Winds of Change
I am tired, dead tired….
I am working on no sleep (again of late – WTF?)
It was a hectic and frustrating (at times weekend) and I am wondering if I should have just stayed home-side – just too much – too much noise, too close quarters….too much DS (don’t ask…)….
It’s a learning curve I suppose and perhaps I am just sorely out of practice with such things…
I am trying my best to maintain lately, there been a lot of stress, there’s been a lot of upheaval, and there have been a lot of adjustments. That’s fine – this is how it’s going to be – after all we are forming a new family here – there are going to be growing pains….
It’s just that I need quiet – I need space – it’s a necessity and I crave such things. Otherwise I turn into a total bitch. I need alone time with my love too – and I guess I’ve been craving some of that lately. Actually in a way this is nice – it feels clandestine, ‘sneaking’ private moments…
I feel tossed about though, lately, confused, caught up in all the hesitancy that comes with major change…worried about the outcome – hoping for the best.
I do believe with any life-changing situation all of these feelings are ‘normal’. Still with my past history I think I overly worry about making mistakes, about falling into the same traps that in some ways I begin to feel are inevitable.
Yet it seems, no matter how much gets thrown in the way of this relationship, we seem to bounce back. I never find myself thinking, why do I love this man or that I should not have fallen in love with him. Sure, I have concerns and doubts at times about what is best for everyone involved….wanting to make sure that we are doing the right thing by getting married. Truth be told – I can no longer imagine my life without Erin and the kids. They all mean so much to me. In fact, in so many ways, I have Erin and the kids to thank for making me realise just how important family is – a lesson ashamedly lost on me years ago. Nowadays, things are much better between my daughter and myself and my son and I are finding common ground – it’s still strained but what 19-yr-old boy wants to ‘hang out’ with his mother.
Change/evolution is what keeps life moving - it’s how I know I am alive – of course change is difficult at times but it’s also challenging and invigorating and I am and always will be grateful for all lessons that God/dess the universe sends my way – my hope is that I act with grace, love, and wisdom as I face my life.
I am working on no sleep (again of late – WTF?)
It was a hectic and frustrating (at times weekend) and I am wondering if I should have just stayed home-side – just too much – too much noise, too close quarters….too much DS (don’t ask…)….
It’s a learning curve I suppose and perhaps I am just sorely out of practice with such things…
I am trying my best to maintain lately, there been a lot of stress, there’s been a lot of upheaval, and there have been a lot of adjustments. That’s fine – this is how it’s going to be – after all we are forming a new family here – there are going to be growing pains….
It’s just that I need quiet – I need space – it’s a necessity and I crave such things. Otherwise I turn into a total bitch. I need alone time with my love too – and I guess I’ve been craving some of that lately. Actually in a way this is nice – it feels clandestine, ‘sneaking’ private moments…
I feel tossed about though, lately, confused, caught up in all the hesitancy that comes with major change…worried about the outcome – hoping for the best.
I do believe with any life-changing situation all of these feelings are ‘normal’. Still with my past history I think I overly worry about making mistakes, about falling into the same traps that in some ways I begin to feel are inevitable.
Yet it seems, no matter how much gets thrown in the way of this relationship, we seem to bounce back. I never find myself thinking, why do I love this man or that I should not have fallen in love with him. Sure, I have concerns and doubts at times about what is best for everyone involved….wanting to make sure that we are doing the right thing by getting married. Truth be told – I can no longer imagine my life without Erin and the kids. They all mean so much to me. In fact, in so many ways, I have Erin and the kids to thank for making me realise just how important family is – a lesson ashamedly lost on me years ago. Nowadays, things are much better between my daughter and myself and my son and I are finding common ground – it’s still strained but what 19-yr-old boy wants to ‘hang out’ with his mother.
Change/evolution is what keeps life moving - it’s how I know I am alive – of course change is difficult at times but it’s also challenging and invigorating and I am and always will be grateful for all lessons that God/dess the universe sends my way – my hope is that I act with grace, love, and wisdom as I face my life.
posted by Colette at 10:27 AM
2 Comments:
I can tell in just being around you that you are a much happier person than you have been in a long time. I got the pics developed from your engagement party and there are a couple in there that poignantly show the depth of affection between the two of you.
A life lived without any doubt or regret is a fools paradise!
I'm working on the space and quiet thing Love. There is much (re)organization that needs to be done around here, but we're making progress.
I'm also quite aware of making mistakes and avoiding traps, and think that with both of us having been through so much and being (more) cognizant of our actions, we're going to avoid many problems. For those that we don't avoid, I am willing to forgive, and forget, almost anything and everything. Remaining upset over us being human is a pretty insane thing to do, and I'm not going to go there. I love you too much for pride and self-importance to get in the way of our relationship.
...
Liam, I didn't realize we let you in on that to take those photos. (*wink*)
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