A very Happy St. Pat's

May those who love us love us
And those who don't love us
May God turn their hearts,
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles,
So we'll know them by their limping.

--Irish Prayer


******************
As the "High Holy" day drawers near...let us take some time
to reflect:
Being Irish means...
* you will never play professional basketball
* you swear very well
* at least one of your cousins holds political office
* you think you sing very well
* you have no idea how to m ake a long story short
* you are very good at playing a lot of very bad golf
* there isn't a huge difference between losing your temper and killing
someone
* much of your food was boiled
* you have never hit your head on the ceiling
* you spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling
* you're strangely poetic after a few beers
* you're poetic a lot
* you will be punched for no good reason...a lot
* some punches directed at you are legacies from past generations
* your sister will punch you because your brother punched her
* many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary...and one is Mary
Catherine Elizabeth
* someone in your family is incredibly cheap
* it is more than likely you
* you don't know the words but that doesn't stop you from singing
* you can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking

* "Irish Stew" is the euphemism for "boiled leftovers from the fridge"
* you're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in
talent, you make up for in frequency
* there wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last
kegger party
* you are, or know someone, named "Murph"
* if you don't know Murph, then you know "Mac"
* if you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know "Sully"
* you'll probably also know Sully McMurphy
* you are genetically incapable of keeping a secret
* your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local
emergency room
and last but not least... Being Irish means...
* your attention span is so short that---oh, forget it.
Enjoy your St. Patrick's Day!!
Let us be grateful and share what good we have.

****************
The Irish daughter....

The Irish daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her, " Where have you been all this
time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know
how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you
know what you put your Mum through??!!"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a
prostitute..."

"WHAT!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to
this family! I don't ever want to see you again!"

"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat,
title deeds to a ten bed-room mansion, plus a savings account certificate
for £5 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex, and for you Daddy
the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside
plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club...(takes a breath)... and
an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in
the Riviera, and...."

"Now, what was it you said you had become?"

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff... A prostitute Dad! ... Sniff, sniff"

"Oh! Be Jesus! - you scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said "a
Protestant". Come here and give your old man a hug!"


^_^