Not so much or – Why I CAN’T remain a Catholic – A gentle rebuttal
(perhaps not so gentle)….
A Journey of Faith:
(Why is it people think pagans/agnostics, or even atheists are faithless?)
Between the ages of 12-14 years old, I decided to embark upon a faith journey. An exploration of all that seemed ‘outre’, verboten, and ‘different’ – prompted by one of my cousins’ books on the “occult”, palmistry, tarot, etc. I think it actually began years before that when I would ask questions as a 6-year-old in my Catholic school and was hushed, ignored, berated and belittled.
I was obviously searching outside of myself for guidance and something (it took me years to realize), I needed to find within myself. I finally ended up leaving the church (at what I took was a ‘forever’ sentence, after the passing of my mother).
Here I stand on that precipice again. What led me here? Being disgruntled as an answer seems too pat/easy. Soul searched? Check. Second class citizen? Check. But, mainly, I guess I am tired of belonging to a private, snobbish, elitist club, led by those who talk out of both sides of their religious mouths, proclaiming love and peace while simultaneously spewing contempt.
There was no ‘bad apple’ that spoiled the whole bunch, per se, and, to say I am not hurting is an understatement. I have cried/sobbed over this – it is a loss for me. I should wear black because this time, I am actually in mourning. I LOVE many of my brothers and sisters in my church home including and, especially our pastor – but, since I feel that no one will speak up (they’ve tried), and since I doubt they will listen to me or even the so-called 80% of Catholics who are fed up (an aside here: What the fuck is the matter with you people???? Why aren’t you screaming and demanding change – is that not Jesus enough for you???) – Since I do not wish to put my friends in the kind of position to defend me, and since my pastor took a vow of obedience – where does that all leave me but needing a spiritual home and feeling lost.
My husband, who has put up with enough from me to last an eternity – listened very patiently this time and agreed. Rather than go without a church, we visited our local Episcopalian house of worship several Sundays ago. We were warmly welcomed and greeted with smiles – they hugged one another during the exchange of the Peace at their service. The congregation seems very close knit and this practice is as close as I can get to Catholicism WITHOUT all the vitriol and bullshit of women, or gays being a threat to world peace (REALLY????) and other mind-blowing-didn’t-you-a-holes-leave-this-mediaeval-crap-behind-years-ago-doctrines.
What with the absolute refusal to own up to the sex scandal (reports which seem to get worse every day), the recent WAR on American nuns, (that’s right ladies, that social justice ‘what-would-Jesus-do’ stuff is E-V-I-L!), and making my dear gay and lesbian friends out to be more harmful than justifiable nuclear war – I am simply and irrevocably, DONE.
Peace.
C~
A Journey of Faith:
(Why is it people think pagans/agnostics, or even atheists are faithless?)
Between the ages of 12-14 years old, I decided to embark upon a faith journey. An exploration of all that seemed ‘outre’, verboten, and ‘different’ – prompted by one of my cousins’ books on the “occult”, palmistry, tarot, etc. I think it actually began years before that when I would ask questions as a 6-year-old in my Catholic school and was hushed, ignored, berated and belittled.
I was obviously searching outside of myself for guidance and something (it took me years to realize), I needed to find within myself. I finally ended up leaving the church (at what I took was a ‘forever’ sentence, after the passing of my mother).
Here I stand on that precipice again. What led me here? Being disgruntled as an answer seems too pat/easy. Soul searched? Check. Second class citizen? Check. But, mainly, I guess I am tired of belonging to a private, snobbish, elitist club, led by those who talk out of both sides of their religious mouths, proclaiming love and peace while simultaneously spewing contempt.
There was no ‘bad apple’ that spoiled the whole bunch, per se, and, to say I am not hurting is an understatement. I have cried/sobbed over this – it is a loss for me. I should wear black because this time, I am actually in mourning. I LOVE many of my brothers and sisters in my church home including and, especially our pastor – but, since I feel that no one will speak up (they’ve tried), and since I doubt they will listen to me or even the so-called 80% of Catholics who are fed up (an aside here: What the fuck is the matter with you people???? Why aren’t you screaming and demanding change – is that not Jesus enough for you???) – Since I do not wish to put my friends in the kind of position to defend me, and since my pastor took a vow of obedience – where does that all leave me but needing a spiritual home and feeling lost.
My husband, who has put up with enough from me to last an eternity – listened very patiently this time and agreed. Rather than go without a church, we visited our local Episcopalian house of worship several Sundays ago. We were warmly welcomed and greeted with smiles – they hugged one another during the exchange of the Peace at their service. The congregation seems very close knit and this practice is as close as I can get to Catholicism WITHOUT all the vitriol and bullshit of women, or gays being a threat to world peace (REALLY????) and other mind-blowing-didn’t-you-a-holes-leave-this-mediaeval-crap-behind-years-ago-doctrines.
What with the absolute refusal to own up to the sex scandal (reports which seem to get worse every day), the recent WAR on American nuns, (that’s right ladies, that social justice ‘what-would-Jesus-do’ stuff is E-V-I-L!), and making my dear gay and lesbian friends out to be more harmful than justifiable nuclear war – I am simply and irrevocably, DONE.
Peace.
C~
posted by Colette at 10:51 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home