On death and dying...
Yeah..I knew I had to crash this party sometime....
My best friend's (she's actually a pseudo mom to my siblings and me as well) mom passed away and her funeral was today....
I am not fond of the funeral 'ritual' here in our country - frankly it sucks, it is so damned 'sterile' and 'clean' I can hardly stand it - and, head ups for you guys related to me (close friends out there too) - don't you even think about putting me in a casket in a funeral home or doing any such nonsense for me....I want to be put on a funeral pyre and set off like a rocket and I want all your left-behind-selves standing around the huge bonfire of my vanity while I go up in flames, (a la St. Joan), and while you guys party your asses off....DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!?! (and yeah I promise to put it in writing for all you legal buffs - hey does *this* count as legal on my blog???)
So yeah it was very difficult seeing my friend (a very strong woman) at last night's visitation - she was so tired and so worn down by this and her sorrow set off my recurring sorrow over my own mom's death and of course her sister also mentioned how they were much luckier than *my* family cause our mom died so young and they got to have their mom around longer (I felt like asking if it was a contest) - but nonetheless it hit me hard - by this morning when I walked into the funeral home and went to the casket briefly to say good-bye (although why I was saying goodbye to a corpse is beyond me)- I began to cry but I was not crying for this woman, I was crying for my own losses, for my own mortality, for my own fears (especially lately) Goddess how it makes you think....
And of course we had to sit through a service held there; a 'Catholic' service of sorts in a clean, sterile funeral home - no cool statues, no dark gothic 'feel', no incense burning and candles lit...while a priest read the rites. I sat there stoic, refusing to participate (until it came to the Lord's prayer - I did say that) - but I am not a Catholic anymore and I refuse to pretend to be one for anyone....my niece was asking my sister about the woman in the casket: 'Where is she? She can't 'talk' to us now' - my sister patiently explaining that the woman was up in heaven and could look down on us - that she was going to see grandma and grandpa (meaning our parents) - my niece was having none of this - frankly part of me wasn't either....not cynical just questioning...wondering...I can 'feel' my mom and my dad (not so much) - but not like they are in some austere heaven-like-place - more like they are 'inside' of me - part of me...I can't explain it...
Then the long drive (and by long I mean long - to another county - I was almost out of gas by the time we got to the cemetery) to the burial grounds...I was playing Irish jigs and reels all the way there and to the wake afterwards, cause them Irish sure know how to send off the dead....
Again, we all stood by the grave site - freezing while yet more words were read and more prayers uttered in the hopes that the spirit (soul) of the dearly departed were off to 'greener pastures'....comfort for us, the living left behind....
The wake was nice - it was family sharing a meal, talking, laughing - but again it wasn't an 'Irish' kind of wake - in fact I think I was the only one who finally held up a glass of wine and said: 'To Lena' and everyone around the table joined me - albeit briefly....(again note to family and friends - booze there will be booze and partying - have fun kids - don't spend it on the funeral and any of those accompanying accoutrements - spend it on the party - you all deserve it for putting up with me ^_^)
***************
My dear Lena - you will be missed and remembered. Thank you for the kindness shown to me and my family all these years - you were always so thoughtful - and your were a hoot to boot - I hope you have as much fun where ever you are now as you did on your finest/happiest days here on earth. We all loved you very much and we will continue to hold you close in our memories....
My best friend's (she's actually a pseudo mom to my siblings and me as well) mom passed away and her funeral was today....
I am not fond of the funeral 'ritual' here in our country - frankly it sucks, it is so damned 'sterile' and 'clean' I can hardly stand it - and, head ups for you guys related to me (close friends out there too) - don't you even think about putting me in a casket in a funeral home or doing any such nonsense for me....I want to be put on a funeral pyre and set off like a rocket and I want all your left-behind-selves standing around the huge bonfire of my vanity while I go up in flames, (a la St. Joan), and while you guys party your asses off....DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!?! (and yeah I promise to put it in writing for all you legal buffs - hey does *this* count as legal on my blog???)
So yeah it was very difficult seeing my friend (a very strong woman) at last night's visitation - she was so tired and so worn down by this and her sorrow set off my recurring sorrow over my own mom's death and of course her sister also mentioned how they were much luckier than *my* family cause our mom died so young and they got to have their mom around longer (I felt like asking if it was a contest) - but nonetheless it hit me hard - by this morning when I walked into the funeral home and went to the casket briefly to say good-bye (although why I was saying goodbye to a corpse is beyond me)- I began to cry but I was not crying for this woman, I was crying for my own losses, for my own mortality, for my own fears (especially lately) Goddess how it makes you think....
And of course we had to sit through a service held there; a 'Catholic' service of sorts in a clean, sterile funeral home - no cool statues, no dark gothic 'feel', no incense burning and candles lit...while a priest read the rites. I sat there stoic, refusing to participate (until it came to the Lord's prayer - I did say that) - but I am not a Catholic anymore and I refuse to pretend to be one for anyone....my niece was asking my sister about the woman in the casket: 'Where is she? She can't 'talk' to us now' - my sister patiently explaining that the woman was up in heaven and could look down on us - that she was going to see grandma and grandpa (meaning our parents) - my niece was having none of this - frankly part of me wasn't either....not cynical just questioning...wondering...I can 'feel' my mom and my dad (not so much) - but not like they are in some austere heaven-like-place - more like they are 'inside' of me - part of me...I can't explain it...
Then the long drive (and by long I mean long - to another county - I was almost out of gas by the time we got to the cemetery) to the burial grounds...I was playing Irish jigs and reels all the way there and to the wake afterwards, cause them Irish sure know how to send off the dead....
Again, we all stood by the grave site - freezing while yet more words were read and more prayers uttered in the hopes that the spirit (soul) of the dearly departed were off to 'greener pastures'....comfort for us, the living left behind....
The wake was nice - it was family sharing a meal, talking, laughing - but again it wasn't an 'Irish' kind of wake - in fact I think I was the only one who finally held up a glass of wine and said: 'To Lena' and everyone around the table joined me - albeit briefly....(again note to family and friends - booze there will be booze and partying - have fun kids - don't spend it on the funeral and any of those accompanying accoutrements - spend it on the party - you all deserve it for putting up with me ^_^)
***************
My dear Lena - you will be missed and remembered. Thank you for the kindness shown to me and my family all these years - you were always so thoughtful - and your were a hoot to boot - I hope you have as much fun where ever you are now as you did on your finest/happiest days here on earth. We all loved you very much and we will continue to hold you close in our memories....
posted by Colette at 1:07 AM
1 Comments:
im thinking when it is my time to go .. that i had been more kind and more compassionate to my family and friends.
...
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