Saturday, February 12, 2005

There...and back again

On my way up to Michigan, my mind was so full of thoughts, distracting me. I was intent on getting there in one piece and so when I am driving long distances alone like that I always bring music with me and I always stop for Chai when I begin to feel a bit groggy.

The music brought along for this trip:

Sting: The Dream of the Blue Turtles
James: Laid
Fleetwood Mac: Tango in The Night
Al Stewart: Year of the Cat
Sarah McLachlan: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Billy Joel: Greatest Hits Volume I & II
Cat Steven: Greatest Hits
The Beatles: Revolver

I have never made this 4-hour trip alone before - one hears of so many 'stories' and 'things' that happen to women travelling alone. I was glad I was driving during the day, grateful that the weather was good.

Michigan to me, seems to be a state full of contrasts - we have Detroit (the most urban of urban) and then the part of the state where I was headed - the outlying areas of Flint - A bastion of blue-collar, God-fearing, you-can-take-my-gun-when-you're-able-to-pry-it-from-my-cold-dead-hands, kind of place. Not a place where I feel very comfy being a liberal, and, not one where I was going to find a log ot vegetarian meals. So it was fitting that I came accross these billboards:

"Beef Jerky Unlimited", and
"Guns Galore"

Followed by a seemingly less violent billboard:

"Harvest Moon Cafe, Good Food Guaranteed"...and I thought good food or else, what?

Then I began musing; you'd walk into the Harvest Moon Cafe where they'd serve you Beef Jerky Unlimited and the or else had something to do with the Guns Galore...
I was probably getting a bit tired of driving by this point.

The family is a bit more subdued than usual when I arrive - more than likely due to the new arrival. My son-in-law greets me and I go into the living room to see my daughter and, for the very first time, my new grand-daughter. My daughter looks pale, dead tired, my son-in-law exhausted. My grand-daughter is a vision, a dark, healty pink, already with a crown of dark hair, as she begins to slowly open them, I spy smokey-greyish-blue eyes.

My grandson seems traumatized due to 'Mommie' being 'away' for 5 days, so course he also does not want to warm up to me because I am a 'stranger'. This ends up taking two days.

Soon we all begin to settle in, talking like old acquaintances. I like this family, but I am usually not my 'true self' around them...for reasons that are evident. There is a bond between all of us, though - the marriage of our children and a sharing of the issuance from that union. I like my daughter's in-laws. They are kind, hard-working, salt-of-the-earth, people. The relationship between my daughter and myself has grown as well. Once very strained, we have started to like each other again. She is an incredible mom. We are still rough around the edges from one too many teenager vs. mom battles, with both of us losers, but it's getting better.

So slowly, tenderly, I enter this home, to get to know my new grand-daughter and her extended family; to be a co-mother with my lovely daughter and learn about her in a new light.

******

The days go by quickly. My daughter slowly regains her strength. I notice some strain between her and my son-in-law and when we are alone I ask her. She tells me she wishes they had their own place and that she also wishes he'd get up and help her out for one of the feedings...it's an age-old dillema and one they have to work out on their own.

In talking over coffee to her mother-in-law, when we end up being alone one morning, I find the same sentiments echoed about the kids needing their own place - which is going to happen soon, from what I can gather. I listen as Diane tells me of her marriage and rasiing her kids and it warms my heart because she describes her husband Scott, as one of those men that was always helping out. She said she would never come home to find him sitting around - he was either doing housework or he was cooking or he was doing laundry. He always helped with the children. All four of them. So hearing this makes my heart a bit lighter becuase I know my son-in-law has these inherant qualities and I know he is merely a new dad-in-training and that once he and my daughter get some privacy away from the rest of the family things will slowly change and they will settle into their own lives.

****

The only real complaints I had was that day after day, because of my grand-son, I was forced to watch "Veggie Tales" movies galore (go to: http://www.bigidea.com/) - to see what I am talking/whining about. So I now have all these 'Christian' songs going through my head - I was teasingly telling the 2 youngest siblings in their family, (ages 20 and 21), that I was going to have to listen to "Black Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath" on the way home to erase all the 'other stuff'.

Then there was the *other* problem with their TV watching because for some reason, the only news they watch in their house is 'Fox News' on cable - which is on 24/7 (when the other 'Christian' or 'family-oriented' shows aren't on) and features programming like Bill O'Reilly (whom I despise) - so often I would secretly be going crazy. Thank the Gods I brought books to read.

One of the last nights I was there, my daughter and I sat and watched the movie "Luther" about Martin Luther and how he began the Lutheran church. It was a really well done movie and it brought up some interesting conversation between myself and their family. I am certain these people think me a heathen because I don't attend a 'Christian' church - but they are not judgemental and we had some great, thought-provoking discussions about religion.

****
All in all though it was wonderful being there and helping my daugher. I forgot how tiring it can be to watch little ones and since my two chldren were spaced 6 years apart, I can not even imagine how exhausting it is going to be for my daughter. But she seems very up to the task and watching her with my grand-daughter often brought tears of joy to my eyes.

Leaving to go home was bitter-sweet. I really wished I lived closer and who knows, perhaps in time I will. For the nonce, though, I will have to simply figure out a way to take some long weekends and head up there as much as I can.

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