For better, or for worse. In sickness, and in health...

Heaven help us…

Both my love and I are sick and in pain.

I caught some nasty antrax mu and passed it onto him. (LOL)

Both of us have spine issues.

We both stayed home yesterday sick.

Before I get started on this though let me say that the weekend with him was wonderful. We went to celebrate our friend Liam’s b-day at Union Station/Bounce and that was great. C2 showed up and we all got to see a show (OK so I still don’t get why people of the female gay persuasion would want to watch drag queens strut their stuff – but hey who am I?) – and then we got to dance. OMG Erin can dance – he can really dance – I have not been that in synch with someone on the dance floor (like that)in ages. Just amazing...wow – he is amazing…

So by Sunday I was beginning to not feel well at all. In fact the day remains pretty much a haze. All I know is that Erin took care of me – and I NEVER let people take care of me – when I am sick I want to be left alone. But he helped me to bed and was so kind to me and loving – despite how awful I must have looked, sounded, etc. I was up half the night miserable – I am sure I kept him up too. By Monday I could not even stand the thought of going to work. So I called in – he called in as well. We stayed in bed and slept for a while. I spent the day taking in medicine and fluids. I had to go in later that day to teach Yoga (it was an obligation I could not get out of). We ended up watching a movie together.

Unfortunately, the movie had some graphically violent scenes that completely unnerved me. I could no longer watch the movie and instead went up to his bedroom to lie on the bed, shivering. In those moments I felt so very alone and so frightened. I know this is insane – but certain violent scenes in movies do that to me – they invade my psyche – which, since I took up the study of Yoga has somewhat become super sensitive. Sure. I can watch certain violent scenes – but things like people being decapitated or cut into pieces, women being hit or abused (children too) – cause me serious problems – I end up having nightmares sometimes for weeks.

This event caused discussion between Erin and myself. Even though we seem to be so totally in love and in ‘synch’ with each other we are still learning about each other. I gave him my take on watching such things and as always he was kind, respectful and concerned.

I was still quite shaken trying to teach class and afterwards and I know it caused some friction between us and I know you all think I must be a loon – but truly I believe what we put into our bodies in ALL forms (not just food and drink – but our choice of entertainment/diversions) – can cause problems for us. Violence begets violence. Again this is MY opinion. This is ME – MY psychic landscape. I can’t judge for anyone else – just like I don’t expect people to be vegetarians because of how *I* feel. To each their own. It’s just that if I am going to be in a relationship – I want whomever I am with to know I am not going to sit and watch this kind of thing – and a lot of you might think well so what? But believe it or not this can cause problems in relationships...I just want to make sure he knows I am not trying to impose my ‘standards’ on him and likewise, I am not going to do things I can not bear to do for him. Not that he expects me to – nor would he – which is why I love him.

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Erin has been in incredible pain lately and I can’t bear to see him suffer. I am praying that the doctors can help him and that soon he will be on the mend.

Today I myself go to have my own back problem checked out. Not looking forward to this at all. The idea that I may have sciatica is scaring the hell out of me and I won’t do drugs, and surgery to me is probably not the right choice either...we shall see I suppose.

Despite all that we seem to be going through lately – every day I seem to fall more in love with Erin. He seems to feel the same way. The connection between us is so strong at times that I am not sure what to think. I worry/wonder at time about losing myself to this love – I am pretty sure we are both stronger than that though. I think that we are truly meant to be together and that we will weather all the storms life decides to throw in our path. God/dess willing.