Tuesday, December 05, 2006

'On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

..a BB-Gun to shoot down those plastic-blow-up x-mas trees..."

*giggles*

Oh stop it you hate those tacky piece-of-shit things too...you gotta admit they'd make great target practice.

Yeah but the other night when we had wind gusts of 60+ mph - I did not need that BB-Gun cause the wind had completely deflated all those blow up lawn ornaments and they looked so much like melted pools of plastic on people's lawns.

I love many of the decorations and lights of this season - just not the 'tacky, you-obviously-grew-up-in-a-trailer' ones....

********

Last night my son and I put up our tree. I wanted Erin to be around - oh well- that was not going to work out on the timing end of things this year.

The past couple of years it's been rough - last year we put up the tree but my heart wasn't in it - the year before that I could not bring myself to do it at all. This year I was bound and determined to do so without having the stress and bad feelings.

My son was hesitant cause he knows that sometimes I really struggle and since last night we had a bit of a problem by almost being stranded when his dad's car would not start - both of us were not in the best of moods.

But we did it anyhow and it was nice.

Until I got to the box that contained the Christmas ornaments from my marriage to the recent ex. One of the things we did the first year we were married was we bought the 'wedding gift' of traditional ornaments given to newlyweds for their first tree together. The ornaments are gorgeous. But when I opened that box, I began to shake and I could not bring myself to hang them on my tree. Part of me wanted to pitch them but they are worth a lot of money - they are hand blown, glass ornaments and very unusual...perhaps one of these years they will find their way on a tree of mine, or perhaps I can give them away - not to be tacky, but we should have never bought those ornaments - he always hated Christmas, the holidays and decorating the tree (I always loved it) - but, by the time we bought those ornaments, our marriage was beginning to fail...so really it was a total waste of money - yet the ornaments are really quite beautiful.

The tree this year is decorated with red and white lights (Tony's idea) and all the rest of our ornaments - it's really lovely. The compromise was that we did not listen to Christmas music (as I love to when putting up the tree) - instead we listened to Tony's choice of music. We were gentle and kind to each other - I won't say we had a good time - but we made it through. The tree looks nice and hopefully the spirit of the season will fill our house this year.

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