The Internet and Intimacy
This is prompted by (as usual) a thought-provoking conversation with Erin...
Call me old-fashioned – I think that ‘picking people up’ on-line for romance/sex ‘whatever’ is a bad idea and that it strips the ‘event’ of all intimacy (just my humble opinion).
Our lives are busy – agreed. However, I simply feel it’s an odd way to ‘hook up’ – that’s why I always hated the idea and practice of ‘on-line’ dating – I never wanted to meet people that way, there are simply too many weirdoes out there – but then to acquiesce a bit – picking up a total stranger in a bar isn’t any better, is it???
My ‘experience’ with the internet was begun when my ex (Tony’s dad) insisted on bringing a computer into our home. I was actually AFRAID of this machine…something in me warned me it would not help our already failing relationship. My ex used to spend hours literally on the computer (instead of coming to our bed at night – NOT that we were having sex or had any intimacy between us at that point).
Finally, I got tired of it and decided to check out the computer myself. I began at first by writing – but then someone told me about the ‘Internet’ and at that time the Cleveland ‘Freenet’ which was run by CWRU. I made my foray into the ‘unknown’. I ‘met’ people (on-line), and ‘chatted’ with them – I found it to be strange and ‘otherworldly’ in some ways 'mystical' that these ‘entities’ talked to me through the ‘medium’ of the little electronic box on my credenza...
One of the first people I actually chatted with was Liam – to this day I thank Goddess I ‘met him’ but we did eventually meet in person – we’ve been like family ever since.
There were ‘chat rooms’ you could be in based on subject matter. You could create profiles about yourself – tell the people out there what you wanted them to know – or fabricate an entirely new personae – basically lie about yourself – I remember the first time I pointed this out to a young man on-line he was livid...
I was beginning to be on-line a lot – it was like having a ‘secret life’ my family did not know what I was doing or to whom I was talking. I felt a bit naughty but never did I do anything that was all that ‘dangerous’.
One night when I was chatting with Liam – someone kept ‘buzzing’ me to talk to me – he kept sending me messages in French. This sort of freaked me out a bit because he was a total stranger and I could not figure out why he’d just assume I’d know how to read French (but then I had forgotten in my ‘bio’ I had mentioned knowing how to read and write (and speak) French) – at any rate he was very persistent and began to get annoying so I excused myself from Liam and began to ‘flame’ on this guy...little did I know I was speaking to one of the head technical officers from WHO – he lived in Geneva, Switzerland. He was an older gentleman who spoke like 5 different languages and had traveled all over the world and he began to flirt with me that night. We exchanged e-mails, he even sent me post-cards from his travels, and at Christmas one year he sent my children a 5lb candy bar from Switzerland. We discussed our lives (he was going through a painful divorce, I was in an unhappy marriage), our spirituality (he studied Hinduism at the University in Benares, India), politics, literature, history, you name it…he was indeed fascinating. At one point he told me he wanted to meet me in person and was going to find himself in the states – I did not end up meeting him - he did call me on the phone though and we talked that way. Do I regret not meeting him – perhaps – but again I felt it was dangerous to meet a ‘stranger’ – I mean sure we had been talking for months – but how well can you really know someone like that – which I guess could be said about anyone in any given situation (i.e. people who are married all their lives to serial killers/rapists/child molesters and either don’t even know it or look the other way) – so perhaps my love has a point in that the Internet can be just as intimate a way of exploring a relationship.
I DID eventually end up ‘meeting’ some people (that I probably should not have) via the internet back then. I was put in some compromised positions. Situations that, when I think back on it, could have turned deadly.
Today, my take on the internet as a whole is that it dehumanizes us – it may have made the global community a little smaller, but closer (in terms of intimacy)? More compassionate? Nah – I don’t think so. How many of you out there can tell me the names of your neighbors? How many of you sit in front of a TV (or a computer) every day, for hours? To me we spend too much time ‘disconnected’ from ‘real’ life – you want to go out and meet people GO OUT! Go say hi to your neighbors, go take a class at your local college (non-credit if you like), go to your favourite place of worship, go to your local library and check out their programs, go to your local recreation centre, go to the museums, go to the zoo, JUST GO! Yeah OK, sure, you want to meet the chief technical officer for the World Health Organisation – well if you live in Peoria, IL I suppose then the Internet is your only means of doing that….but there are (I am willing to bet), just as many interesting people and potential for friendship and love right there in your own back yard.
Call me old-fashioned – I think that ‘picking people up’ on-line for romance/sex ‘whatever’ is a bad idea and that it strips the ‘event’ of all intimacy (just my humble opinion).
Our lives are busy – agreed. However, I simply feel it’s an odd way to ‘hook up’ – that’s why I always hated the idea and practice of ‘on-line’ dating – I never wanted to meet people that way, there are simply too many weirdoes out there – but then to acquiesce a bit – picking up a total stranger in a bar isn’t any better, is it???
My ‘experience’ with the internet was begun when my ex (Tony’s dad) insisted on bringing a computer into our home. I was actually AFRAID of this machine…something in me warned me it would not help our already failing relationship. My ex used to spend hours literally on the computer (instead of coming to our bed at night – NOT that we were having sex or had any intimacy between us at that point).
Finally, I got tired of it and decided to check out the computer myself. I began at first by writing – but then someone told me about the ‘Internet’ and at that time the Cleveland ‘Freenet’ which was run by CWRU. I made my foray into the ‘unknown’. I ‘met’ people (on-line), and ‘chatted’ with them – I found it to be strange and ‘otherworldly’ in some ways 'mystical' that these ‘entities’ talked to me through the ‘medium’ of the little electronic box on my credenza...
One of the first people I actually chatted with was Liam – to this day I thank Goddess I ‘met him’ but we did eventually meet in person – we’ve been like family ever since.
There were ‘chat rooms’ you could be in based on subject matter. You could create profiles about yourself – tell the people out there what you wanted them to know – or fabricate an entirely new personae – basically lie about yourself – I remember the first time I pointed this out to a young man on-line he was livid...
I was beginning to be on-line a lot – it was like having a ‘secret life’ my family did not know what I was doing or to whom I was talking. I felt a bit naughty but never did I do anything that was all that ‘dangerous’.
One night when I was chatting with Liam – someone kept ‘buzzing’ me to talk to me – he kept sending me messages in French. This sort of freaked me out a bit because he was a total stranger and I could not figure out why he’d just assume I’d know how to read French (but then I had forgotten in my ‘bio’ I had mentioned knowing how to read and write (and speak) French) – at any rate he was very persistent and began to get annoying so I excused myself from Liam and began to ‘flame’ on this guy...little did I know I was speaking to one of the head technical officers from WHO – he lived in Geneva, Switzerland. He was an older gentleman who spoke like 5 different languages and had traveled all over the world and he began to flirt with me that night. We exchanged e-mails, he even sent me post-cards from his travels, and at Christmas one year he sent my children a 5lb candy bar from Switzerland. We discussed our lives (he was going through a painful divorce, I was in an unhappy marriage), our spirituality (he studied Hinduism at the University in Benares, India), politics, literature, history, you name it…he was indeed fascinating. At one point he told me he wanted to meet me in person and was going to find himself in the states – I did not end up meeting him - he did call me on the phone though and we talked that way. Do I regret not meeting him – perhaps – but again I felt it was dangerous to meet a ‘stranger’ – I mean sure we had been talking for months – but how well can you really know someone like that – which I guess could be said about anyone in any given situation (i.e. people who are married all their lives to serial killers/rapists/child molesters and either don’t even know it or look the other way) – so perhaps my love has a point in that the Internet can be just as intimate a way of exploring a relationship.
I DID eventually end up ‘meeting’ some people (that I probably should not have) via the internet back then. I was put in some compromised positions. Situations that, when I think back on it, could have turned deadly.
Today, my take on the internet as a whole is that it dehumanizes us – it may have made the global community a little smaller, but closer (in terms of intimacy)? More compassionate? Nah – I don’t think so. How many of you out there can tell me the names of your neighbors? How many of you sit in front of a TV (or a computer) every day, for hours? To me we spend too much time ‘disconnected’ from ‘real’ life – you want to go out and meet people GO OUT! Go say hi to your neighbors, go take a class at your local college (non-credit if you like), go to your favourite place of worship, go to your local library and check out their programs, go to your local recreation centre, go to the museums, go to the zoo, JUST GO! Yeah OK, sure, you want to meet the chief technical officer for the World Health Organisation – well if you live in Peoria, IL I suppose then the Internet is your only means of doing that….but there are (I am willing to bet), just as many interesting people and potential for friendship and love right there in your own back yard.
posted by Colette at 12:31 PM
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