Musings about loss...
Lately I have been at odds with myself.
Things have been bothering me....most of them center around loss.
I had a bit of a reality check this weekend from meeting some of Erin's family. Left me kind of wondering about the relationship in terms of 'where are we going?' - how fast/how soon etc.
He said something that stopped me a little in my tracks (it's funny how one single comment can do that to me) - it was about becoming too familiar with each other and not doing the 'little things'. He can still say he's crazy about me and after all isn't that what matters? I can say the same (just for inquiring minds - not that anyone out there is keeping score).
Sometimes it's imperceptible how we 'lose' the things we used to do for/to each other that make it a romance vs day-to-day drudgery/mundane relationship.
Like holding a door for each other. Like that little phone call just to say 'I love you'. Like an e-mail or hand-written love-letter. Like looking into each other's eyes. Like holding hands. Like all those little things.
I've lamented this before - I am lamenting again. Only because I am curious as to what makes and then ultimately breaks a relationship and sometimes I wonder if it's because in some ways we do keep tally. 'He/she didn't buy me anything for the anniversary of our first date'; or, 'he/she never tells me she loves me anymore' etc.
*********
I've suffered a loss this past week as well. It's major - I don't know what to say. I'd like to talk about it deeper but I can't - I don't know if I ever will. Suffice it to say I am deeply saddened and feeling it in places I did not think I would. It's probably for the best...but there's always that little voice that wonders in the back of my mind.
Things have been bothering me....most of them center around loss.
I had a bit of a reality check this weekend from meeting some of Erin's family. Left me kind of wondering about the relationship in terms of 'where are we going?' - how fast/how soon etc.
He said something that stopped me a little in my tracks (it's funny how one single comment can do that to me) - it was about becoming too familiar with each other and not doing the 'little things'. He can still say he's crazy about me and after all isn't that what matters? I can say the same (just for inquiring minds - not that anyone out there is keeping score).
Sometimes it's imperceptible how we 'lose' the things we used to do for/to each other that make it a romance vs day-to-day drudgery/mundane relationship.
Like holding a door for each other. Like that little phone call just to say 'I love you'. Like an e-mail or hand-written love-letter. Like looking into each other's eyes. Like holding hands. Like all those little things.
I've lamented this before - I am lamenting again. Only because I am curious as to what makes and then ultimately breaks a relationship and sometimes I wonder if it's because in some ways we do keep tally. 'He/she didn't buy me anything for the anniversary of our first date'; or, 'he/she never tells me she loves me anymore' etc.
*********
I've suffered a loss this past week as well. It's major - I don't know what to say. I'd like to talk about it deeper but I can't - I don't know if I ever will. Suffice it to say I am deeply saddened and feeling it in places I did not think I would. It's probably for the best...but there's always that little voice that wonders in the back of my mind.
posted by Colette at 2:13 PM
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