
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