Re-past...post
(I am re-posting this cause I am in a weird mood and because of the last paragraph I wrote in this post...it always seemed to poignant - yeah go me...)
********
'If you can't fix it...you gotta stand it...'
You know I try, and I try and I try...
I try to be compassionate - I try to understand - I try to feel for the loss he's going through - the pain...but something inside me breaks all the time and I just can't deal with it...I want to apologise but I don't owe him an apology for anything anymore...
There's so much pain and sorrow built up in my heart and I so want to clear the air between us because it's so dark and dank - but I can never do that because he absolutely refuses to tell the truth....refuses to acknowledge what really happened and he just wants to keep plunging that ostrich head of his in the sand and hiding and I can't do it anymore - it needs to breathe - it needs the light of day...so I can crawl out from underneath the weight of it all - because in my most vulnerable moments it overtakes me and I am shaking from the burden...lost, again...
All the sadness all the fear - it clings to me and like a snake, I want to molt it off and rise away from it and become whole again - and sometimes it takes all the strength I have just to try to step away from that dead skin....
...and all the while the sentinels on the bridge watch - with their impenetrable granite countenances that show nothing, no sense of pity or compassion, just dead - dead like the weight that used to be our love...
********
'If you can't fix it...you gotta stand it...'
You know I try, and I try and I try...
I try to be compassionate - I try to understand - I try to feel for the loss he's going through - the pain...but something inside me breaks all the time and I just can't deal with it...I want to apologise but I don't owe him an apology for anything anymore...
There's so much pain and sorrow built up in my heart and I so want to clear the air between us because it's so dark and dank - but I can never do that because he absolutely refuses to tell the truth....refuses to acknowledge what really happened and he just wants to keep plunging that ostrich head of his in the sand and hiding and I can't do it anymore - it needs to breathe - it needs the light of day...so I can crawl out from underneath the weight of it all - because in my most vulnerable moments it overtakes me and I am shaking from the burden...lost, again...
All the sadness all the fear - it clings to me and like a snake, I want to molt it off and rise away from it and become whole again - and sometimes it takes all the strength I have just to try to step away from that dead skin....
...and all the while the sentinels on the bridge watch - with their impenetrable granite countenances that show nothing, no sense of pity or compassion, just dead - dead like the weight that used to be our love...
posted by Colette at 5:05 PM
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