Sometimes, it's the Devil you know...

"I'm so happy for you..."

Or, 'You deserve every happiness...'

I get these comments from friends, family and now total strangers in regard to my new relationship...

I have to ask myself, was I THAT miserable before? I mean sure I talked to close friends and family about how hurt I was, and upset, and angry over my marriage ending and then subsequently trying to 'date'. I am sure they got tired of hearing it - hell *I* got tired of hearing myself. But strangers? Acquaintances? Co-workers? I mean was it a pall, a black cloud hanging over me? Was it really THAT noticeable?

What? Am I glowing now? *giggles* yeah...probably...

So this is love...

I think...

**********
Last night, I went trick-or-treating with Erin and the kids. The evening started as a flurry of activity and discombobulation; from there it progressed nicely. I even made some inroads with the little girl from next door who up until this point had been a little prickly and not fun to deal with at all. Of course Erin's kids were as always, a joy. I took it all in, slowly, savoring - I was quiet (too quiet apparently *ahem*)- introspective - it's not that I was not having fun - it's that I didn't have much to say...I wanted to just sort of observe, participate but in an inobtrusive sort of way - this is all still so new to me with his children - I am not sure how much I should just 'jump right in there' if you know what I mean. I felt a bit out of sorts - for reasons that I now realise had to do with 'future' events, I will expound on that shortly...

After the 'goblin run for candy' we ended up back at Erin's and watched Monty Python's 'The Holy Grail'. Erin's oldest (his son) really loves this movie and his daughter enjoyed it as well, but I am not sure she enjoyed it as much as her brother. There was a look exchanged between us at the point where in scene at 'the Castle Anthrax'; one of the ladies says: "You must give us all a good spanking, and after the spanking, the oral sex!" - definitely NOT PG-esque material, exactly. Afterwards, Erin told me he had missed that line before when watching the film - I looked at him kind of funny, cause I figured he KNEW that line was in that scene,it always has been...

It was a wonderful evening and I am glad I got a chance to participate. I am hoping to be able to do more with the children and Erin as time and the relationship progresses. We shall see I suppose.

I went home, later than I wanted to. I hate leaving him at times - but if I am going to go, then I need to get home at a decent hour. My son was not home. When he did get home he knocked on my door and asked to talk to me. I was awake so I opened the door - he had a look on his face like he was about to cry. He was in a car accident that night. I asked him why he didn't call me and he told me his dad had helped him sort it out. But he was upset obviously. He was not on the road when it happened, he hit one of his co-worker's cars in the parking lot - it was in his blind spot. He is making the kid get estimates and we will go from there. There was no damage to his car or to him. Thank God - but he was really shaken up. It did not dawn on me until this morning that the sense of being 'off-kilter'/'out of sorts' last night had something to do with this (yes there were other factors too, but I have a connection to my son that is undeniable). My son and I talked quite a bit - he is very upset. His dad has been taking him to task lately (rightly so - but a bit too little, too late if you ask me) - and I was able to talk with my son lovingly and firmly about him needing to find his 'way' and get his act together. I am very concerned about him. He is depressed, he is floundering, he needs some guidance, and I don't think he is going to accept it from either myself or his father right now. The key is to get him involved/engaged in his OWN life and give him choices. Hopefully, he will be able to illuminate his own path. All I can do is hope, and pray, and be there when he needs me.

We can help our children to a certain extent, ultimately it's up to them to live their own lives. We all have to find our own path in life - if we are lucky it's the path we are meant to be on - sometimes there's a fork in the road and you have a decision to make. The key is knowing yourself well enough to choose the right course to take.