Tracings...

...from my past.

This is a repost from 2 years ago - I don't think I did a re-post this month and this one is especially haunting.

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Tracings of memories

Trying to figure out meaning/reasons why it is so important

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It is a street. Like any other, only HE lives here now. Amidst the constant barrage of noise, crime, poverty, prostitutes, dilapidated buildings and used-up people..

He does not wonder how he got here. It's all tied up with his desires; a seemingly endless stream of them that he can't or won't control.

First came the girl, then the couples and then finally, the men. But, it was the girl that was the undoing of 'HIM'. It all swirls in his head and becomes a blur - he's hurt people because of this, people he held dear at one time. His marriage fell victim and all of his best intentions could not keep it from falling apart.

He can almost catch a glimpse of the monster - out of the corner of his mind's eye - it taunts him.

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Do we drink to remember, or, drink to forget,
or do we drink to drown our sorrows,
knowing...the tears we do cry...
traces of memories, will never really
wash our souls clean.

He pines for her, but she
has left his orbit now...
I long for someone whose heart
belongs to another - far away.

He gives me a soundtrack
to his longing, hoping, maybe
I'll grow into HER somehow...
or perhaps the secrets
hidden in our hearts are just
too much to bear, so
we only share them with
the dangerous ones...

I will transpose the songs
for you, out of my longing,
and hope, maybe this
will bring you to me.

Because I am willing to
give up - to not insist,
will I never have you?
If I never give up,
If I won't take no
for an answer, will I
finally break your resolve?
or bend you to my will?
What would be left then
of you? of me? of us?

I will take the songs
of longing from him,
about her, his memories
are secrets only he holds...
and I will give them to you -
purging myself of his sins,
that are a brand of fire
around my heart, and the
memories I create,
will linger in you
so that when
I finally do leave,
the memories will be the
tracings of MY tears