Thursday, April 28, 2005

Raising a sheep or a man?

My son. I love him. With all my heart. I’ve said this before.

When he was little I remember the first day I had to send him off to school...

He was standing with all the other kids ready to enter kindergarten and it struck me – he was just like a sheep...I just felt at the time, that he was going to lose all of his creative powers and become a sheep and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it...he looked so forlorn standing in that line.

I cried all the way home.

Not long after that his dad and I broke up…this was hard on him – as it is hard on any child. But I knew all we had to do was love him and guide him and somehow he’d be ok.

I also vowed to keep his wonder alive, to keep his creative juices flowing. To that end – every time he asked us (his parents) – if he could do something. Go somewhere, play baseball, play hockey, get a drum set. Whenever we could – we obliged him – I wanted as much of the world open to him as possible. It paid off. Today he is an articulate, graceful, intelligent, funny and creative young man. He speaks his mind. Sometimes we fight. More often than not, I give him a chance to present his side of things and sometimes I acquiesce to his wisdom. Sometimes he loses.

Yesterday, in school, he was involved in a 'situation' where there was a misunderstanding between one of his friends, himself and a teacher at his school. My son saw the situation was escalating and the teacher was getting extremely upset with the both he and his friend; (she has a habit of being one of the stricter teachers and mean), in an effort to try and defuse the situation, he told the teacher to calm down and ‘chill out’. He and his friend were immediately taken to the principal’s office. Today he is serving an in-school suspension. I did write a note telling the principal that I felt the punishment was a bit overboard – however my son was unable to escape the punishment.

I am torn here. While I don’t think it was appropriate for him to ‘mouth off’ to a teacher. Part of me also feels these are not ‘boys’ anymore – they are men. An apology, I believe would have been more appropriate and even possibly more embarrassing for him; but then I can understand the need for the school to keep the kids ‘in line’. My son’s choice of verbiage was probably not the best and I really wish he would try to remember that not all adults are ‘cool’ with him being that way – in fact most adults aren’t. However my question becomes when do we begin to teach them to be men and not boys? When IS it appropriate for them to stand up to authority? And when should adults try to understand them trying to ‘find themselves’ and back down? Hard questions. I’ve taught my children (as I was taught) – to stand up for what they believe in. To not just blindly follow authority. To NOT BE SHEEP. Now I wonder if I’ve done my son a disservice. Only time will tell. But I know in my heart, I don’t want him to follow – I want him to lead. He may not end up being a lawyer or a doctor, and that’s OK. Just so long as he remains true to himself. To quote a Lynyrd Skynyrd song: ‘Baby be a simple man, be something you love and understand’. May he always himself.

2 Comments:

Blogger Zhoen said...

Collette,
Chill. Suspension is not cruel or unusual, and will not actually go on a life-long "Permanent record." Life is not fair, and sometimes your son will be punished when he doesn't deserve it, other times he will get a freebie when he has not worked for it. Unjust teachers are like late busses, car accidents, housefires, or appendicitis- not "fair" but nothing you can do once you are hit by one. Take your own son's wise advice.

7:11 PM  
Blogger Colette said...

The name is Colette...

I don't know who you are, but don't tell me to 'chill' about MY son and this situation please. Thanks...

While I agree with you about that life is not fair - assholes in power are just that - assholes - after my conversaiton with the principal of my son's school (especially after he himself admitted he did not have teens at home) - I realised he fit the description of a power hugry asshole perfectly - my son did nothing to deserve this punishment and all it taught him is that people use power to lord over others who are weaker.

Yep great lesson there. Don't REALLY teach them something constructive...teach them to just keep repeating the same mistakes over and over...

My son is not so wise to the world - not about everything - and suspension IS cruel when it's unjustified as is ALL punishment that is not warranted. THIS was not warranted not at all.

He served it - but it was bullshit that he had to.

Thanks for your input.

10:02 PM  

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