Monday, April 04, 2005

It's just crazy enough

So I thought I would post this.

My son hangs out with a very talented and unusual group of kids. They all possess a great sense of humour and most of them are pretty damned smart.

One of the young men in particular is a budding cartoonist and satirist and he had to write a letter as a project for one of his teachers to prove he knew how to use MS Word.

The letter does not make any sense - in fact it's utter nonsense, but it's very funny to read. So I thought I would post it - for more of this young man's work you can go to his website.

*************


9/1/04

Dear Mr. Fundak

Eat fifteen donuts, capture a giraffe, and tie a rope to your tongue. Such is the only true path of virtue. Oh, and don’t drink cyanide. It may seem tempting, but just because you have a bunion on your left ear lobe doesn’t mean you’re immune to deadly poison. Every couple days I like to sit on my porch and throw apples at people passing by my house. One day I beamed an old lady in the face with an apple, so she broke into my house that night and converted my entire family to Islam. My pancreas has never been the same since that day.

Lemmings go well on rye with a slice of tomato and some Mrs. Dash. I don’t know if you knew this or not, but I also don’t know where my bed is. This explains why I can be found in Baghdad every night playing the clarinet with Joseph Stalin’s zombie and a shoe named Larry. I was once accused of eating three biscuits in one sitting, but I was found innocent when it was discovered that one of the jury members was, in fact, Chewbacca. But anyway, I COMMAND YOU TO STARE INTO THE EYES OF THE INFINITE!

Tuesday is pizza day, which means my mom steals all my pants and makes a big bonfire with them. The neighborhood children all gather around the flaming pile of my trousers and dance, while I sit in my room and cry because I have no pants. One day when I was sitting on my roof I saw Donkey Kong driving a school bus down my street, so I immediately went downstairs and fed my cat. I was told in kindergarten that cows go “moo”, but I know that’s a dirty lie. All and sundry know that cows are just a myth. A MYTH I SAY!

In conclusion, there is no pleasure in the world greater than that of eating spaghetti out of your neighbor’s shoes.

Sincerely yours

1 Comments:

Blogger e said...

A kid I wish I taught. Sounds fun as anything. There must be a good reason your son hangs out with them- he must be equally smart.

2:39 AM  

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