A surreal life...
It is a bit...isn’t it?
So last night, after a really great last session with my Wednesday night Yoga crowd (which now makes me more determined to somehow keep the momentum going with them) – I went home, a bit tired because I also had had pre-ops – I am having some surgery next week.
The thing that struck me about the pre-op visit was that they did absolutely no lab work, no ECG, NOTHING...which is OK – other than having a sinus infection (for which I was on antibiotics and of course there was concern about that)...so the doctor looks at me briefly and asks if I am healthy and then she looks at the inside rim of my eyes and indicates I am ‘quite pale’ well uhm yes I am a very pale person – I say this to her..she says ‘No, C – I think perhaps you need to have your hemoglobin checked’ – then she lies me down and listens to my heart and breath sounds...and then clears me for surgery.
Which now leads me to this – why the hell didn't she, given the fact that she had me there as a captive audience, just get my blood work done???? So now here I am worried that I may be anemic or something worse and so today I had to call my own doctor and am now going through the hassle of trying to get them to do it for me; my own personal doctor is booking all the way out into May – so again I am thinking how stupid it is to wait that long to see if I have a *real* problem...not that I want to borrow trouble but I don’t see why she could not just drop the labs in considering I am having surgery. In talking to one of the other ladies here I found out she recently had her gall-bladder removed and they did not do one single thing for her pre-operatively – I was incredulous over this – I mean hundreds/thousands of people get their gall-bladders removed probably hourly in the US I don’t think it’s that big of a deal but I think if you are going to go under the scalpel/have anesthesia then it seems only right they do SOME LAB WORK, RIGHT????????
Now I am waiting to hear from my doc to see what *I* should do...
So as I said I was on my way home kind of tired but rejuvenated a bit as I always am after having a good session with student and I realize I needed to eat something so I decided - (since the other night I was so tired I actually stopped at *GASP* McDonald's)- that I HAD to go to the grocery store - so I did and bought salad fixins, and cheese, milk, dried fruit, vegetable soup, laundry soap and bottled water...as well as some 1/2 price chocolate items from V-Day leftovers....
Got home and beeped the horn to get my son to help me unload - went in the house, called his name - no answer....so just on a whim I decided to walk down to my landlord's house and bring him a little of the chocolate (because I figured no one had thought of him for Valentine's Day and since he had lost his wife back in September I thought I'd check on him) - I've said he's one of the nicest guys I've met...and sure enough my son was down there and having a beer with him and talking - I gave him the little gift of chocolate and got a nice hug out of it and he offered me a glass of red wine (note to self: really must get some decent wine for this guy)- I had a glass of the grape-juice-like wine he offered and told him I really had to go - as we were sitting there he and my son resumed their conversation - it was about guns....my son was apparently asking my landlord to take him to a shooting range - and my landlord agreed....*sigh*...I told my son it was time to go unload the car and we left - my landlord gave me another hug (a little to tightly I thought but it was OK)...we left.
So we got home and my son started by telling me he knew I did not approve but he felt that he would eventually own a gun and the more he learned about them the more comfortable he'd be (my son had already been taught to shoot by my daughter's right-wing-very-christian-funadmentalist-kind-of-survivalist-but,
telling-themselves-they're-really-hunters-kind-of family
(but we all know it's more like can you say: 'Ruby Ridge', or 'Waco')....
I am trying realy hard to let him be his own man, I really am - so instead of trying to brow beat him into my way of looking at this I tried engaging him - I asked him why he felt he'd need a gun - he told me that he wanted to be able to protect his family and that he felt had every right to do so - he went on to say that if someone tried breaking into his house and they were stupid enough to keep going after he had cocked his shotgun that they then deserved to get their limbs blown off - he said 'I know you believe in love and peace, Mom but the rest of the world isn't buying what your generation was selling back then'...he told me he was not a violent person but he still felt he had a right bear arms to protect his family....
I tried telling him that I would never try to take away anyone's constitutional right to bear arms, however that I've lived in horrible neighborhoods, been involved in extremely dangerous situations and never had a gun - that I would never own a gun - I told him even now where I work the neighborhood is dicey at best and downright dangerous at the very least, that I often leave work (after teaching) when it's dark out and I walk alone to my car - he said he thought that was crazy - I told him I've even been approached - I told him I basically stood tall, looked the guy right in the eye and said 'just keep walking buddy' - he did - my son felt I was again either stupid or really lucky - I'll give him that - but no matter what I said about how the problem is bigger than him owning a gun, how we need to fix the neighborhoods and the poverty and the society that allows this desperation and crime to happen, I got nowhere - he asked me if I thought the government even cared about inner-city crime - I had to admit he was right - but I told him that if enough people tried hard enough that change would happen - I told him that you had to hold onto the hope that the world CAN be changed....he retorted that society is starting to unravel, fraying at the edges and that very soon it would come completely apart and then, it would be every man/woman for themselves and then he asked me: 'so what are you going to do then, mom, lock your doors and pray? Cause you know the government isn't going to protect you then and neither is your love and peace'...I merely looked at him and said 'Well I guess when my time to go comes, I'll go then - I am not so attached to this world Tony' again I got that look...the 'mom you're crazy' look...
What he said about society fraying at the edges sent chills down my spine....he's so young still...what kind of a world is left for him and for everyone that comes after him - it just seemed so futile, so sad....
I hugged him, told him I loved him, and went to bed and I cried a little....but not too much - not loud enough for him to hear me...
So last night, after a really great last session with my Wednesday night Yoga crowd (which now makes me more determined to somehow keep the momentum going with them) – I went home, a bit tired because I also had had pre-ops – I am having some surgery next week.
The thing that struck me about the pre-op visit was that they did absolutely no lab work, no ECG, NOTHING...which is OK – other than having a sinus infection (for which I was on antibiotics and of course there was concern about that)...so the doctor looks at me briefly and asks if I am healthy and then she looks at the inside rim of my eyes and indicates I am ‘quite pale’ well uhm yes I am a very pale person – I say this to her..she says ‘No, C – I think perhaps you need to have your hemoglobin checked’ – then she lies me down and listens to my heart and breath sounds...and then clears me for surgery.
Which now leads me to this – why the hell didn't she, given the fact that she had me there as a captive audience, just get my blood work done???? So now here I am worried that I may be anemic or something worse and so today I had to call my own doctor and am now going through the hassle of trying to get them to do it for me; my own personal doctor is booking all the way out into May – so again I am thinking how stupid it is to wait that long to see if I have a *real* problem...not that I want to borrow trouble but I don’t see why she could not just drop the labs in considering I am having surgery. In talking to one of the other ladies here I found out she recently had her gall-bladder removed and they did not do one single thing for her pre-operatively – I was incredulous over this – I mean hundreds/thousands of people get their gall-bladders removed probably hourly in the US I don’t think it’s that big of a deal but I think if you are going to go under the scalpel/have anesthesia then it seems only right they do SOME LAB WORK, RIGHT????????
Now I am waiting to hear from my doc to see what *I* should do...
So as I said I was on my way home kind of tired but rejuvenated a bit as I always am after having a good session with student and I realize I needed to eat something so I decided - (since the other night I was so tired I actually stopped at *GASP* McDonald's)- that I HAD to go to the grocery store - so I did and bought salad fixins, and cheese, milk, dried fruit, vegetable soup, laundry soap and bottled water...as well as some 1/2 price chocolate items from V-Day leftovers....
Got home and beeped the horn to get my son to help me unload - went in the house, called his name - no answer....so just on a whim I decided to walk down to my landlord's house and bring him a little of the chocolate (because I figured no one had thought of him for Valentine's Day and since he had lost his wife back in September I thought I'd check on him) - I've said he's one of the nicest guys I've met...and sure enough my son was down there and having a beer with him and talking - I gave him the little gift of chocolate and got a nice hug out of it and he offered me a glass of red wine (note to self: really must get some decent wine for this guy)- I had a glass of the grape-juice-like wine he offered and told him I really had to go - as we were sitting there he and my son resumed their conversation - it was about guns....my son was apparently asking my landlord to take him to a shooting range - and my landlord agreed....*sigh*...I told my son it was time to go unload the car and we left - my landlord gave me another hug (a little to tightly I thought but it was OK)...we left.
So we got home and my son started by telling me he knew I did not approve but he felt that he would eventually own a gun and the more he learned about them the more comfortable he'd be (my son had already been taught to shoot by my daughter's right-wing-very-christian-funadmentalist-kind-of-survivalist-but,
telling-themselves-they're-really-hunters-kind-of family
(but we all know it's more like can you say: 'Ruby Ridge', or 'Waco')....
I am trying realy hard to let him be his own man, I really am - so instead of trying to brow beat him into my way of looking at this I tried engaging him - I asked him why he felt he'd need a gun - he told me that he wanted to be able to protect his family and that he felt had every right to do so - he went on to say that if someone tried breaking into his house and they were stupid enough to keep going after he had cocked his shotgun that they then deserved to get their limbs blown off - he said 'I know you believe in love and peace, Mom but the rest of the world isn't buying what your generation was selling back then'...he told me he was not a violent person but he still felt he had a right bear arms to protect his family....
I tried telling him that I would never try to take away anyone's constitutional right to bear arms, however that I've lived in horrible neighborhoods, been involved in extremely dangerous situations and never had a gun - that I would never own a gun - I told him even now where I work the neighborhood is dicey at best and downright dangerous at the very least, that I often leave work (after teaching) when it's dark out and I walk alone to my car - he said he thought that was crazy - I told him I've even been approached - I told him I basically stood tall, looked the guy right in the eye and said 'just keep walking buddy' - he did - my son felt I was again either stupid or really lucky - I'll give him that - but no matter what I said about how the problem is bigger than him owning a gun, how we need to fix the neighborhoods and the poverty and the society that allows this desperation and crime to happen, I got nowhere - he asked me if I thought the government even cared about inner-city crime - I had to admit he was right - but I told him that if enough people tried hard enough that change would happen - I told him that you had to hold onto the hope that the world CAN be changed....he retorted that society is starting to unravel, fraying at the edges and that very soon it would come completely apart and then, it would be every man/woman for themselves and then he asked me: 'so what are you going to do then, mom, lock your doors and pray? Cause you know the government isn't going to protect you then and neither is your love and peace'...I merely looked at him and said 'Well I guess when my time to go comes, I'll go then - I am not so attached to this world Tony' again I got that look...the 'mom you're crazy' look...
What he said about society fraying at the edges sent chills down my spine....he's so young still...what kind of a world is left for him and for everyone that comes after him - it just seemed so futile, so sad....
I hugged him, told him I loved him, and went to bed and I cried a little....but not too much - not loud enough for him to hear me...
posted by Colette at 10:20 PM
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