More than meets the eye...

Tug-of-war in the shape of emotions…just trying to sort them all through.

My stuff is still over and my old house (yes I blame myself mostly for this – but it’s also due to circumstances and how I am feeling about ‘invading’ Erin’s house…sure this is also on me – I don’t mean to imply he’s not be more than welcoming…)

There’s an adjustment involved here…getting married shifted things and it’s not that it changed how I feel about my love – it’s just the ‘idea’ of being married and adjusting to life as Mrs. G~.

Everything is about adjustment, change, balancing the change and not letting it interfere with equilibrium…how do we do that.

I suddenly – overnight it would seem, have become a 'step-mom' – something that there was no ‘primer’ for - other than just hanging out with the kids prior. There’s no preparing you for that responsibility when it hits you full force…

There’s the feeling that I almost became too close for my own comfort level and perhaps the best thing to do is pull back a bit and regroup...defining my boundaries, respecting theirs, as if we are all countries to be invaded or occupied...or wave a white flag to in hopes of a lasting peace.

Too complex you say? Ya think? It IS complex, delicate, and more than anything I want to be cognizant and aware - while at the same time, trying not to want to run for my life out of sheer fear that I might very well fuck everything up (again – you know...the way I ALWAYS do…)

Jesus help me…