Welcome to the world

Iris Nicole - born at 10:56 AM on 2 February 2005
********************************

Today went by in a total blur - so much to do - never enough time - lots on my mind...

*******

My daughter delivered *HER* daughter yesterday morning - all 8lbs 14oz of Iris Nicole entered this world on Candlemas/Ground Hog's Day - the gateway to the spring season.

My daughter had been put into the hopsital early due to toximia/pre-eclampsia - they decided to keep her longer and do a c-section because of how her labs were coming out, 1 week before she was due for her scheduled c-section. The procedure was set for 10:30 AM so by the time 12:30 PM rolled around, I began to get frightened. It drives me nuts at times like this that she's in another state.

At 1:00 PM my daughter's cousin called me to say that my daughter did not have my number handy and I was to call her instead. We exchanged pleasantries and baby details and then I called my daughter.

She was groggy but seemed OK. She told me that the baby had gotten 'stuck' during the c-section and they had to her her both lengthwise as well as re-opening the existing scars left by her last c-section incisions. She has been told that if she get preggers again, she will need to be rushed to a hospital. She said she was OK that baby Iris was OK and we'd talk later - I left her to rest.

That evening after I got home I found my son talking in concerned tones to his brother-in-law. He solemnly handed the phone over. I leanred that the baby's hands and feet had turned blue after the delivery, that her blood oxygen levels were 1/2 of what they should be and that she had some type of viral infection. She was being fed through a tube and she had to be on oxygen. On top of this, in order to rule out viral meningitis, my grand-daughter had to have a spinal tap. I could tell my son-in-law was compeltely racked by telling me this news. After asking him how my doaughter was doing one last time, I got off the phone and was reduced to a sobbing idiot...I did not want my daughter to hear me crying like this. I had to try to be strong for her.

Today, the baby seems to be a bit better - we don't yet have the results from the spinal; they won't for 24/48 hours. They still have her on a fedding tube and oxygen. My daughter and I talked a bit more today...she's very worn down; she lost a lot of blood and her blood pressure is still high; she can't hold the baby or feed her and she's beside herself with worry.

I will head up there after tomorrow to be there with and fo her. People at work who had heard about the news yesterday stopped by my office to congratulate and hug me...so hard not to cry. I told my closer colleagues what was up. Some of them, nurses, tried comforting me, telling me things would be OK - but the look on their faces, in their eyes at the news of performing a spinal tap on a day-old infant said so much more...

I had flowers sent to the hospital, Irises.

**********
So I left work, walking out into a very dense, foggy world with my very fogged brain...the atmosphere was eerie. Pea-souper, cold. At one point, driving down the road, the sun suddenly came into view - a red-orange ball, looking almost as if some giant's child had thrown it up into the sky and it was stuck there - an inatimate object, instead of a ball of fire. The sky seemed to take on a quality like I would imagine on the day of Armageddon - the end of all time - the death of all life.

I drove past a local church that had several statues of the Saints and Jesus; strong, alabaster figures, hands raised in supplication heaven-wards to a God they are sure exists and one that will hear them.

I silently pray too, hoping to be heard - by a God I am sure is weary of our all-too-human requests. I also pray to the Goddess who will, hopefully look down with mercy and listen to a fellow Mother's pleas...

Let them be OK, please.