Listening...
...to Beth Orton 'Devil Song' - some of my music collection has been largely in thanks to my ex...
Listening as well to the quiet in the house and the storm raging in my mind...
I have the house myself for a bit. Ponder, ponder, ponder...write smug sarcastic comments on the shape of politics and mourn my failing body.
Anyhow...
I've been easing into this new life..trying to embrace everything at times without too much trouble - sometimes like I have just skinned my knees...
I long for all the adventure and newness of the love, while at the same time wanting to establish the familiar and have patterns and traditions that I can recognize and be comfy with...but deep down I am not that way...deep down, I crave change, excitement.
I get too fucking restless too easily and I always have and I probably always will. As patterns become familiar...I tend to want to shake things up like so many little plastic pieces in a snow globe....
I am thankful because my husband is wonderful and amazing...(case in point - today he walked in the pouring rain to surprise me by showing up on my doorstep at work - and of course wowed all the women there). I am thankful as well that the kids have 'taken to me' and seem to love me and that's great. But of course I hold my breath, not because I don't welcome the wonderful-ness of all of this but because I want to make sure I am ever cognizant and nurturing...yeah balance - a precarious thing at best.
I wonder about marriage and relationships (as ever - did that really stop for me?). What happens to us? We fall in love and there's the mad rush - the passion - the 'newness'. We court, we impress each other, we make love swinging on the chandelier....and then we 'settle down'. I am not suggesting the magic always fades or goes away...but to some extent, it evolves (or de-evolves)/morphs into something else....something we can't always wrap our minds around and even recognize.
We all know - it's work - pure and simple. We know as well that life intrudes, stressors come into play and before you know it, you are snapping at each other, going to bed in flannel PJs, and becoming couch potatoes - or worse apathetic.
What I love about what I have going on is even when those things DO happen (we don't have the flannel thing or the couch potato thing going on) - we talk, we re-connect, we try. That alone I think is going to be the saving grace of this marriage.
That is not to say I don't still long for the days of yore (or something kinky and new every once in a while)...the difference is that I know deep down this marriage is worth working at and keeping fresh.
So for those of you out there rooting for us - or love in general - thanks.
For those of you out there hoping for disintegration and failure (and you know who you are Mr. Ken Y~ (for one - and could you stay off the blog for the last time? Do you actually HAVE a life?) - kiss my fucking ass and go buy yourself a life (or something resembling one) or a prostitute whichever you can easily afford.
Listening as well to the quiet in the house and the storm raging in my mind...
I have the house myself for a bit. Ponder, ponder, ponder...write smug sarcastic comments on the shape of politics and mourn my failing body.
Anyhow...
I've been easing into this new life..trying to embrace everything at times without too much trouble - sometimes like I have just skinned my knees...
I long for all the adventure and newness of the love, while at the same time wanting to establish the familiar and have patterns and traditions that I can recognize and be comfy with...but deep down I am not that way...deep down, I crave change, excitement.
I get too fucking restless too easily and I always have and I probably always will. As patterns become familiar...I tend to want to shake things up like so many little plastic pieces in a snow globe....
I am thankful because my husband is wonderful and amazing...(case in point - today he walked in the pouring rain to surprise me by showing up on my doorstep at work - and of course wowed all the women there). I am thankful as well that the kids have 'taken to me' and seem to love me and that's great. But of course I hold my breath, not because I don't welcome the wonderful-ness of all of this but because I want to make sure I am ever cognizant and nurturing...yeah balance - a precarious thing at best.
I wonder about marriage and relationships (as ever - did that really stop for me?). What happens to us? We fall in love and there's the mad rush - the passion - the 'newness'. We court, we impress each other, we make love swinging on the chandelier....and then we 'settle down'. I am not suggesting the magic always fades or goes away...but to some extent, it evolves (or de-evolves)/morphs into something else....something we can't always wrap our minds around and even recognize.
We all know - it's work - pure and simple. We know as well that life intrudes, stressors come into play and before you know it, you are snapping at each other, going to bed in flannel PJs, and becoming couch potatoes - or worse apathetic.
What I love about what I have going on is even when those things DO happen (we don't have the flannel thing or the couch potato thing going on) - we talk, we re-connect, we try. That alone I think is going to be the saving grace of this marriage.
That is not to say I don't still long for the days of yore (or something kinky and new every once in a while)...the difference is that I know deep down this marriage is worth working at and keeping fresh.
So for those of you out there rooting for us - or love in general - thanks.
For those of you out there hoping for disintegration and failure (and you know who you are Mr. Ken Y~ (for one - and could you stay off the blog for the last time? Do you actually HAVE a life?) - kiss my fucking ass and go buy yourself a life (or something resembling one) or a prostitute whichever you can easily afford.
Labels: Life. Love, Reflections
posted by Colette at 6:54 PM
3 Comments:
Strange isn't it, when we aren't in a relationship we wish we were, and sometimes when we ARE in a relationship we yearn for the days of singlehood?
Somehow the grass always looks greener on the side of the fence we AREN'T on.
It's been a miracle to witness you going from a woman in a relationship to a man she never should have trusted, to a woman so in love that it inspires others.
Be happy with what is around you, try to look at it with new eyes and find the wonder again. Life only becomes stale and boring when we allow it to!
Speaking of chandeliers. We need to replace the broken one in the dining room.
This one should be strong enough.
http://images.lowes.com/product/736916/736916244428.jpg
...umm...er...I mean...This one might look good. (*wink*)
Liam,
As always you are very wise - I am saddned by what happened in my past with a man I was madly in love with and to be honest we were both responsible for the failures(s) - but then if I had not gone through that experience, I would not be with my love now and I am so much happier and healthier now. I can say as well that I certainly don't long for the days of being single...
My love,
(*BLUSHES*) yes darling whatever you think about replacing the chandelier is fine with me....
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