Travelogue...

(Obviously, part of this post is prior to the happenings in PA over the death of my uncle)

My sister and I drove in to PA on Friday night. It is Saturday morning, and I have stepped outside to greet the cool morning in the valley.

After making myself a cup of java (which is too sweet) – the brand name of the coffee is ‘Smart Roast’ – and right about now I feel that my coffee’s IQ is higher than mine…

Slept OK until my 5-yr-old niece turned on the ‘brighter-than-the-sun’ bedside lamp at 7:30 AM. I just wanted to sleep more….I conveyed this to my niece by growling (loudly). I know it’s rude…still.

So now I am escaping the room for a bit and the ‘noise’ as it were (TV etc). – I love her – she is adorable…it is just a bit too early for me….

I can’t believe it’s been over 10 months since I’ve watched any significant amount of TV.

So here I sit, taking in the morning air – spring has arrived here already, the trees are full of green leaves, I am sure because the temps are warmer here – the mountains probably protect this area from the cooler climes….this is probably why I have a sinus headache…

I go back to our room…just in time for a phone call from my cousin telling us that my uncle just passed away suddenly...

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Every thing kind of became a blur at this point...

I call Erin, he offers to do whatever I need him to do….he is sweet. We realise we have to go buy something to wear for the funeral home. We are told that my aunt has not even been told her brother is now dead...so now her daughter is on her way over there to inform her in person.

We go to find a local mall. I end up purchasing dresses and toiletries. My sister does not find anything.

We head over to my aunt’s house. This was my ‘home away from home’ as a child. I remember playing here, picnics here, watching fireworks here, leaning how to do cross-stitch here, listening to my cousins records here, playing pool here, having family parties here….it is bittersweet returning to this place, because all that is left is the echo of those memories….like a long-lost song…

My aunt is doing well for being almost 90 yrs old. She is upset, very upset and I feel at a lost to comfort her….how do you comfort someone who just lost their sibling – especially when my mother died over 30 years ago (so she lost her only sister when my mother died)…so hard, so difficult, so sad seeing her suffer yet another loss.

My sister and I do our best to keep her company to entertain her – to please her by eating – yes I ended up eating a ham sandwich to make her happy and then later pizza with sausage….all because I don’t think she needed me add insult to injury by refusing her food….

My cousin shows up to ‘inform’ her mother in person – but my aunt already knows – her daughter-in-law told her over the phone….they sit and talk about the ‘injustice’ of not being notified by the actual wife and daughter of my uncle. We find out that my other uncle (the youngest of my mother’s siblings) is heading in form NYC – he had been driving in himself to see his brother when his wife stopped him on the turnpike to tell him to turn around and get her and because his brother is now dead and she wants to go to the funeral with him...

Nuts. Family stuff is nuts.

I pace a lot. We make phone calls, order flowers. Help my aunt to cope. I call Erin – he talks with me – calms me, soothes me, offers to come down. I hesitate. I go back in the house…pace more. I talk with my sister about Erin’s offer to come down. I am torn – I want him with me – but I don’t want him to go to all the trouble. My sister tells me that perhaps it’s not a bad idea, considering we don’t know how long my aunt is going to be around and he should probably meet this part of the family...

I pace more – we eat...

I end up calling Erin – to find out that he has been doing research on coming down regardless (this basically means he looked up billiards halls and was going to drive to Pittsburgh and then call me from the road to tell me he was ‘checking out a new pool hall’ – I am sure had he done this I would have hung up on him thinking him rude for calling me about a pool hall when I was mourning my uncle….)

I tell him to come down.

My sister and I leave my Aunt J and go off to find her and her daughter a dress to wear to the funeral home for the next evening. We get a call from my Aunt J’s son and are invited over to his home for later that evening for drinks and hors d’oeuvres…we are not due there until 8PM – I am hoping Erin makes it down by then. We call our other cousin to let her know we have to bow out on seeing that side of the family tomorrow because of our uncle’s passing….she also invites us to a party for that evening….(I begin to think I need to move to Pittsburgh)...

Erin arrives just as my sister was about to leave. We hug and kiss and I am at once comforted and so very much in love with him for doing this – I knew he was the kind of man I could depend on before this happened – this just confirms those feelings again.

We travel to my cousin’s house. We all talk – Erin entertains my niece (she adores him – smart child that she is...).

My family welcomes Erin – they are gracious and kind – I am grateful and happy for this – a little nervous about him meeting Aunt J - .

We spend a nice evening and then head back to the hotel. My niece wants Erin to ‘sleep with us’ we all laugh at this. My sister puts my niece down and Erin and I head out to do some shopping cause he forgot to pack PJs and I forgot to get make up – mainly cause I don’t usually wear makeup.

We get back to the room stifling our laughter for my sister and niece are asleep. We get ready for bed and snuggle in together. Part of me wishes we could have some privacy. But regardless, I am with my love, he is by my side...

I barely sleep.

Morning comes and we rise and begin to get ready to go to mass together in our old neighborhood – I am going to get to show Erin where I grew up...

We go to mass – I want to check the priest and the congregants for a pulse. Before mass we walk around my old ‘stomping grounds’ - it feels foreign and strange. After mass we go to one of the other areas I used to hang in to pick up lunchmeat and bread for lunch for my aunt.

We then go to my Aunt J’s house. We go in and kiss her and hug her and then I bring Erin forward. My aunt is practically blind but she greets Erin warmly. We hang out and talk – I show Erin around. We have lunch. Meanwhile during all of this Erin has decided in order to help keep my niece occupied he is going to ‘make butter’ – he bought a pint of heavy whipping cream and he shakes the container and has my niece do the same….by the time we sit down to lunch there is fresh butter. My aunt is amazed…he manages to get her to laugh – I fall even more in love...

I end up laying down to take a nap (I have a migraine). While I am trying to nap, I can hear Erin playing outside with my niece. So many memories come rushing at me of the times I used to be playing in the back yard with my cousins.

I get up to freshen up and not long afterwards, my uncle Donnie from NYC shows up. It is wonderful to see him again. He is sad as well. We all head to the funeral home.

We are there early and are afforded some private time for our goodbyes. I am close to my Aunt J- as she approaches the casket and she begin to sob – calling out my uncle’s name – reminiscing of the last time she saw him alive, recounting the times he would come to visit (every Tuesday), telling him he still had good years in him…I begin to cry myself – trying not to let her see me this way.

I spend the evening talking to cousins. Trying to place all the people that come to pay their respects who know me only as my mother’s daughter (this is Rose’s daughter, C – my aunt tells the elders as they press in on us to hug us). I am not my *own* person I become an extension of my past.

We stay for an hour. A priest comes and leads us in prayers...

We begin to take our leave. As I bend down to say goodbye to my Aunt J – she hugs me and kisses me and tells me that Erin ‘is a keeper’ and gives me a smile and a thumbs up – I have never in my life had my aunt do such a thing to me. Despite my sorrow, my heart is joyful.

We leave in our separate vehicles to head back to Ohio.

I get to Erin’s very late, because I had to drive all the way to my sister’s in order to pick up my car. As I enter the bedroom I see he is writing – he had been up writing me a letter.

I climb into bed beside me fiancé and thank God for him...we fall asleep.