'I can't be holdin' on to what you've got when all you've got is pain'
The other nite - this past Saturday - it seemed to get dark so fast - I stepped out onto our deck and the wind was just whipping around across the lake and the lake was so still yet so deep - a moving horizon against the sky, the colours melting into the water beautiful deep purples to pinks to then very pale blue...
It's a cold breeze coming over from Canada - signaling the beginning of autumn and I have a feeling of endings - desperately trying to hang on as summer fades slowly away...
A discussion that night with him - my friend from a ways away - he is married and yet he was always 'into' me...
So we got to talking on-line with him telling how much he 'wants' me in a sexual way - but I begin to question this now - feeling his motives are unpure. I begin to try to pin him down and ask what would happen if...we actually got together - he tells me he could never actually leave his wife - 'she'd be devastated' - so like all the other that's how you view your wives - we'd be nothing without you - not giving her too much credit, are you? So here's our answer because I am not going to have an 'affair' and you don't want to hurt me - but it's a double-edged sword because you don't want to lose me either (or hurt me) - but that's OK cause you never really *had* me to begin with. And so...here we are - I see no point in going any further - we were never really such good 'friends' either - we were just an escape for each to each other - a fantasy - imaginary lovers and the bubble burst so easily....
Still, afterwards I feel let down and I don't even know why really...I wasn't sad or irritated (well perhaps a bit of both) - but then we had said 'no rules' 'no expectations' - so how could I really be let down by something that never existed.
Driving home the next day my mind wanders, flits about musing on the red Nissan just up ahead of me with the 'Jesus' bumper-sticker but then I notice a rhinestone miniature 'disco ball' hanging from the rearview mirror - me wondering why they have both and then realising that - almost always - things just aren't what they seem to be...
Farewell Cheri...
It's a cold breeze coming over from Canada - signaling the beginning of autumn and I have a feeling of endings - desperately trying to hang on as summer fades slowly away...
A discussion that night with him - my friend from a ways away - he is married and yet he was always 'into' me...
So we got to talking on-line with him telling how much he 'wants' me in a sexual way - but I begin to question this now - feeling his motives are unpure. I begin to try to pin him down and ask what would happen if...we actually got together - he tells me he could never actually leave his wife - 'she'd be devastated' - so like all the other that's how you view your wives - we'd be nothing without you - not giving her too much credit, are you? So here's our answer because I am not going to have an 'affair' and you don't want to hurt me - but it's a double-edged sword because you don't want to lose me either (or hurt me) - but that's OK cause you never really *had* me to begin with. And so...here we are - I see no point in going any further - we were never really such good 'friends' either - we were just an escape for each to each other - a fantasy - imaginary lovers and the bubble burst so easily....
Still, afterwards I feel let down and I don't even know why really...I wasn't sad or irritated (well perhaps a bit of both) - but then we had said 'no rules' 'no expectations' - so how could I really be let down by something that never existed.
Driving home the next day my mind wanders, flits about musing on the red Nissan just up ahead of me with the 'Jesus' bumper-sticker but then I notice a rhinestone miniature 'disco ball' hanging from the rearview mirror - me wondering why they have both and then realising that - almost always - things just aren't what they seem to be...
Farewell Cheri...
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