"A Time of Innocence..."
“Time it was and what a time it was it was,
A time of innocence a time of confidences.
Long ago it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they’re all that’s left you”
- Simon & Garfunkle
This weekend I was going to PA with my sister and my niece to visit my Aunt Jada – just a social visit – my aging aunt is the closest living relation to our mother and we try to go for visits- my sister is much better at ‘visiting’ relative than I am…
We drove down Friday – I wrote down my impressions as I always do when I make such a journey a time stamp of the memory - (I will put that down as well)...
ON Saturday morning we were notified by my eldest cousin (my Aunt J’s daughter) that my uncle Frank has passed suddenly….
The world just sort of stopped….and when it began to rotate again – hell broke loose…
There are things I won’t comment on here because they amount to gossip – and yes when did *I* ever stop to consider gossip in the past….but this is more delicate I suppose and there’s no reason to be mean – no reason to speak ill of the dead…
Let’s chalk it up to being Italian in this case (yes I am well aware this happens with other families...) – but this one reeks of Italian-ness to me...
So taking a stroll down memory lane – it’s hard at times – there are things you want to remember, things you don’t want to be reminded of….
My mom’s side of the family were the side we were closest to – the ones we saw the most. I remember parties full of Italian food, music, laughter and more food – yeah we were Italian – go figure. I can still hear the words: “Mange! Mange!” ringing in my head.
The children that were the issue of my Italian grandparent’s union were gorgeous. My mother was stunning (I don’t know why I did not inherit her looks – I did inherit her body). Her brothers were incredibly handsome – and still were up until their deaths (for the most part – sure in some cases, the ravages of hard living and/or disease shown on their faces – but they were all very handsome men).
My uncle frank was charismatic, well-off, easy-going – he reminded me of the men of ‘that time’ period. The ‘Rat Pack’ sort of look/feel…Frank Sinatra tunes going through my head.
My relationship with his children, my 1st cousins was that of a ‘party’ sort of nature. We’d all get together for holidays – but it would always be for a party – we did not get together ‘just to get together’ like we did with my Aunt Jada’s family. My cousin Rocco is 3 months to the day older than me, my cousin Danny is my sister’s age and my cousin Chrissy is my youngest brother’s age. I remember several things about ‘Rocky’ mainly him being a lot ‘bigger’ than me – and a rough and tumble kid – quick to laugh and obviously he enjoyed the hell out of his life. One memorable occasion had him throwing me in their swimming pool not realising I could not swim – I almost drown. (After that my father gave me swimming lessons – I still fear the water). The other memory that sticks out (and is very tender) was the one from when my mother died. Rocky and I shared a private moment of smoking outside the funeral home (and yes it was more than an ‘ordinary’ cigarette) – and talking about being on the threshold of adulthood and our angst over life, our parents, school and al the BS that kids our age gripe about.
Unfortunately he was not there last night when I went to pay respects to my uncle and his family. Seeing my Aunt crying at his casket tore me up inside – she and her youngest brother are all that remain of my mother’s immediate family; Something I struggle with as I begin to realise they too will go one of these days and I will be left with just their memories and perhaps an item or two of theirs...
This will leave my cousins and I (on both sides of the family – for on my dad’s side there are only 3 remaining siblings now as well) – to forge a bond that will hopefully be as strong as the bonds I saw growing up amongst these 'larger-than-life' uncles and aunts of mine…sadly (as I told Erin – who drove all the way down to Pittsburgh to be by my side – more on that later) – I don’t think this will be the case unless one of us steps up to the plate and insists on taking the bull by the horns and trying despite our busy/hectic lives to stay in touch and see each other for more than just weddings and funerals – we all keep saying those words – time to put our money where our mouths are.
A time of innocence a time of confidences.
Long ago it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they’re all that’s left you”
- Simon & Garfunkle
This weekend I was going to PA with my sister and my niece to visit my Aunt Jada – just a social visit – my aging aunt is the closest living relation to our mother and we try to go for visits- my sister is much better at ‘visiting’ relative than I am…
We drove down Friday – I wrote down my impressions as I always do when I make such a journey a time stamp of the memory - (I will put that down as well)...
ON Saturday morning we were notified by my eldest cousin (my Aunt J’s daughter) that my uncle Frank has passed suddenly….
The world just sort of stopped….and when it began to rotate again – hell broke loose…
There are things I won’t comment on here because they amount to gossip – and yes when did *I* ever stop to consider gossip in the past….but this is more delicate I suppose and there’s no reason to be mean – no reason to speak ill of the dead…
Let’s chalk it up to being Italian in this case (yes I am well aware this happens with other families...) – but this one reeks of Italian-ness to me...
So taking a stroll down memory lane – it’s hard at times – there are things you want to remember, things you don’t want to be reminded of….
My mom’s side of the family were the side we were closest to – the ones we saw the most. I remember parties full of Italian food, music, laughter and more food – yeah we were Italian – go figure. I can still hear the words: “Mange! Mange!” ringing in my head.
The children that were the issue of my Italian grandparent’s union were gorgeous. My mother was stunning (I don’t know why I did not inherit her looks – I did inherit her body). Her brothers were incredibly handsome – and still were up until their deaths (for the most part – sure in some cases, the ravages of hard living and/or disease shown on their faces – but they were all very handsome men).
My uncle frank was charismatic, well-off, easy-going – he reminded me of the men of ‘that time’ period. The ‘Rat Pack’ sort of look/feel…Frank Sinatra tunes going through my head.
My relationship with his children, my 1st cousins was that of a ‘party’ sort of nature. We’d all get together for holidays – but it would always be for a party – we did not get together ‘just to get together’ like we did with my Aunt Jada’s family. My cousin Rocco is 3 months to the day older than me, my cousin Danny is my sister’s age and my cousin Chrissy is my youngest brother’s age. I remember several things about ‘Rocky’ mainly him being a lot ‘bigger’ than me – and a rough and tumble kid – quick to laugh and obviously he enjoyed the hell out of his life. One memorable occasion had him throwing me in their swimming pool not realising I could not swim – I almost drown. (After that my father gave me swimming lessons – I still fear the water). The other memory that sticks out (and is very tender) was the one from when my mother died. Rocky and I shared a private moment of smoking outside the funeral home (and yes it was more than an ‘ordinary’ cigarette) – and talking about being on the threshold of adulthood and our angst over life, our parents, school and al the BS that kids our age gripe about.
Unfortunately he was not there last night when I went to pay respects to my uncle and his family. Seeing my Aunt crying at his casket tore me up inside – she and her youngest brother are all that remain of my mother’s immediate family; Something I struggle with as I begin to realise they too will go one of these days and I will be left with just their memories and perhaps an item or two of theirs...
This will leave my cousins and I (on both sides of the family – for on my dad’s side there are only 3 remaining siblings now as well) – to forge a bond that will hopefully be as strong as the bonds I saw growing up amongst these 'larger-than-life' uncles and aunts of mine…sadly (as I told Erin – who drove all the way down to Pittsburgh to be by my side – more on that later) – I don’t think this will be the case unless one of us steps up to the plate and insists on taking the bull by the horns and trying despite our busy/hectic lives to stay in touch and see each other for more than just weddings and funerals – we all keep saying those words – time to put our money where our mouths are.
posted by Colette at 3:10 PM
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