...but wait, there's more!
(Just one more - more lamenting about the 'perils' of dating (a la 2006), in the post-modern age of romanticide - for now, hopefully, (if I am really lucky for good) - this kind of thing is behind me.)
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More dreck
Something I saw recently about a dating site that a lot of people out there 'on the hunt' as it were - swear by: E-Harmony - has really been bothering me....
It talks about 'soul-mates' - as in 'everyone is suppose to have one' and your life must not be complete if you don't...'(no kids I am not saying that E-harmony has gone and said that) - however I feel that by even using that 'turn of phrase' it puts a certain 'spin' on the world of on-line dating...
It just seems to me that if you are trying to find your supposed 'soul mate' it puts a lot more pressure on you and the other party too! It dawns on me that people really believe in this elusive ideal and that they then put all of their dating eggs in the 'soul mate' basket and then they can't figure out why it's not working. Or they use it as an excuse to dump their wife, boyfriend ("he just wasn't my soul mate")...
RUBBISH!!!
It's absolute rubbish! My Yoga teacher used to tell us there is no such thing as a 'soul mate' - and while I don't consider him the 'end-all/be-all/last word' on such things I do think that he hit on something really important. That we tell ourselves such things to use as excuses when our relationships fail us and we don't ever look in the mirror we just bemoan how our significant other just doesn't 'get us'...
It's all crap - it really is...
I was in the salon the other night reading one of those horrid womens magazine (you girls all know the ones: Cosmo, Glamour, Vogue) - that seem to already bear (in my estimation) a lot of the blame for continuing to propagate society's view that we all need to be younger, thinner, more beautiful...
Well there was actually an article in one of those magazines entitled: 'Is 5 years the new forever?' and it was a great piece about how a lot of people out there are convinced that marriage/relationships have become something of a 'do over' thing - something that if it doesn't work out you can always toss it aside and 'get yourself a new one' - we've become the kings and queens of the disposable life style. I applaud whomever wrote this article and had the guts to say that. I find this view to be an epidemic in this country and it's not just about our views towards marriage and relationships - it's about our views towards just about everything. The 'they'll-make-more' or 'I'll-just-replace-it-with-new' kind of mentality. The hell with 'working on things' the hell with refurbishing or recycling - tear it down and build a new one.
I was recently relaying to some of the girls at work how I was talking to my yoga students about re-using things (I often will share what I read in one of my Yoga Journals with my students as a sort of a 'thought for the day/week) - this particular 'thought' was something that I was reading about a young mother and her journey in preparing for the birth of her baby - she came across a statistic that just astounded me - it was this: 'An American family raising 2 children uses as much in resources as an Ethiopian family raising 1,000 children' (1,000 children!!!! - that's astounding) - so this person went on to say that she was going to tell everyone in their fmaly that they were not going to register for gifts - that they wanted to get hand-me-downs or they were going to go to re-sale shops vs. getting everything brand new - it was a great article from last month's Yoga International - I was floored when one of the girls I relayed this to was horrified by the idea that her kids would get a used rocker, or crib, or stroller....can someone please tell me what's so horrible about re-using our resources when we can?
No one seems to treasure things anymore (including each other)...I find this sad and appalling. But I can't say I am really all that surprised by it...
Last night I went to a really nice party for one of my friends - 'British Brian' (LOL Happy Birthday you loveable limey - we should almost add a little 'TM' sign after your name) - and I was telling myself that I am not going to do this stupid 'Internet' thing anymore that I am going to go out more and 'meet others' and find a date the 'old-fashioned' way - I didn't of course - I ended up hanging with the same old crowd I always did (but they are still glorious people) - but what I found amazing was the kind of 'feel' I got from the crowd (there had to be like over 200 people there and it was a private party - it rocked by the way)- it was like how I imagine it is in the club scene these days. Scores of young women all dressed in the latest sexy trendy clothes and scores of young men - except they weren't all that young anymore and there seemed to be I don't know this 'feeling' that people just seem lost when it comes to this mating ritual....and perhaps it's my own bleak projection - I mean people were really having (or so it seemed) a good time - but on some level I just can't help but wonder - do we really even know how to connect with one another anymore? On deeper levels? And even if we did - would we just grow tired of it after the spark had 'died down' or the chemistry had somehow shifted and just dispose of *that* person in search of that perfect 'soul mate'?
I am not surprising anyone by saying that relationships take a lot of work (at least I hope I'm not) - but I do wonder about the state of our unions when it comes to this stuff and I of course wonder about putting myself back out into the world in search of someone to be with and share my life with - I mean I don't want to become part of the problem - I want to be free of the whole pretense - I am just hoping I can find someone who is tired of it too and wants the 'real thing' complete with boredom, puffy-eyed-not-so-glamorous-looking mornings, sharing the housework and the daily problems, and all that life actually has to offer.
It talks about 'soul-mates' - as in 'everyone is suppose to have one' and your life must not be complete if you don't...'(no kids I am not saying that E-harmony has gone and said that) - however I feel that by even using that 'turn of phrase' it puts a certain 'spin' on the world of on-line dating...
It just seems to me that if you are trying to find your supposed 'soul mate' it puts a lot more pressure on you and the other party too! It dawns on me that people really believe in this elusive ideal and that they then put all of their dating eggs in the 'soul mate' basket and then they can't figure out why it's not working. Or they use it as an excuse to dump their wife, boyfriend ("he just wasn't my soul mate")...
RUBBISH!!!
It's absolute rubbish! My Yoga teacher used to tell us there is no such thing as a 'soul mate' - and while I don't consider him the 'end-all/be-all/last word' on such things I do think that he hit on something really important. That we tell ourselves such things to use as excuses when our relationships fail us and we don't ever look in the mirror we just bemoan how our significant other just doesn't 'get us'...
It's all crap - it really is...
I was in the salon the other night reading one of those horrid womens magazine (you girls all know the ones: Cosmo, Glamour, Vogue) - that seem to already bear (in my estimation) a lot of the blame for continuing to propagate society's view that we all need to be younger, thinner, more beautiful...
Well there was actually an article in one of those magazines entitled: 'Is 5 years the new forever?' and it was a great piece about how a lot of people out there are convinced that marriage/relationships have become something of a 'do over' thing - something that if it doesn't work out you can always toss it aside and 'get yourself a new one' - we've become the kings and queens of the disposable life style. I applaud whomever wrote this article and had the guts to say that. I find this view to be an epidemic in this country and it's not just about our views towards marriage and relationships - it's about our views towards just about everything. The 'they'll-make-more' or 'I'll-just-replace-it-with-new' kind of mentality. The hell with 'working on things' the hell with refurbishing or recycling - tear it down and build a new one.
I was recently relaying to some of the girls at work how I was talking to my yoga students about re-using things (I often will share what I read in one of my Yoga Journals with my students as a sort of a 'thought for the day/week) - this particular 'thought' was something that I was reading about a young mother and her journey in preparing for the birth of her baby - she came across a statistic that just astounded me - it was this: 'An American family raising 2 children uses as much in resources as an Ethiopian family raising 1,000 children' (1,000 children!!!! - that's astounding) - so this person went on to say that she was going to tell everyone in their fmaly that they were not going to register for gifts - that they wanted to get hand-me-downs or they were going to go to re-sale shops vs. getting everything brand new - it was a great article from last month's Yoga International - I was floored when one of the girls I relayed this to was horrified by the idea that her kids would get a used rocker, or crib, or stroller....can someone please tell me what's so horrible about re-using our resources when we can?
No one seems to treasure things anymore (including each other)...I find this sad and appalling. But I can't say I am really all that surprised by it...
Last night I went to a really nice party for one of my friends - 'British Brian' (LOL Happy Birthday you loveable limey - we should almost add a little 'TM' sign after your name) - and I was telling myself that I am not going to do this stupid 'Internet' thing anymore that I am going to go out more and 'meet others' and find a date the 'old-fashioned' way - I didn't of course - I ended up hanging with the same old crowd I always did (but they are still glorious people) - but what I found amazing was the kind of 'feel' I got from the crowd (there had to be like over 200 people there and it was a private party - it rocked by the way)- it was like how I imagine it is in the club scene these days. Scores of young women all dressed in the latest sexy trendy clothes and scores of young men - except they weren't all that young anymore and there seemed to be I don't know this 'feeling' that people just seem lost when it comes to this mating ritual....and perhaps it's my own bleak projection - I mean people were really having (or so it seemed) a good time - but on some level I just can't help but wonder - do we really even know how to connect with one another anymore? On deeper levels? And even if we did - would we just grow tired of it after the spark had 'died down' or the chemistry had somehow shifted and just dispose of *that* person in search of that perfect 'soul mate'?
I am not surprising anyone by saying that relationships take a lot of work (at least I hope I'm not) - but I do wonder about the state of our unions when it comes to this stuff and I of course wonder about putting myself back out into the world in search of someone to be with and share my life with - I mean I don't want to become part of the problem - I want to be free of the whole pretense - I am just hoping I can find someone who is tired of it too and wants the 'real thing' complete with boredom, puffy-eyed-not-so-glamorous-looking mornings, sharing the housework and the daily problems, and all that life actually has to offer.
1 Comments:
Personally, I believe in soul-mates, however, I do believe that it is rare for them to be incarnated at the same time. We need to pay attention more to the kindred-spirit.
Re-sale shops, Salvation army, rummage sales...all among my favorite places to shop.
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