"This is the springtime of my loving...

"...you are the sunlight in my growing..."

It is the month of March…my ‘birth’ month.

It is the end of my winter of discontent – however this winter was much more joyful than last year's.

Every year at this time, I get into a certain ‘mind-set’ – I begin to mentally clean house.

I get out the Celtic music to help me get into the mood for sping. I call this mood my Pennsylvania mood – because St. Patrick’s day always reminds me of my Celtic ancestry and from there I go to reminiscing about my father’s side of the family and all my Irish aunt, uncles and cousins...

This is a time where I also try to become more physically active – for I can smell ‘spring’ on the air and I usually have a bad case of cabin fever by now.

Lately, I’ve grown weary of humanity in general – I know it sounds bad and please know I love all of you out there collectively – my friends and my family – for you have all provided me with friendship and support, laughter and love; wonderful memories, and for that I thank you.

But adding to my discontent has been the actions of some I have in my life, whether by happenstance, or circumstance – and it colours my mood. Some of them I have tried to extricate myself from as in the case of my ex – others linger for whatever reason – and perhaps it is a sign that I need to acquire a better sense of patience and/or indifference as the case may be.

I also mourn in some ways the passing of the whirlwind romance that overtook me during the late summer and fall months. Yes I am still madly in love – but there is a sense of passing, of movement into a new phase – better in some ways because it’s more solid and sure in its footing – yet sad because we ‘know’ each other now and perhaps the little romantic things that were so thrilling were only so because of the newness of the situation. Trying to keep those fires stoked becomes a task. A task in which I am happy to participate – but as both of our lives move back to the normal day-to-day-rat-race – other things seem to take precedence and impressing each other and putting our best foot forward is not as crucial as it once was. Sweet nothings lessen, as the reality of life comes-a-calling. So there is a bit of wistfulness and longing...

There is also excitement with planning – such as a wedding – but it also can make me a bit nervous – as I try to think about what I need to do and how I am going to afford things…

Then there’s the feeling of being at home but not at home – in two different places. When I am at my current place of residence, I miss my love and feel like I should be with him – and it adds to my sense of impatience for our lives to begin together as man and wife. When I am at his place I wonder if I am neglecting things ‘at home’ – I try not to – things are pretty self-sufficient but still...

Over all though there is a hum of excitement as my life moves like the blood coursing through my veins. I try to savour each moment as much as possible but it quickly recedes and there is no way to really ‘hold on’ – just like the loss of the first flush of this romance, the moment passes and is gone forever. I know I have much to look forward to in the coming days, months and years and I take comfort in that.

Erin and I recently planted flowers, herbs, and veggies for the coming spring – my hope is for the plants to thrive the way I want to see our love and lives thrive, together - making way for the harvest and a new season - endless cycles of planting and the reward of the fruits of our efforts.