Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Sensory enlightenment

I walked outside this evening - it's seems like a late spring evening - even though it's barely the beginning of the season...a chill on the air but the warmth of the day is still lingering.

I am actually going up to the store to get ice cream (I shouldn't but what the hell); and again - I have had another wonderful conversation with a friend.

The night air feels so good and I can smell incense...it actually smells like the incense from church (frankincense floating on the air) - I am amazed. Suddenly my senses are just so very hightened - I feel so aware, so charged.

I don't know why - I can't pin *this* down - I don't know if it's the 'buzz' from the conversation I just had or the actual night and the majesty of the spring time just beginning here, near the lake. Lately there's just been such a pull on me - I just 'feel' so much - I can't even put it into words. It's power but it isn't, it feels 'natural' but I am not sure if it's not somehow 'artificial' - just a lot going on in my mind, in my heart, in my spirit. Sometimes I want it to stop - to let go - as these tendrils seems to be infiltrating my very being - but then I think I would not feel so alive....yet still, I fight it - I don't know why.

The song going through my mind right now is from the soundtrack of 'Last Supper' "When I Fall" by Sam Phillips...

we don't want lives of steel
we don't want hearts that feel
we want to live above it all

i feel you closing in
a target on my skin
i think you'll be there when i fall

we might get out of time
we might connect our minds
we might land beyond the wall when i fall

i might give love to you
i might step right on through
fear might keep me from it all

climb so high to see
but the ground just teases me
i think you'll be there when i fall

i'm burning
when i fall
i fall
when i fall
i'm amazed by it all

control is letting go
and i'm the last to know
we might land beyond the wall
i might give love to you
i might step right on through
i think you'll be there when i fall


Artist: Sam Phillips
Album: Martinis & Bikinis
Title: When I Fall

...and it just completely captures my mood, my feeling, the prickling on my skin, the knowing, the sexual tension and subsequent release...the vie for power, the hunger and desire...

*sigh*

bon nuit, mes amis

Colette

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