Tuesday, July 06, 2004

A comment for a comment (no it's not an eye for an eye!)

I wanted to answer a comment that was made on my post about fodder for the blog and on-line dating:

"Don't you think that perusing online matchmaking websites is the last resort of the very desperate? Have a little more faith in yourself; you don't sound like the type who needs to fall back on the methods employed by hokey, loser men who can't get a date in person so have to use subterfuge like this. Imagine writing 'I elicit warm smiles wherever I go' about yourself. Icky. Spare yourself.
Ariel | 07.02.04 - 11:18 am"

Ariel (love the name! Is that your real name or a nickname? It's beautiful) - I would have written you personally but you left no e-mail for me to do so (these days that's probably the safest thing to do *wink*) I agree with some of what you said, and I want to thank you for being so very complimentary of me by saying I don't seem the 'type who needs to fall back on' such methods but, for all you know, I might resemble the bride of Frankenstein Indeed what that person wrote was 'icky'! You should see some of the really 'icky' stuff out there.

I do believe I mentioned that I am not currently dating right now. I AM guilty as charged of perusing. What I am trying to do is illustrate how difficult it is and how weird it is out here. And, when you lead as busy a life as I do, it can be very hard to meet people. I don't like bars, I could use my Yoga class (not the ones I teach, because that's unethical) - but the ones I find time to attend - unfortunately, the idea of using yoga class as a pick up joint does not appeal to me much.

I do have friends and they have all 'paired off' as it were - and even the idea of being 'fixed up' by them isn't very appealing - unless someone out there knows of a really good Yentl in my area??? And yes I get invited to functions and parties, like weddings where I often feel like the poster-child for what not to do in a marriage. I do keep accepting invitations from my friends - at least it gets me out of the house.

Furthermore, not every man out there using the personals is 'hokey' or a 'loser' as you put it - some of them are just as busy, professionals, as I am with young kids even - that does not make them bad or desperate - and, it does not by extension make me desperate either - just really busy at times. Perhaps at one time it was considered an act of desperation but not these days...

So let's just say for the sake of argument, playing devil's advocate here, that it's hard to meet people. I am interested in meeting men, but I am just commenting, (and this is what I do on this blog),as to how difficult it is out here. For some reason, I can't seem to just find a person of the male persuasion to go have a nice cup of tea and a conversation with who does not believe in that 'secret' 3rd or 4th date rule (and by Goddess it really does exist!) - I am just not ready to let someone jump my bones yet. Frankly, unless it starts 'raining men, Halleluia' to quote a famous diva - the chance of me meeting interesting, well-read, stable, self-supporting, NICE man dwindles as time goes on. It's hard being 40-something and trying to date again. A lot of them are looking for Bambi (seriously).

The point is ultimately, (and,I have said this), I need to go slowly, take my time. I need to not be so quick to try to replace the last asshole. Who knows - pehaps I will meet someone at work, or in the local supermarket - I kind of doubt it but hope does tend to spring eternal in my breast.

I DO want everyone out there to keep writing - it does help me - if for nothing more than the comfort that you are out there and listening. Feel free to leave your advice, your chastisements, your comments, your whatever - because where would I be without all of you in my corner?

Thanks Ariel, your comments are well taken. I hope you visit again and I hope you will maybe e-mail me as well.

As ever,
Colette

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