Forever....
I am forever holding ‘court’ in my own mind – I am probably insane (shut the hell up – no comments from the peanut gallery here….).
I am trying not to ‘overthink’ things, trying to calm myself – to tell myself that everything will be OK….
There are utterances/thoughts my love expresses to me that cause me concern about whether or not he is going to be happy being married to me. I’d like to be on the same page as him but not to the point of ‘not being me’. So when he ‘says’ certain things and my ‘normal’ answer would not be in accordance with his views, I tend to fret.
My cynicism comes bubbling to the surface (for those who are new to me yes I am cynical – always have been). It fights in turn with my internal and eternal hope/optimist; For I am indeed a romantic at heart.
When I thought about spending the rest of my life with someone (in the past) – I did not hesitate – I took my vows seriously and for whatever reason – well I know the reasons now more clearly and blame I think can be divvied up between both parties – whether equally or not is a personal opinion. I PLANNED on being married for the rest of my life. When my last marriage failed, I think I began to question the ‘idea’ of being with someone ‘forever’. Heck I figured I’d be lucky if I could get a decent guy to date/date me….
Now, when I think about spending the rest of my life with someone, it’s Erin I think of.
That’s not to say that I still don’t ‘worry’.
I worry about us ‘keeping up with each other’. I worry about us getting bored or tired of each other. I worry a lot about us not being ‘in synch’ – often times I feel woefully out of synch with him…..which to me then tends to open up a Pandora’s box of potential issues….and that does not even count outside influences: family issues, well-meaning-misguided ‘friend’ issues, life in general.
I suppose all we can do is the best we can do...lame isn’t it.
He’s asked me if ‘we can do forever….’
What a question.
I am trying not to ‘overthink’ things, trying to calm myself – to tell myself that everything will be OK….
There are utterances/thoughts my love expresses to me that cause me concern about whether or not he is going to be happy being married to me. I’d like to be on the same page as him but not to the point of ‘not being me’. So when he ‘says’ certain things and my ‘normal’ answer would not be in accordance with his views, I tend to fret.
My cynicism comes bubbling to the surface (for those who are new to me yes I am cynical – always have been). It fights in turn with my internal and eternal hope/optimist; For I am indeed a romantic at heart.
When I thought about spending the rest of my life with someone (in the past) – I did not hesitate – I took my vows seriously and for whatever reason – well I know the reasons now more clearly and blame I think can be divvied up between both parties – whether equally or not is a personal opinion. I PLANNED on being married for the rest of my life. When my last marriage failed, I think I began to question the ‘idea’ of being with someone ‘forever’. Heck I figured I’d be lucky if I could get a decent guy to date/date me….
Now, when I think about spending the rest of my life with someone, it’s Erin I think of.
That’s not to say that I still don’t ‘worry’.
I worry about us ‘keeping up with each other’. I worry about us getting bored or tired of each other. I worry a lot about us not being ‘in synch’ – often times I feel woefully out of synch with him…..which to me then tends to open up a Pandora’s box of potential issues….and that does not even count outside influences: family issues, well-meaning-misguided ‘friend’ issues, life in general.
I suppose all we can do is the best we can do...lame isn’t it.
He’s asked me if ‘we can do forever….’
What a question.
Labels: Life, Love, Relationship
posted by Colette at 2:59 PM
4 Comments:
Can you imagine how much more cautious people would be when deciding to get married if the law was that once hitched, you could not ever, under any circumstances, divorce the other party?
LOL
Yeah...
As 'they' say:
'There oughtta be a law'
Frankly - I think you need to pass a test to get married AND to have kids.
At least you have marriage as an option. I despise nothing more than those who have rights and treat them with complete frivolity. Not speaking of you, of course my darling!
Liam my love...
If it were up to me you WOULD be allowed to be married to the partner of your choice...provided that is you passed the test I would require (just kidding - but yeah I believe too many people enter into the 'state of marriage' without a lot of judicious thought.)
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