My Love

It's been a while since I've written about how much I am (STILL) enamored with My Love - SirErin.

We still connect in ways that at times takes my breath away.

I am still just as smitten with him.

I am still amazed that he chose me to be his wife - HIS WIFE.

And perhaps, that is the most important thing of all...I am HIS wife and he is MY husband. To me, and this is sad, as never before, this relationship transcends all the mundane bullshit the world chooses to throw my way and makes me realise just how lucky I really am.

I love you Erin - with all my heart.

Always,
C~

Life....

To the tune of ‘Losing My religion’ – c’mon kids – sing it with me!

‘I’m losing my appendix...keeping my table of contents...’

LOL

Have I told you lately how much I love Erin?

Yes last week I was down with some sort of stomach thing…doubled over, writhing in pain - after missing 3 days of work I had to get to the doctor – she did an exam and told me it was one of two things – a viral intestinal thing….OR – appendicitis – freaked me right out. She gave me an excuse for missing work and wanted me to take one more day off. Just to ‘keep an eye on things’. I have, still no appendicitis – but my wonderful husband made a joke out of it by saying that even though I was losing my appendix, I’d still have my table of contents.

I adore this guy. He has a way of cheering me up that is just so ‘right there’.

Meanwhile the stomach is still a mess – and I am not sure what the hell to do. Some of the girls at work informed me that your appendix can take sometimes weeks to finally get taken out. So now I am wondering if I should insist on an U/S or something just to see what the hell is going on. I have not been eating a lot – yet unfortunately not losing weight either…WTF? The least I could do is be thinner (LOL)

**********
And speaking of my one and only love – we are coming up on our 1 year anniversary of our wedding.

This has been quite a year. We’ve had many challenges and triumphs and we are still madly and passionately in love with each other. I am so excited still, about being with Erin and I am so happy to be his wife. I look forward to being with him every day and God willing we will be together for many, many more anniversaries to come.

Updates...updates...updates...

Been really busy.

I keep meaning to write...but then...

I've been *really* busy.

Lots going on....life, work, love, kids.

Work is good, fun, productive, challenging - I am really enjoying this - it is at times difficult but then that's OK. Better than being numb/brain dead.

My health is taking a nose dive it seems - not sure what the f~ is up with that - I will pray that it's not something dire...and if it is...well I guess what choice do we ever have but to live through it, with it, make peace somehow...or not, I suppose...not to wax philosophical or anything quite so profound...

Love...love is sweet, intense, becoming a staple of my daily existence, yet it is transcendent of all of 'it' as well...this love goes on, ebbing and flowing like the cycles of the moon - as it is wont to do...

For my Christmas present, Erin got us a copy of the movie 'Fireproof' - we watched it together - we have the book to that the movie is based on. While this movie will never win any acting or film awards...it's message is wonderful/hopeful and I recommend it to every couple considering marriage as well as those already in the thick of things. Erin and I have hit some really rough patches and we've managed to weather them - but only because we both realize just how important this commitment is and how much we really love one another - but sometimes - that isn't enough. Sometimes...you need more...call it 'outside reinforcement' - call it Providence - call it fate...I usually call it God/dess because as you all know I believe there is a female counterpart to God...and without Yin how can there be Yang? Erin and I are also going on a marriage encounter weekend and I am really looking forward to becoming even closer to him on this our Valentine's Day celebration...

Kid - are well kids...but again they pose their own special set of challenges. My recent rant about the school system hits close to home and I can not tell you how disgusted I am with the way things are being handled. How parents (at least ones that are truly concerned) manage to do this without drowning or slitting their wrists is beyond me. I personally think that education is the pathway to enlightenment and the best deterrent to ignorance...but the RIGHT kind of education - and that does not seem to even exist - or if it does - it's rather costly...unless you end up somehow managing to be 'self-taught' and at the same time you become a student of 'life' itself...street smart combined with book learned - if that makes any sense....

I just hope that there is light at the end of some of these tunnels - or at least not a train coming at us full speed ahead....

Meanwhile - I can feel the spring coming faster this year than it has ever seemed to before...or is that just the sound of me getting older and my own life getting yet shorter?

Peace to you all mes amis.

'The Interview with God' - A re-post

I decided to be a snot and type in just the phrase:'Colette's Grave'...

I found that *I* was the FIRST listing posted on Google NOT the actual info that would tell you about THE Colette's Grave (*checks ego*)....

*ahem*

Then I came across something that humbled me and I decided to re-post my 'original' post (verbiage below) about this powerful notion - not only of the comfort in the idea of 'talking to God' - but of the ideal of hope when everything seems hopeless; and let's just say that lately, in my own life, and in the universe to a certain extent, things have seemed rather hopeless and bleak.

Thus, this is MY personal reminder, to shut the fuck up and listen and remember who I am and where I've been and where I want to go...

*******

Amidst all the darkness, all the sorrow that has visited me lately - I found this posted on a blog where I now have the honour of being mentioned. Brewed Fresh Daily - a blog about NE Ohio (http://www.brewedfreshdaily.com ). This was one of the recent posts there...

The reason why *I* decided to post this myself is because last year, right before the holiday season, when I was 'finding out' about what my husband had done to me - to us - to himself - to our marriage, a friend of mine (and a Yoga student of mine) sent me this link...I have now come full circle to that, and so I have put this up to remind myself and all of you out there - all the people I love, all the people I have problems loving, and everyone in between - that there is hope. There is always hope. There is always love and kindness deep within each of us - we just have to know where to look for it. And while I don't want to get cheesy or corny I felt that this link conveys that message beautifully. I will post more later - but I want you all to think about this message from this link.

Be thankful. As a friend of mine said to me recently; paraphrasing a 'prayer' he had heard - we should be thankful not only for what we are given, but for what has been taken from us as well. It's all an opportunity for learning, for healing, for forgiveness, and most of all for grace. May you all find the grace in your lives that will help you to live each day you have here on this earth to the fullest. You are exactly where you need to be right now.

My love to you all,
Colette

Listening...

...to Beth Orton 'Devil Song' - some of my music collection has been largely in thanks to my ex...

Listening as well to the quiet in the house and the storm raging in my mind...

I have the house myself for a bit. Ponder, ponder, ponder...write smug sarcastic comments on the shape of politics and mourn my failing body.

Anyhow...

I've been easing into this new life..trying to embrace everything at times without too much trouble - sometimes like I have just skinned my knees...

I long for all the adventure and newness of the love, while at the same time wanting to establish the familiar and have patterns and traditions that I can recognize and be comfy with...but deep down I am not that way...deep down, I crave change, excitement.

I get too fucking restless too easily and I always have and I probably always will. As patterns become familiar...I tend to want to shake things up like so many little plastic pieces in a snow globe....

I am thankful because my husband is wonderful and amazing...(case in point - today he walked in the pouring rain to surprise me by showing up on my doorstep at work - and of course wowed all the women there). I am thankful as well that the kids have 'taken to me' and seem to love me and that's great. But of course I hold my breath, not because I don't welcome the wonderful-ness of all of this but because I want to make sure I am ever cognizant and nurturing...yeah balance - a precarious thing at best.

I wonder about marriage and relationships (as ever - did that really stop for me?). What happens to us? We fall in love and there's the mad rush - the passion - the 'newness'. We court, we impress each other, we make love swinging on the chandelier....and then we 'settle down'. I am not suggesting the magic always fades or goes away...but to some extent, it evolves (or de-evolves)/morphs into something else....something we can't always wrap our minds around and even recognize.

We all know - it's work - pure and simple. We know as well that life intrudes, stressors come into play and before you know it, you are snapping at each other, going to bed in flannel PJs, and becoming couch potatoes - or worse apathetic.

What I love about what I have going on is even when those things DO happen (we don't have the flannel thing or the couch potato thing going on) - we talk, we re-connect, we try. That alone I think is going to be the saving grace of this marriage.

That is not to say I don't still long for the days of yore (or something kinky and new every once in a while)...the difference is that I know deep down this marriage is worth working at and keeping fresh.

So for those of you out there rooting for us - or love in general - thanks.

For those of you out there hoping for disintegration and failure (and you know who you are Mr. Ken Y~ (for one - and could you stay off the blog for the last time? Do you actually HAVE a life?) - kiss my fucking ass and go buy yourself a life (or something resembling one) or a prostitute whichever you can easily afford.

'Accidents...'

The weekend was wonderful. I am so very much in love. We've both been struggling lately and this weekend was much needed.

We began by going out to dinner and then a movie at one of my favourite places, The Cedar Lee

We saw Elegy with Ben Kingsley and Penelope Cruz. I am a huge fan of Sir Kingsley. The move was sublime and intimate. Well done. By all means go see this film.



The next morning we slept in a bit and then did chores - mainly cleaned house and then we spent the afternoon on a wonderful, adventurous shopping spree at an Asian store and the a Whole Foods store.

I also shared a movie with Erin this weekend which he had never seen. Tom Hanks in 'The Ladykillers' - a hysterical and utterly delightful film.



On Sunday we had friends over. Throughout the weekend we had shared intimate moments, and this time we managed to overcook the potatoes for the potato salad which was being served to our guests (ooops, I probably should not have mentioned that one *blush*) - nor the fact that we were in the kitchen whilst the potatoes were overcooking...

Monday, we were going to go see Erin's dad - so we did some canning that morning (peaches and I have never canned before), and since we had left-over syrup for the peaches, we decided to cook it longer and add spices in order to make peach-flavoured pancake syrup - unfortunately we went upstairs to take a shower together and an accident took place, we made candy instead. I think for the future safety of our food we need to not be intimate while we are cooking (*giggles*)...

SO that was my wild, wonderful, lovely weekend with my beloved. No matter how many difficulties we seem to face, no matter how much we may bicker or be stressed or out of sorts with each other, we still come back to the basic tenent that we love one another - I would not have my life or my love any other way.

Here's to more cooking accidents M'Love.

Suddenly it just hits you...

...like a hurricane....

Thoughts, mumbly-pegs, fragments of consciousness..streaming in and out...

********

I am tyring to detox my body (unsuccessfully I might add)...and sometimes I think that your body just doesn't WANT to listen...sometimes your body has a mind of it's own (LOL no pun intended)...like how can I be a writer, calling myself by the nom de plume, Colette, and NOT have a chocolate croissant and coffee with a hint of cinnamon for my breakfast (shit if i was living in Paris, I'd have a cigarette too...)...

And, it's not that I think my body is betraying me...perhaps my body feels it NEEDS this stuff (no, I am not trying to 'lie' to myself...)sometimes I think we have a tendency to go overboard with change - we don't take it slowly so it will last...we just rush in and want to throw out babies with bathwater...

*******

My compassion is cutting me like a razor-sharp knife. I see people suffering and I just want to cry - like one of our dear friends (and part of the problem is that he looks so much like my son - but the other part is that I have been where he is right now on an oh-so-intimate level that my heart is literally breaking for him and I just want to hold him and comfort him (like a mom would) and tell him it will all be OK...but in all honesty I don't know that it will)...

Like the woman as I was walking from the bus-stop to work this morning in her wheel chair and I can tell she is homeless and mentally ill and she is calling out to the passersby (who are mainly ignoring her) - to get moving before it storms...and I want to find her shelter and help her...

These things leave me shattered, hurting, aching because I feel I should be doing something about it (like yesterday when I gave a woman $5 cause she told me she needed bus fare - but in all reality probably didn't)....

********

When I boot up my lap-top every morning at work, the first thing that greets me is the picture of Erin and I kissing as husband and wife for the first time...I spent most of this morning relating our love story to one of our co-workers and I think about our 'story' and suddenly the struggles we've been having seem so far away.

They say that the first year of marriage is one of the hardest and I agree - not because you don't love one another but because you are trying to adjust, to find that ever-elusive balance with one another. You go from being madly, passionately in love to the 'business' of householding (not that we are not madly in love). I often point out that life has a nasty way of intruding. Between truly stressful job situations, (which I think is frankly killing both of us and not leaving us the ability to be light-hearted and fun these days..I am worried about him and it shows) and just the day-to-day mundane crap - sometimes things get lost...

So, when I get to recount how we met, fell in love, and our journey from that point, it warms my heart and reminds me why we got married and why it's all so important and just how much I really love my husband.

********

Life, is such a jumble sometimes...and no matter how much we want to tame it, control it, bend it to our whims...things just don't work that way...sometimes you just have to let go and yes, let God/Dess...

In sickness and in health

I am here writing whilst my love is upstairs sleeping cause he is not feeling well.

I adore Erin - we have grown closer over the past couple of days - and I have been thoroughly enjoying our life together. For instance, we went to the West-side Market and had and blast, came home and made love (and it was wonderful as it always is), and then we went shopping together. Nice - it was just so nice to be with Erin and well...live our life together. Even the 'ordinary' and mundane tasks become special because I get to be with Erin.



Through love, life, troubles and joys I want to be with him.

The other night we watched 'Blood Diamond'



...an excellent though brutal movie about the 'diamond wars' - I don't like violence we already know this - but in the context of this story it's essential - perhaps it may make you sit up and pay attention - or perhaps you may feel a bit hopeless (I am sort of in this stage) - insomuch as what can we possibly do to stop such senseless brutality and does our paying attention make a damn bit of difference when the powers that be and the 'monied' in the world don't give a flying fuck - I have to hope against hope that what we do DOES make a difference, otherwise what's the point of trying to live a self-examined, purposeful life?

Which in turn, again, leads me back full circle to my love with Erin, which helps lend even more meaning to my life; how we feel about each other, how we treat each other, the conversations we have, the convictions that we share, has me even more convinced that this is meant to be.

"You had me (from) at...

Flux".

Yeah inside joke.

Last night, Erin and I found 'our' song. It will be the song that we first dance to at our wedding reception.

We picked out our reception music. We laughed and we cried (tears of joy).

There's a lot going on in my life right now - that of familial concerns, work crap, nervousness over getting married (not hesitation - just wanting to get things done and completed and then relax but it always seems that 'planning' goes on ad nauseum until the day of the event...). Details to be worked out and finalized....

Regardless I am STILL madly, passionately, in love with Erin and I plan to be for the rest of my days...he is my Knight in Shining Armor, he is my hope, he is my joy, he is my dawn, my twilight, my midnight...he is all that he is meant to be and all that ever will be...forever.

I know we love each other deeply and I am thankful for all the blessings we share.

Lost weekend...

(yeah I wish...)

Anyhow, Erin is away at the Men's renewal this weekend. I helped to write letters (for the men and got letters written to Erin as well), and last night, I went with him to help set-up (although there was not much set up involved).

What was wonderful was that despite some of the stresses we've been under lately, we did this together and willingly. Last night I think was very special to us both. I love this man with all my heart and I want to partner with him through life....

Today I got up for a little while to be with him this morning - but then retired back to bed (it was 6:30AM) - I slept until noon (*GASP* - shut the hell up!) - but mainly to try to get rid of this headache.

Today I plan on playing as much as I can....doing some shopping, going out tonight with the boys (Liam, Chris, and Ken and assorted others) and dancing.

Tomorrow, Erin is home and will be leaving to go out of town again Monday morning and I will miss him something fierce. When he gets back we will finish up prep for our wedding together. I will look forward to working with him on our wedding.

I love you, Erin - I am so glad I get to be your wife.

Speaking of....

...birthdays...

I have a lot planned for the weekend.

Last night my sister and I met and she bought me dinner for my birthday - it was fun getting together and I wish we lived closer to one another.

Tonight my son's band is playing at the Beachland Ballroom here in C-town. Can't wait to see him - I am very proud of him for having the guts to get up on stage and this has to be the best b-day gift I could get - seeing him realise his dreams.

Tomorrow (UGH!) I have to go to work - but afterwards I plan to spend part of the afternoon with Erin (perhaps shopping) and then off to Hudson, OH to meet some of my favourite people for dinner and then a concert featuring Medieval/Celtic music at St. Mary's church.

Sunday - the actual DAY - I'd like nothing more than to sleep in - but instead I am going to go to mass early with Erin so I can spend as much of the day as possible with him. Afterwards, I am not sure, brunch maybe - more shopping? Who can say....but as long as I get to be with my love it's all good.

I hope you all have a glorious weekend.

XO

Colette

Despite...

....that last rant...

The snow is so beautiful....I am here writing, having a cup of coffee, my love is in the kitchen making brioche (yes I said BRIOCHE - which was what he made for me the morning after we first slept together).....we are listening to Celtic music ('Fire in the Kitchen') - we will soon go and take a shower together, eat the brioche and go out and play in the snow together.

I love this part of our lives...I love Erin.

There and back again

This time with a big difference...

My love came with me. Erin, myself and the kids went to Michigan for a 'family' visit.

The kids spent the first night with grandma and Erin and I got some much needed 'US' time - it was nice, we were up 'till 3AM - something we haven't done in a while.

We spent time visiting with my daughter - it was wonderful and the kids are adorable. My daughter and I had fun and got to spend time alone shopping and my love was gracious enough to be our chauffeur (thank you darling). Unfortunately, seeing her only makes me miss her and the kids all the more and wish that they lived closer...

It was nice seeing Erin's mom too - and the nicest part of that was her telling me how happy she was that Erin had 'found me' (I personally think we found each other), because of how much she could tell that the kids loved me - this is high praise and I was thrilled to hear this from his mom.

I wish we could make these trips more often - perhaps after we get married - this is going to be a very hectic spring for us...

*****

We got back home and both of us fell ill....blargh....

We did however get to sit around and watch one of my all-time favourite (albeit sad) movies:



...but the best part is being able to snuggle and be with Erin - in sickness and in health...

^_^

Resonance and Dischord

Wrestling with demons in the form of angels....

I don't want to reflect on what I did or did not get for Christmas (save a couple of items)...

The true gift is that of family, kinship, and love.

One of the gifts that was given me (from you-know-who of course) was a book of essays by Anais Nin. She is an author I've long identified with - this is the reason why her books (most of which I've lost due to a cat that has now passed away - another story) are on my 'wish list'...

Ms. Nin was a woman so in touch with who she was that she dared to do as she pleased - not without regard for consequence - but she remained true to herself...and she carved her niche. She made her choices with a symphony of mind and heart, body and soul - in a mainly male dominated literary world.

In one of her essays, she talks about director Igmar Bergman. She give astonishing insight into the workings of his genius mind and lays bare the essence of desire, personified in his films.

Her writings as well about how she herself lived her life strike a resonant chord within me.

She discusses how difficult it is to embrace fully ALL the 'parts' of ourselves. Not just the 'public' face but the dark 'one', hidden in the recesses that perhaps only those closest - or perhaps no one but our selves ever see - the subterranean depths of our 'other'.

As a woman, I believe at least for me, the struggle - the battle if you will - takes place on many levels.

Women (most of us) are taught from an early age to be good girls, ladies, dutiful wives and mothers, teachers, cooks, house-keepers, keepers of the faith.

Whereas, it would seem that boys are taught to be rougher, forthright, aggressive, strong, confident, conquerors...

I was shy and reticent as a little girl but soon, I grew rebellious, I longed for 'experience' and knowledge. I had a thirst; I wanted to be like the 'boys'. My sexuality charged, I somewhat recognised its power - unfortunately, and all too often, I'd pick the wrong man to lavish this on and my 'power' would be used against me...

Coming into my own took me decades of abusive relationships, failed marriages and broken/splintered families - the human cost its own form of reckoning. Yet I became ME...

Now, I often find myself torn between many 'selves'. The things I think - being observant/a psychological 'voyeur' of human nature - these edicts have a way of making it to my lips and are uttered before I sometimes even realise - hurting the one man I've come to love more than anyone who has come before. I am left feeling awful - but how do I reconcile my true nature with that of the rebel, the sarcastic bitch, the explorer, the modern-day courtesan/taker of lovers - with the 'good wife/mother', kind and lady-like creature that also lives within this mortal coil?

Almost without reason, involuntarily, my other 'side' rails at times to get out! Break Free! And I sense a certain entrapment - yet I fear the letting go - for unleashing the 'other woman' might very well cost me all that I hold dear.

I look within for the key, the clues that might help me to tame my more wayward self - while still keeping the passion that seems to live at the very core of my being alive - a passion that hungers and yearns - it seems to just take on a different aspect...

Can I be fulfilled as a woman with one 'true' love? Will my restless nature be able to settle down now that its uncovered the well-spring of love? Can I brave the true freedom of allowing myself to be possessed by HIM - to truly become as 'one' together?

I want to believe that this love is the culmination of all that I have been working towards that this IS my 'Grail'.

I don't want to permit fear of the unknown, of it 'not working out', the trepidation of my own insecurities and inadequacies to hold me hostage - what's the alternative - Life alone? The quest for another lover who 'gets me'?

Is the key having a lover who embodies all that I need - he's the 'bad boy', the 'white knight', the clandestine lover all rolled into one?

And on HIS end (I can't speak for him) - will he be patient enough, will he allow my 'coltishness, my coquettish ways? Will he be able to conquer his own fears and demons and recognise that I am not perfect - will he be smart enough to not put me on a pedestal, yet still respect me and want to cherish and uplift me? Will he be able to stay true - to not stray? Will he be satisfied and happy and really want to 'settle down'?

There seems to be no shortage of 'thought landmines' in my head.

My heart is full of love. My body aches for him, my arms long to hold him, pull him close to me; my lips hunger for his kisses. I want him with everything that I am and will become. He quenches my spirit in so many ways and I know that even if (Goddess forbid) this relationship crashes and burns, it will still have been the greatest love of my lifetime...

Life....and living....

I look back over all that has happened in the past year.

I have fallen more deeply in love than I ever thought possible. I have had the pleasure of getting to know 2 amazing children and am privileged to have them as a part of my life now. I have strengthened my faith. I have grown closer to my family (siblings and children). I have had some great times with friends and know that I yearn to be with them more. I have watched my Yoga 'work' slowly, steadily decline. I have had to pay dearly for being a 'writer' here and for being honest, and subsequently have lost my job. (Freedom of speech is a myth kids)....

Now...

I have been asked to teach at a new growing Yoga studio working with a man who really wants the business to succeed.

I have had some promising leads on the job front.

Today. We put of the Christmas tree at Erin's house - it was bitter-sweet for me cause I missed my son and my daughter. I have had some really close moments with Erin this weekend..and I feel like a part of this family.

The Christmas shopping has commenced and I am trying to buy things for my family and my love on a very, very limited basis and I feel terrible about this because one of my greatest joys at this time of the year is to give gifts.

I will be baking cookies next weekend with my sister, my niece, Erin and hopefully his children.

I may even have time around the Christmas holiday 'off' for the first time in years...a mixed blessing.

I am so looking forward to the coming year and growing even closer to Erin and building our love and our commitment to each other - culminating in a wedding ceremony with friends and family, (and honeymoon) this summer.

I feel a lot of emotions - a bit of fear, joy, contentment, excitement, and hope.

Life is good.

The weekend was....

...in a word, perfect.

{Note to Derrick: 5 times - is that enough? (are we in a competition now? If so I thin Erin and I win hands down but then I am biased.[*winks*])}


Seriously though. I love being with Erin - I love our life together. I love that we are in love with each other.

Friday was nice being back with the kids again. Saturday was spent cleaning and cooking and going to my family's 'Italian nite' which was wonderful - except I was beat near the end of the evening. [Note to C2: we are sorry we did not make the party but the timing just did not work out (we were in fact invited to ANOTHER party as well and would have liked to have gone to that....but yeah....timing.)]

We got a lot done on Saturday....

Sunday we went to mass, did some shopping and then came home and vegged out by watching movies.

The first one was:



It IS smart and sexy - and well I would certainly like to 'replay' the one scene in the film with Erin (I will leave you all guessing) (Note to Erin: the movie made me feel invigorated too - like doing things - especially together - not necessarily involving becoming assassins....LOL)- and as far as anything else - I want Angelina's Jolie's outfits from the movie (yes even the dominatrix one - please Santa, pretty please - I'll be a naughty girl (LOL)).

The second movie:




This film is base on Wim Wender's 'Wings of Desire' which I always felt was the better movie, however, 'City of Angels' is more cohesive. And yes my love I'd fall for you as well (I too already have it would seem...) and as Seth put it in the movie in his answer to Casiell: "I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it." - I feel the exact same way about you - but then I told you that last night...

Anyhow I know most of you are probably sick of the mushy stuff by now (I for one never tire of this).

Send me your good thoughts and keep me in your prayers - I could use an angel right about now....

Bright Blessings to you and yours...

C~

Days of Our Lives...

Just kind of updating….

Work sucks – pure and simple – love my job (well the purpose of the job, the ‘spirit of the job’) – can’t stand the worker bees or the institutional setting….

I am growing tired of ‘pushing’ Yoga at work when no one wants to get behind the program. I am seriously thinking of just ‘quitting’ Yoga at work and branching out into the public sector.

Speaking of Yoga it had been forever since I went to visit my old Yoga teacher – I had been wanting to take Erin with me but the opportunity never presented itself. Last night I was able to do both – it did not look like Erin was going to be able to go but it turned out, thanks to a nice neighbor he was able to secure babysitting for the kids. The Yoga school is quite a drive from where we live and what with rush hour traffic, the drive was stressful – but arrive we did and on time.

My Yoga teacher entered the room and greeted me warmly. One of the other old-time students had already noticed me and we talked briefly. The session was not his normal ‘kick-ass-take-no-prisoners’ class but it was still wonderful and wow am I out of shape! At the beginning of class my teacher always asks about new-comers Erin told him that he had practiced Yoga before when my teacher asked what kind – Erin told him, ‘Whatever C~ teaches me – my teacher laughed and said that was great. Erin did well (but then that was a given). Afterwards I took Erin by the hand and brought him to my teacher. My teacher gave me a huge hug and told me how good I looked and how nice it was to see me again; asked after my own teaching efforts. I introduced Erin as my fiancé and my teacher beamed and said that obviously I was more than just his Yoga teacher. He asked how we met. We both looked at each other and laughed and Erin told him we met through my ex husband. My teacher smiled – patted Erin on the shoulder and said: ‘Wasn’t he a dummy?’ It was not a malicious comment – there was no meanness to what he said. Erin laughed gently and said he agreed. Meanwhile I felt elated…..

I was sore last night but today I feel wonderful. I need to find a local Yoga class and go work more often.

Today, as I was getting my coffee at Au Bon Pain – the guy that always hit son me came up to me and asked about the ring on my left hand. I told him it was an engagement ring. He looked at me funny and said: ‘I wish I would have gotten happy with you before that bum came into your life’. I said: ‘He is not a bum and you had your chance.’ He smiled and I left to pay…

Yeah life is weird, wonderful, wild….as always, I am amazed.

Sexy Tractors, Manor Mosquitoes, and a Piano...

(LOL don't you just hate titles like this?)

So....

This weekend my love and I decided to go to Punderson State Park - have much needed get-away and do some camping.

Unfortunately, it rained for several days (yep we needed to build an Ark) before we went - I really did not want to go due to the weather. But go we did and it was wonderful...well pretty much.

The night we arrived, we ate at the lovely 'Manor' outside. The food was excellent the 'live' entertainment - well let's just say we wish him dead (sorry did *I* just type that?). Anyhow he did a version of the song 'She thinks my tractor's sexy' (a KennyChesny song) and I was about to go through the roof. However, poetic justice was served (a dish best eaten cold) when the plug on his equipment was pulled (by some little girl) while he was doing Bono (U2's) song 'One'. The guy was rather upset and said something to the affect of bringing his generator 'the next time' to which Erin asked: 'Why is it going to generate better music' - I nearly peed my pants laughing - but I don't think this guy heard....that's OK...Note to self: never go for the 'live entertainment' on Friday nights in the summers..)

We set up camp - had a camp fire and retired for the evening. It was great.

The next morning we got up - cooked over the campfire, spent the day riding our bikes and because it had ained (and indeed rained while we were there), I was nearly eaten alive by mosquitoes. I have sustained approximately 40 bites. Ah the joys of camping. One wonderful thing did come out of Saturday though, we got to talk to one of the sales managers up at the 'manor' about hosting a reception there and it proved to be our best idea yet. This will be the perfect place for us to have our celebration after our wedding ceremony - I can't wait. I am so excited.

Saturday night (after me being a bit grumpy) - we made love in our tent and then took a walk out under a full moon - we were up until close to 4AM.

Sunday we woke up and broke camp and headed home.

Sunday afternoon we put stuff away, did laundry and finally in the evening cuddled together and watched the movie 'The Piano'



The movie has always been one of my favs and the soundtrack is haunting - Holly Hunter did an amazing job in her role.

At any rate - blissful as usual that I have someone to share all this wonders with - I will leave all to your lives whilst I go itch my skin off in private.

XOXO

Colette

Romance...

(Now listening to: Goldfrapp: 'Ooh La La') *wicked grin*


It’s been a while since I’ve described a ‘date’ between my love and I – I talk about Erin all the time. But what with our lives being hectic what-have-you I don’t always discuss the fact that we actually still ‘date’ each other – even though I have a ring on my finger…even though most of my time is spent with him…we still ‘romance’ each other.

Yesterday, I suggested a romantic picnic dinner. (Tuesday nights he does not have his children).

So my love in his usual amazing fashion put together a romantic picnic. He set up the yard with a canopy to sit under. He put together a menu. He got a bottle of Beaujolais

Of course because the weather gods keep track of our e-mails and saw we wanted to do something outside it poured yesterday – I swear we are going to have to invent a secret code word for picnic cause every time I suggest one it seems to rain or we have inclement weather – this is worrisome mainly because we are planning a picnic as our reception.

At any rate, here’s the menu (Note: other than the frittata the recipes below are just ones I grabbed off the information super-highway):

Bread with sun-dried tomato spread
(Just get some bread and slice it up – or get sliced bread and get some sun-dried tomato spread – found in your gourmet isle).

Chicken-stuffed mushroom caps
(an example of one such recipe is HERE - this was not the one my love used)

Picnic Zucchini Frittata
Serves 2

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 clove garlic, minced
½ lb zucchini, sliced into 1/8-inch rounds
4 eggs
2 tablespoons milk
¼ teaspoon dried oregano and salt
Dash of pepper
1½ tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
¼ cup green onions, sliced
½ small can (2 1/4 ounce can) of sliced ripe olives, drained

In a small frying pan with an oven-proof handle, heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil over medium-high heat. When oil is hot, add garlic and zucchini; cook, stirring occasionally, until zucchini is tender. Remove from heat. In a bowl, lightly beat eggs and milk. Stir in oregano, salt, pepper, cheese, onions, olives, and zucchini mixture. Add the remaining tablespoon of olive oil to pan; place over medium heat. When oil is hot, pour in egg mixture and cook without stirring. As egg mixture begins to set, lift edges with a spatula and tilt pan to allow uncooked egg to flow underneath. Continue cooking until eggs are softly set, and the top still looks moist. Remove from heat. Place under broiler about 6-inches from heat, just until tops of eggs are set (about 2 to 3 minutes). Cut into wedges to serve.

For dessert (this is an example below of a recipe – Erin made ours from last night with store-bought ‘shortcake’ and mixed berries – which is quicker than baking it yourself):

Easy Strawberry Shortcake

2 1/3 c. Bisquick baking mix
1/2 c. milk
3 tbsp. sugar
3 tbsp. butter, or butter, melted
1 qt. strawberries, sliced and sweetened
Real Whipped Cream

Heat oven to 425 degrees. Mix first 4 ingredients until dough forms. Knead 8-10 times on surface dusted with Bisquick. Roll 1/2 inch thick. Cut with 3-inch cutter dipped in Bisquick. Bake on cookie sheet until golden brown, 10-12 minutes. Split shortcakes, fill and top with strawberries and whipped topping. 6 servings

And,

1 Bottle Beaujolais wine (in our case it was vintage 2005)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday was kind of stressful for me (for him as well). Yet I walked into his house and was greeted by the smells of him having cooked part of the picnic. He had to run his son to his ex’s house – then he came home and cooked us our picnic dinner.

We ate in the family room at the coffee table sitting crossed-legged on the floor. We talked and enjoyed the meal.

Afterwards we laughed, wrestled a little, and talked about what we wanted to do that night – since it was raining the idea of going outside to play was not so viable (although I love to go out in the rain). Instead we decided to go bowling. We both kind of sucked but it was fun nonetheless.

We ended up the night by snuggling in each others arms and talking.

I am still amazed at just how much I love this man and how much he also seems to love me as well. I am hoping this trend will continue on for the rest of our days – but I take comfort in knowing that over a year later (much I am sure to the chagrin of certain creep I know out there) – we are still making love to each other in all kinds of wonderful ways.

Passion put to use....

The past week has had some situations crop up – sometimes you have things come up in your life that require you to sit up and pay attention.

I have been dealing with neck pain (rather excruciating) and other life-changing events (not necessarily involving me personally) here of late...

Throughout all of these ‘problems’ I have been trying to maintain my equanimity/balance (but then I am always and forever stating that, aren’t I?). It’s hard sometimes. The neck is going to be looked at tomorrow. The other ‘issues’ are out of my control – and that’s what makes it hard, when something going on in your life is out of your control – but in all the metaphysical reading I have done over the years, I find that ultimately, control is an illusion we use to comfort ourselves – to con ourselves into thinking we can manipulate our environs – in the end, the only thing you ultimately control is your reactions to what transpires in your life.

Why am I rambling? Because through all of this – the ups and downs, the uncertainty lately, what has been a constant/steadfast feeling has been my passion. Passion for living my life, passion (especially over the past year) for my love and all the wonders he brings to my life. Every day I that I get to spend with him, I seem to fall more and more in love – it’s a wonder to me – always I am surprised by this (pinching myself again) – you think could I possibly love this person more? The answer in my case is always a resounding yes….

And it ‘s not that there aren’t annoyances, or things that get under my skin – I think all of us have little quirks that get to the ones that love us at time – it’s hard to love someone day in and day out and not have certain aspects of their personality get to you. With Erin and I though it’s because we are so very compatible – we discuss everything. We are in synch, we care about each other. We are friends and we are lovers. I think what is most important is that we treasure each other and we are passionate about each other. We are not pedestrian, we want to remain different, we want to stay engaged with each other – we are truly interested in each other and what we have is rare.

I realise more and more I have never felt this way about anyone else in my life. I’ve never truly adored anyone else – sure I’ve loved – but I’d be willing to do ANYTHING for Erin and I can’t say that about anyone other than my children.

Will things change between us? Of course they will – we are humans – I will not put up with stagnation. I pray things will continue to blossom between the two of us and that our love grows exponentially with each passing year.