A conversation....

(..that actually took place - recorded for posterity apparently...)

I am home sick today with Anthrax Mu (gotta love Mr. Anton Wilson - may he rest in peace)...

Anyhow I was up half the night - I have (in my humble opinion and well since I happen to live in my own body more than 70% of the time I am thinking my opinion about said body's state is dead on...) bronchitis...

My chest is tight (no comments from the peanuts in the gallery), I can't really breathe and when I do I am wheezing - I have a cough that is unproductive and I am stuffed up and miserable - I feel in essence like I am dying...

So I took off work and I called my doctor's office. I did not get through to my doctor's office - instead I got put through to 'Nurse on call'...so I begin the conversation:

'Hi, my name is C...' (I regurgitate my symptoms - since I used to work in health care I know how to describe what's wrong - I then ask to be seen)

The NOC: 'Well the phone systems here are not working and that is why you got me - several doctors are on vacation so I don't know if you can be seen - however they may call something in for you - let ask you several questions....

'Are you having problems breathing?'
(duh - to which I responded yes and I told her that I had just told her I was wheezing)

'Is your tongue swollen?'
(um...if my tongue were swollen COULD I indeed have an understandable conversation?)

'Do you have a rash?'
(did I say I had a fucking rash?)

She begins giving me nursely advice - and tells me that perhaps a doctor will see me, perhaps not, and perhaps they will call something in for me - or not...

WHAT.THE.FUCK.

Look I know I am grumpy and bitchy (OK so moreso when I am sick) - but I also know I am smarter than the average bear...I know how to tick off my symptoms to both a doctor AND a nurse on call....do you think they just have a set of inane questions they ask so they can stall for time.

(Hello nurse, I am bleeding very badly from a wound what should I do? Well...is your tongue swollen?)

Fucktards...

So...needless to say I just ran out in the pouring rain to get that Mucinex-it-tastes-like-shit-so-you-won't-question-it's-effectiveness medicine as directed. And of course as Murhpy's law predicts, as I walk in the door from being out in the flood, I get a phone call saying the substitute doctor has called in antibiotics for me because they are worried this could turn into pneumonia - great - and I feel so much like shite that I don't have the strength to go back out...

That 'Calgon take me away' crap should have been Valium take me away (perhaps it was and they just couldn't advertise it...)...

Geez....