Monday, February 25, 2013

"Present Shock"

It all started with this: Present Shock - Donald Rushkoff

Stream of consciousness now seems like a misnomer to me. I get mired in the ‘things of doing’ and not the ‘doing’ itself. I waste more time, feel more sad, and have more shit than I need or want, or know what to do with; both in the amount of things, and in the way I have relationships, in my life.

I am so enamored with Yoga – I preach it to people and then end up being a total hypocrite. I want to withdraw and find myself unable to (not unwilling, there is a difference) – because of my ‘obligations’. Again and again, the idea of retreating from the world and devoting myself to myself, to the betterment of the world, and of others seems like a distant pipe dream, something totally unattainable in the current social climate without selling everything I own and either joining a monastery or living in a cave.

For years, count them, nine so far, I have posted words, ranted at the world, and fancied myself a kind of writer, a social observer, a sentient being. Now, I am being called to readdress those notions and very nearly hang my head in shame.

I could try to come up with a laundry list of ‘things I should be doing’ and perhaps be able to pull it off – and maybe that would be enough to shut up that little voice inside of me that is beginning to question everything I think I believe in, everything I cling to – but to what end, and what would it solve?

I think it is time for a new path, a completely different direction as I find my own time dwindling and my own life winding down. I do not know what that vision looks like right now. All I know is that it is needed before I find myself careening off of a cliff and plunging headlong into the depths of the ordinary....

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