Thursday, December 18, 2003

Poison

I don't want to be poisoned by all of this..
Some people are just poison to each other. How can a love so intense, become so bad. It's like the more passionate you love is - the farther you will fall when it all crumbles to dust. The more it hurts.

I am to blame too - I don't want to make it seem like I am blameless here. I am just having such a hard time reconciling all this in my head and my heart.

It's my heart that's heaviest now. What I did - what he did - what SHE did to us. No one want to put any blame on her but there it is - it's inescapable - ok so he may have lied but still - if you 'know' a person is in a relationship - is it ok to then have them treat you romantically - and here I go back to the no one has a conscience speech.

We are like poison to each other. We keep fighting and we keep each other at arms length - and I begin to think in my mind that we will never ever truly be ok with each other. What a terrible loss that would be. I am feeling like I am missing a limb - I want my poet back - where is he? I want him looking into my eyes and not having to say a word - and yet I would know how he felt - I would be his everything again and he would be mine...if only. If only I had not begun to think that that is not healthy afterall...

I miss him so much - I feel so very desperate, so abandoned, so alone...

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