Burning the candle at both ends...
Monday morning quarterbacking...
I worry. Too much.
Saturday was lovely. Got up with Erin, then I had to go because he had games with his kids. I went home, cleaned, tried working out but, because my son had taken all the batteries out of the remotes, could not – I woke him up - pissed off got into a fight. I ended up feeling bad but I am tired of my ‘stuff’ being messed with, broken. We talked and I was a lot calmer and I told him how I felt (but we ALWAYS do this dance). He asked me if I would take him to the mall. I HATE going to the mall – but we went.
Got home and headed over to Erin’s. He had spent the last 3 hours in the cold and damp at the kids’ games – I could sense he was tired. We got ready to go out.
The play was Shakespeare’s Love’s Labours Lost it was a really interesting staging of the play and the troupe was wonderful – the play was really funny and I was laughing almost to the point of tears. Unfortunately my love was tired and you really kind of have to be in a certain mind set to watch Shakespeare. We went to his place and he was probably asleep before his head hit the pillow.
On Sunday he had to get up early to go teach PSR at church. My heart in some ways goes out to him and I am left feeling selfish because part of me would just like a weekend without an agenda, one where we laze around – we get to do things but take our time – sleep in. He’s under a lot of stress/under the gun at work – it’s not so much leaving me feeling neglected as it is making me feel like I am only adding to the stress – that I am just ‘one more thing’ to be put onto an already too full schedule. We had a lovely day – went to brunch with my friends and then did shopping and raked the yard. We had a Yoga lesson, a nice hot shower, and made love…went to sleep…cuddling.
I wonder why we do this to ourselves, why we run ourselves ragged. For what? What’s the point of all that? I just think sometimes we put too much on our collective plates. We are starving at the banquet table of life. Instead of eating to live we live to eat. We rush, we’re hectic, we are stressed, we can’t relax, we can’t enjoy, we can’t kick back and just do nothing and EVERYTHING suffers. I am guilty of having too much to do as well – but I learned a long time ago to TAKE the time and so now I don’t fill up my plate like that – except NOW *I* have a relationship where I didn’t before. It makes me wonder about the nature of dating and relationships too…how do they managed to survive in this 21st-century-instant-gratification-too-much-to-do-too-little-time society of ours? I am not sure many do – unless the people involved decide they want to stop the world to get off for a bit and focus on what really matters. Connection. As long as you stay connected – I guess you can muddle through somehow. I sure hope so…
I worry. Too much.
Saturday was lovely. Got up with Erin, then I had to go because he had games with his kids. I went home, cleaned, tried working out but, because my son had taken all the batteries out of the remotes, could not – I woke him up - pissed off got into a fight. I ended up feeling bad but I am tired of my ‘stuff’ being messed with, broken. We talked and I was a lot calmer and I told him how I felt (but we ALWAYS do this dance). He asked me if I would take him to the mall. I HATE going to the mall – but we went.
Got home and headed over to Erin’s. He had spent the last 3 hours in the cold and damp at the kids’ games – I could sense he was tired. We got ready to go out.
The play was Shakespeare’s Love’s Labours Lost it was a really interesting staging of the play and the troupe was wonderful – the play was really funny and I was laughing almost to the point of tears. Unfortunately my love was tired and you really kind of have to be in a certain mind set to watch Shakespeare. We went to his place and he was probably asleep before his head hit the pillow.
On Sunday he had to get up early to go teach PSR at church. My heart in some ways goes out to him and I am left feeling selfish because part of me would just like a weekend without an agenda, one where we laze around – we get to do things but take our time – sleep in. He’s under a lot of stress/under the gun at work – it’s not so much leaving me feeling neglected as it is making me feel like I am only adding to the stress – that I am just ‘one more thing’ to be put onto an already too full schedule. We had a lovely day – went to brunch with my friends and then did shopping and raked the yard. We had a Yoga lesson, a nice hot shower, and made love…went to sleep…cuddling.
I wonder why we do this to ourselves, why we run ourselves ragged. For what? What’s the point of all that? I just think sometimes we put too much on our collective plates. We are starving at the banquet table of life. Instead of eating to live we live to eat. We rush, we’re hectic, we are stressed, we can’t relax, we can’t enjoy, we can’t kick back and just do nothing and EVERYTHING suffers. I am guilty of having too much to do as well – but I learned a long time ago to TAKE the time and so now I don’t fill up my plate like that – except NOW *I* have a relationship where I didn’t before. It makes me wonder about the nature of dating and relationships too…how do they managed to survive in this 21st-century-instant-gratification-too-much-to-do-too-little-time society of ours? I am not sure many do – unless the people involved decide they want to stop the world to get off for a bit and focus on what really matters. Connection. As long as you stay connected – I guess you can muddle through somehow. I sure hope so…
posted by Colette at 8:16 AM
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